Homeboi's Diary

No I'm not talking about the size of my private parts, for a change. But a neat little online conversion tool I've come across. For some reason I've had to do a lot of Imperial to Metric conversions this week. Mainly I work in Metric apart from cock sizes which never seem quite right when you mention them in centimetres.

So onlineconversion.com has many online calculators ranging from the common stuff to some more fun stuffs. Such one that calculates the dimensions of your ideal male body based on the size of your wrist (mine is 6.25 inches). Good stuff. Though I find it rather frightening that I've been alive for 9,435 days and that it is 61 days to my birthday.

Someone recently asked Google the question "how to eat arse". It returned one result. My blog.

Not that I'm thinking of compiling a definitive guide, or anything like that. But it got me thinking, though, how we learn to do the kinds of things we get up to with other men. I mean, it's not as if there's a comprehensive manual to man-sex. Straight males are notorious for not being able to talk about sex unless their actually doing it or are too pissed to worry about what their 'mates' would think about their desire to shove medium-sized vegetables inside themselves. Myself, I kinda make things up as I go along, I don't have a set pattern of 'moves' but I have been with people who do. If it's a 'regular' then you kind of know what they like and what they don't - you stick to the good stuff unless you're feeling evil.

I talk quite freely about sex and what I get up to. It's not just on here I get down to the nitty-gritty. Kyle, as an example, will usually only say that he's been with someone. If I talk about my latest conquest to him he gets very embarassed by it, doesn't stop him from listening though. Is this self sexual represion? A return to the days when sex was something you giggled about in the school playground? When everyone said they were 'doing it' but the reality was that most didn't have a clue?

We all know what we like ourselves, and consequently have a pretty good idea of what will be good to someone else. The only down-side to this theory is that everybodies body is different. Mechanically we're all the same but it's the little details that are in slightly different places or just don't cause the same response to another body. It's a pretty well known fact that a gay man can satisfy a straight woman more than a straight man. Why? Could it be because we spend more time getting to know the body of the other party(ies)? Certainly it's been that long since I last went with a female that I joke that even with the map turned round I wouldn't know where I was going. Think about it. How long do you spend on average winding your sex partner up (sexually) before you go for the big plunge?

I remember shortly after I became single I ended up sleeping with someone who I first met at a friends wedding do. He'd spotted me, and thought I was cute, but couldn't do anything because he was there with his boyfriend at the time. When we went with each other the sex started out pretty good. Then he discovered my weakness, that I really love my arse being eaten. So he began doing that. Fine. While it lasted. Then he decided he was going to put a finger from each hand in and pull them apart. Opening the doors to get more tongue in would have been heaven, however, he decided to chew and bite on the open arselips. Ouch! He wasn't gentle with it either. Somehow he managed to fuck me, but I know I felt raw. I've not been back since, not saying I wont, but he won't be doing that again to me in a hurry!

Just signed off MSN after a curious chat. Well, the conversation wasn't that interesting but the undertones were.

Lad I know pretty well, very cute, very sweet, but never seriously considered anything more than friendship. We've told each other quite a bit about ourselves including some of the deep secrets you don't share with everyone.

His usual picture is of him looking sultry (and pretty damn hot, actually) sat against a wall. We got to talking about friends, and how I appear to be sleeping with most of mine at the moment. I added that that was not intended to worry him or anything. And I told him a little about the events with Kyle. He was shocked, but not that surprised - he knows me too well to be overly shocked by what I get up to, the day I completely shock him is the day I've gone too far. Then his picture changed, close up of his hard on in tight-white underwear. OK, nothing too spectacular there.

Anyway, I decide to bite on this game and scrable around the hard drive for another pic to replace mine. I've got a rather nice one of me sat on the bathroom floor 'pointing North'. The conversation kinda dwindled a bit - he claimed to be a bit pissed and on his way to bed. But then his picture changed again: side on profile with him holding his cock out over the waistband. Another rummage, and one of me kneeling up with three fingers up my arse.

We'd been speaking about Pride and the vigil on Monday night which is the last of the 'formal' proceedings. He asked whether it would be alright to hang around, to which I said yes. I told him that I'd wanted to get everyone who was special to me to be there, and that that included him. Think he was a bit touched by that. His life seems to be falling apart quicker than he can build it back up at the moment, poor lamb.

Now here's the interesting bit. In all of the MSN conversations we've had, and we've had a great great many, the sign off has always been x's, maybe very very rarely a . Depending on how I feel about someone decides whether they just get x's (I know, a cheap kiss) or a (a real kiss). I decided on the real one this time, but was surprised when I got a back. Somewhat stunned, I just msg'd back 'u 2 sweet'. It's got me thinking, anyway.

Yes, 8.36am this morning the cast came off. Oh, it's been a joy to be able to type with two hands. Only problem is that my wrist feels weak, so I got to be careful with it. Mart rang this afternoon to ask how I got on and betted that I'd got a 'fat belly' (think about it, it took me some time as well). Needless to say I've dealt with it. Phew! What a relief.

While I was at Boots they were trying to push their laser eye surgery, which is something that appart from the cost I have considered a few times over the last few years. I told the optician that I was poz and he did the usual inspection of the backs of the eyes. Apparently they're still brilliant, Margaret told me that at our first meeting. But, he said that laser surgery would not be appropriate as even though I'm in good condition (makes me feel like a second hand car: ooo, lovely runner, low milage, goes for miles, everything in good condition...) my healing time would likely be too slow.

But I came across this on the BBC News website. As ever, it pays to be informed especially with something as valuable as your sight.

Like quite a number of the population of the planet, I am right-handed. So being restricted to using one hand for most day-to-day tasks is proving, erm, interesting.

Here's a list of things I can do:
1. Use a mouse (pretty damn well when Windows's settings are changed over!)
2. Dress myself as long as I don't have to do buttons or laces
3. Go to the loo (both ends, even my Mum finds that impressive!)
4. Brush my teeth
5. Shave (and it takes me half the time)
6. Make a cup of cofee
7. Type, slowly. Need a keyboard with the delete key on the 'wrong' side though
8. Feed the cat
9. Send a text message on my phone
10. Make a sandwich

Things I can't do:
1. Comb/brush my hair
2. Load/unload the washing machine
3. Zip up a jacket/button up a fly
4. Write, though I can kind of sign my name strangely
5. Play the guitar but I never could anyway so I'm not worried about that one!

Mart and Kyle are chasing off to Essentials. I'm a few metres behind and Pete is trying to get me to stop because he wants to talk about Kyle. I'm having none of it. This is about to ruin what for me has been a damn good night. So I stop and tell him, yet again, that I'm not interested. Part of it was the pill, the rest of it was just that I've lost interest in all the excuses. By the time I've finished Mart and Kyle are no where to be seen. I decide that there's no point going in and trying to find them as I've got no idea of where they're likely to be and I could end up spending the night just looking and not enjoying myself. So I tell him that I'm getting a taxi back to Mart's and that he can go to hell!

At the taxi rank the waiting time is two hours. Two hours, I can walk there in half, and I've got the energy to do it. So off we go.

It's all a bit of a blur from here, but I get attacked. This is unusual for me as I'm very good at being aware of what's going on around me: first indication of trouble and I've already got an escape route in place. I must have just blipped out, or more than likely been distracted. Nothing was taken, still got my mobile, money, and pills. But reality kinda sets in and I'm lying on my back, Pete is pressing a hanky to my left elbow and it's pouring with blood, I'm in hysterics. I remember being thrown against a wall and this is backed up by bruising to the top of my head. Think I got dragged because I've got grazes on my arms, and I recall being kicked and thinking that my time was up. My left thigh and hip are sore, and I've either got a bruised or broken rib on that side. The top of my throat is also sore which probably means someone tried strangling me. Suppose I'm very lucky.

I've calmed down enough to hold the material to my elbow, but I still can't move. Pete's on the phone to my Mum and I don't know if I'm more scared by what's happened or the fact that my Mum is about to see me in this state. All I want to do is go home, but I can't as my keys are at Marts. I'm covered in blood and so is Pete. He's faired better than me, possibly because he's bigger, but he's got a few cuts and bruises.

Mum arrives, bundles us into the back of the car and takes us back to her house. The clock in the car said that it was about 5.30am. Back there she gets a flannel and warm water and begins to bathe my wounds. It feels nice but I'm agitated because Mum doesn't know my status and now is not the time for disclosure. I think this is all wrapped up in my blood-phobia. She used to be a nurse so I know she can deal with this situation. She instructs me to go upstairs and have a shower, there's a robe I can put on afterwards.

The shower was soothing, but I still felt stiff and sore. When I came down stairs there was a glass of what I thought was water waiting for me. No, it was a very strong vodka, I know my Mum pours very healthy measures but this was heavy shit! She gave me a bag and told me to empty my pockets into it as she wanted to wash my clothes and get rid of the blood before it stained them too much. I sat down and began to shake. Fear, shock, alcohol and the drugs took over. I started crying. I had some of my drink, a cigarette. I felt violated. Pete was ordered to take a shower and cream was applied to his scrapes and bruises when he came down. Mum took the clothes to the kitchen to wash. We thanked her when she came back in, but she didn't want thanks, just to know we were ok. Mum told us to rest and we'd sort everything in the morning. So we lay down. I could hear the washer and was aware of Mum milling around, but I soon drifted off to sleep.

It was about 10am the following morning when I woke up. Mum and Pete were already awake. As I come too my right hand begins to ache. Pins and needles, I think. But the pain starts to get progressively worse. Guess where I'm headed? Hospital! Brilliant!

We arrive at about 11.30 and it's way after 4 when we leave. They're not concerned over the ribs as there's not much they can do about them, but my wrist is x-rayed. The pain is from about 10cm either side of my wrist, but where my pain is is not what the doctor is worried about. The x-ray shows a slight fracture of one of the wrist bones, but they can't be sure, the x-ray is inconclusive. To be on the safe side they're gonna put a cast on it, then x-ray it again in seven days. If it is broken the x-ray should show the healing. I don't know about these kind of bones so I've just got to take their word for it. Oh, and they've given me some strong pain killers as my ribs are going to be very sore. Gee, tell me something I hadn't already worked out!

So life's a complete bitch at the moment. My car is still outside Mart's as I'm not allowed to drive it (even if I could with this fucking thing on my arm), Mum took us to get some of the stuff we left at Marts (but Pete left half of mine there probably because it was all over the place). I can't work, because it takes me all my time to type (one-handed and left-handed) but the painkillers are good, they knock me out!


We're, what, 8 days away from Pride. This thing better be off my wrist on Monday or someone is really gonna be sharing my bad week. Mart, bless him, is concerned about how I'm going to have a wank! I told him I was trying not to think about that. Don't think I'll be having much acrobatic sex next weekend, sadly. But, him and Kath have decided that if I want a bed bath they can share the job: Kath will do my top half, Mart the bottom half. You just know how that's gonna turn out!

Oh, and to cap it all I've got an opticians appointment at 9am Monday for new contact lenses. Joy!!!

Well the taxi is actually more a minibus. There's the five queens, Kath and her sister, plus two people that Mart works with. The atmosphere on the journey is a mixture of lively, and 'I'm about to explode'. I think both me and Mart were at the latter. In terms of seating arrangements Pete ended uyp sitting next to me, which I suppose was to be expected, but wasn't my ideal travelling partner. There were no other seats so Kyle ended up sitting of boyf's lap, and you could say that Kyle rode boyf all the way into Manchester. Kinda indicates how pissed some of the party really were.

In Thompsons we all troop to the bar and eventually get served and retire to the side of the dancefloor. There were other people round there, but they soon moved out of the way. Makes it sound like we took over, and I guess we did, a bit. Kath and her sister put their drinks on the table and went to dance, I don't think they stopped all night! I decided that I needed to drink a bit before I started. If I'm annoyed drinking can sober me up just enough to see how drunk other people are, and it's never pretty. If we saw and heard how we are when drunk do you think we'd carry on doing it? Pete had his pissed head on so I decided it was in my best interest to keep my distance.

Then the music changed, Lola's Theme came on. Well, that brought me on to the dancefloor, ushered by Kyle, Mart and boyf were already there. Think we stayed on for the next three records before heat-driven thirst drove me to return to my drink. I swore it wasn't going to happen, and I made them promise, but I can't remember whether it was Kyle or Mart who were the first to pick me up and swing me around. All I know for sure is that I ended up with minor scrapes on my stomach from Mart's button fly or the back of my belt. We were all having a good time, and this was before the drugs.

Mart handed me 'one to be going on with' until he off-loaded my night's stash later. Well, he was rushing at the time and couldn't be arsed sorting that out. No problems. So I dropped, waited, danced, drank, danced some more. Psychologically I knew there was something in my system, but it hadn't kicked in, but I got the initial giddyness. Time for me to get a drink, I spotted boyf at the bar, so went behind him and put my arms around him. He glanced, realising it was me, we ground into each other a bit and I rubbed my hands over his back, sides and front. Mart came and joined us as boyf was having difficulty getting served. He joined in our play, until he got served. We both thought he was buying for them both, but got his drink and toddled off. boyf looked at me in astonishment, I was equally stunned but knew it better to say nothing than anything.

We moved on to the Union. I just stood on th edge of the dancefloor behind the rail. I wanted to dance - the others already were - but knew I was better off waiting a little while. Then it started. I told Mart I was going to sit down for a while and went to the top end. I just sat down in time as it hit me. Fuck was this good shit. With the initial come-up I didn't want to be alone but I couldn't will my feet into taking me back to the group. Then I realised that my bandana didn't feel right. I suppose I should have found a mirror, but no, I just sat there and sorted it. Pilling and without a mirror I found out later that I'd done a pretty good job, and all in one go!

Another of our party came and joined me, and we chatted. She'd been outside with boyf. They wouldn't let him in as the door staff said he was too pissed. So she'd come to find the others. They actually found us. Mart took one look at me and grinned, he knew. Right, we were moving back to Thompsons. Pete sat down as I was getting up. 'You could have told us you were round here!' he half-shouted over the music. 'I did, I did.' I replied following the rest of the group out of the door.

Back in Thompsons I really started to feel the effects, and I was loving it. I danced, boy did I dance. Mart and I had a quick snog. I danced again, very closely, with boyf. Can't remember whetherwe snogged - which probably means we didn't as you can't forget one of his e-kisses! And I also snogged Kyle.

Kyle spent quite a lot of the night trying to get me to dance with him. I knew he was trying to wind Pete up and I didn't want to be a party to that. Not on just alcohol, with drugs it was easier. True, I did dance with him. He kept trying to get me to snog him, 'not just yet,' I kept saying, 'wait 'til I'm up!' This kinda pacified him for a while. Then I thought 'fuck it!' and just went for my life!

Just when he thought I wasn't going to play ball I grabbed him and stuck my tongue deep into his mouth. Mart has told him that I'm a good kisser (amongst other things) so maybe it was about time he got a share. I though about my earlier entry here about going with Kyle, and decided to just see how far this would ride. Mart saw the snog and danced over, gently bumped Kyle out of the way and firmly told us both 'No.' It didn't stop us. Kyle guided me to the back wall, raised my arms above my head, came in very very close and proceeded to snog the face off me. I responded, like you knew I would! I know I took my top off at some point that night - a first for me and pills - but can't recall whether it was then, earlier, or later. Our snog broke and we resumed dancing. I needed to get my drink, but Kyle brought me back, took my drink and moved in on me again. After we broke apart he told me he didn't fancy me, the spark in his eyes said otherwise. He also said that he wasn't going to shag me, but that he'd give me a wank! I don't usually say much on pills, this was no exception. Actions are better, so I put my hands on his shoulders and pushed him back into dancing. I know that my eyes can be very expressive and I looked deep into his, we shared passion in our eyes. It dawned on me that the chill-out back at Mart's could get very interesting. I also realised that now Kyle was going to be a push-over. There was probably an evil smirk on my face which I wasn't about to start hiding.

We'd lost half the group by now, including boyf, but we hadn't lost Pete. He was on his stool with his pissed head on. When I went across he told me he was going as he didn't feel too good. Got up and moved. He came back a few minutes later. Mart noticed this, and saw that we'd missed an opportunity to move on.

Eventually we did move. It was just Mart, Kyle, Pete and myself by this time. Next stop: Essentials.

Right. This is set about 2.30pm on Saturday afternoon. I can't believe this is taking me so long, but you will understand why later.

We've got a taxi back from the Tram station to Mart's flat. Instead of going in I decided that as alcohol and my clothing need to be sorted I better make a move off. So I get in the car with Pete as he's got things at mine that he wants. Also, Mart asked me to bring some duvets over so everyone can sleep somewhere later on.

First stop is the ASDA WalMart. Needed to get cat food and milk as well as the alcohol. I sometimes wonder what the checkout operators think when some of my baskets are emptied at the checkout. Just after New Year the purchase was 4 (very) large bottles of vodka, 8 bottles of coke, 6 packets of crisps, and a large plastic jug. The operator commented that we were replenishing stocks from Christmas and New Year. Her face went white when Little James stated that that was just for tonight. Obviously she was confused by the jug!

Puchases bought I went home. I live not far from the City of Manchester Stadium so the roads were heaving with traffic going to watch the football and all the fans walking to the match. Some of them were fairly cute, but I've learned before that it is not wise to spot talent while driving on busy roads. Traffic in the opposite direction, which would be how I'd get back to Marts were I not collecting Kyle was at stand still so I was thankful for the round trip I was gonna be taking.

Back at home the cat decided she was not speaking to me. She doesn't like me spending nights away, and she knew I wasn't going to be home that night. I fed her, and tried to explain what was going on, fuss her so she knew she was still loved, but she wasn't interested. She likes Mart when he comes down with weed because she knows she'll get stoned. If I tell her I'm going there her expression is usually one of disgust at being left out. She's a very expressive cat!

While we're there we decide that we should also eat as food maybe quite some time away. So I go and collect the needed things while Pete knocks something together in the kitchen. Unless I've got a good idea of what I want to wear when I go out my outfits are always put together at the last minute. At the time I was all dressed in white and that was thrown together an hour before I went to get Michael. I'd been trying to plan for tonight, but with little success. I'd only gone out for a top this afternoon as it takes ages to buy jeans for me. 28 inch waist people are very common in Manchester, but 28 inch waist clothing is not so common in the stores for some bizarre reason. So I hunted around. Ended up with black trainers, light-blue faded jeans, the blue top I bought, and a white and dark blue bandana with a chunky chain for round my neck. It would probably work. I considered doing make-up, but realised that sweaty faces and foundation are not a good combination. Everything in a bag, I came downstairs. We ate, drank a bottle of water, and then packed the car. Off to collect Kyle.

I was quite reserved with my packing, smallish rucksack with my outfit and some shorts and vest-top for later. Kyle had a huge sports bag with two outfits as he didn't know which he wanted to wear. Pete looked at me as if to say 'who's he trying to impress?' He also had a little black case with clippers in as Mart, boyf and Pete wanted him to do something to their hair before we went out. I'd declined as mine was going to be shaved just before Pride.

We arrived back at Marts about 4pm. With some assistance we got the car unpacked. I said that I needed to sit down for a while or I'd be useless later on. Things needed to be done, but we decided that it was going to be easier to sort them out in small pieces. That way there would be no stress and no rushing to get things done. The target was to be ready for 7.30 so we could go out between 8 and 8.30. These were the only times set during the day. So the music got started and the wine began to flow. I wanted to sit still for about an hour before thinking of getting ready, but the alcohol and music got the better of me before too long. This was a party I had every intention of enjoying.

It turns out the Kyle had been on the weed since early that morning, he was sat on the arm of a chair looking pretty wasted. I asked him whether he was ok.

'Yeah, I'm just a bit mashed! I'll be alright once I start getting ready.' he replied.
'Good.' I retort, 'I was expecting at least one of you on my dance card for tonight!'
Kyle smiles, a very stoned smile.
'I'm dancing with you.' Mart quips,
'I know baby, you always dance with me. That was expected.' I wink.

Time seems to be running out. Clothes have been ironed. Hair shaving and showering take place simultaneously. Mart is the first to shower. When he comes back into the lounge Kyle and I are sat on the floor leaning against the far wall chatting. Mart gets very excited when he's getting ready to go out, and can get a bit flirty when he gets excited. He strolls over with just a towel round his waist. He has to pass Pete to get to the middle of the room as he wants to change the CD. As he passes Pete tries to grab the towel, but Mart is too quick for him, realises the intention, turn round to face him, shouts 'Ha!' to him, turns back and then flips the back of the towel up then wanders back out of the living room. We all laugh. Mart has a special way of dealing with things and it's always funny. But he forgot to change the CD! He's stood in the door way facing out when he drops the towel, intentionally. 'Mmm. Nice arse!' I shout across at him. He turns and glares, I raise an eyebrow at him.

I'm sat next to the CD player, but it is a little further back from me. Mart returns to change the CD and I'm still talking to Kyle. As I talk, I slowly raise my left hand up, it's going between Marts legs, under the towel. I tickle his balls and he jumps a mile. He's shocked, but not that shocked. Some comment is made about me being in my usual position, to which I respond that I'm usually on the floor as that way I can't fall any further. Kyle decides to correct me, stands up, grabs my hands and holds them above my head against the wall with one hand while he gets between my legs and puts my ankles on his shoulders. 'No, this is more his usual position!' Kyle shouts out and proceeds to simulate screwing me like that. I'm sure I go red, because I remember about Michael the previous nght.

After I've been released and stop laughing, I tell Kyle about Michael and being like that. Kyle mentions the look on Pete's face as he did that. At that point I know there's going to be trouble between Kyle and Pete later.

I go and take a shower and retire to the bedroom to dry and sort my shit out. I'm sat on the floor, naked, when boyf walks in.

'Oh my god! She's naked!' he screams,
'Don't mind me, honey, it's your room.' I giggle. I've got no issues about my body, and if I'm tipsy even less concerns about my state of undress. I realise also, that' we're all pretty drunk. Not too drunk to go out, but very very happy and giggly.

I wasn't going to wear underwear that night so I put my jeans on, my top on, socks and trainers and go back to the others. boyf is pig sick as he thinks the top we chose looks excellent on me. I comment that his top is good, and look brilliant on him. I mean it. By now, Mart and boyf are dressed and they do look pretty hot. I thank them all for their comments but tell them I'm not finished yet. I'm not comfortable in the crotch department, gonna have to put a g-string on and also the bandana and then I'm sorted.

I go back to the bedroom to put my underwear on and Mart joins me. We kiss. I think we've both been waiting for the opportunity all day. I tell him he looks gorgeous, and it makes him blush and he settles to sort his hair out. I've no problems with him seeing me part naked so I get on with what I need to do. By the time I'm re-clothed Mart has returned to the group.

I'm just putting my chain on and about to put the bandana on when Pete stumbles into the bedroom. 'Do you think I should put knickers on or is this alright?' he asks grabbing at his crotch.
'What do you think?' I ask.
'Don't know. That's why I'm asking.'
'Do you feel comfortable?'
'Yes.'
'Can you cope like that all night?'
'Yes'
'It looks ok, so?'
'Alright'

Then he sits down and starts to talk to me. It frustrates me a bit because it always takes me a few attempts to get the bandana right. I get informed that Kyle is pissing Pete off, but he's also attempting to cause problems between Mart and boyf. 'Here we go!' I say to myself.

I turn round and face him. 'Look, I'm not getting involved. I just want a nice night. We all know the reason we're here so let's just get on with it and ignore the shit. I know Kyle's pissed...' and at that point he wanders into the bedroom naked and squats on the floor beside me. He didn't hear me. I start to apply moisturiser to my face as my skin is looking dry.

'Ooo. Bandana.' Kyle starts. 'Doesn't suit you.' he quips, meaning that it does!
'But hon, it won't go with your frock. Now go and get in the shower, and get ready, we've not got the time for this.'
'I'm after a towel.'
'You'll have to see Mart, I don't know where they are.'

Kyle leaves. Pete tries to continue the conversation but is interrupted a few times by Kyle's re-appearance. He eventually realises that he's not going to be able to say what he wants. So I tell him something:
'Look, if you start tonight, I'm walking away. If I do that, don't you dare follow me.'
He tried to interject, but I told him I'd not finished and that he'd best be quiet.
'If you do follow me, I'll start shouting at you which will cause a scene and ruin everyones night. And if you ruin tonight I wont be having anything at all to do with you, and neither will Mart, and neither will boyf.'
He tries to tell me that it's all Kyles fault.
'No. He may be winding you up, but you're letting it get to you, and you're acting just as bad. He's pissed up. What's your excuse?'
He starts again. So I tell him that I'm not interested, I don't want to know, that he has to deal and cope with it.

I'm ready, so I go back into the living room to rescue my drink. I sit down and take a sip. Pete comes in and sits next to me. He begins to speak. 'Ah!' I snap, raising my finger, 'I don't wanna hear it.' I relax again. He tries again. I just get up and walk into the kitchen. Dumb fuck decides to follow me. 'Look, I warned you before, and I mean it.' I virtually hiss at him, turn and sit back in the living room. Kath is there and she sees I'm beginning to get wound up. I tell her I'll be alright, and start breathing deeply to calm myself down.

All hell breaks loose in the next few moments. boyf storms off, Kyle is still naked, and Mart is beginning to get annoyed. Mart has a temper like mine, slow fuse, and when it goes off you run for cover if you value your life.

He screams that he's ringing a taxi, and that when it arrives, those who are here and ready are coming, those who aren't are getting locked in. He's deadly serious. He shouts at Kyle: 'you've got five minutes or you ain't coming.' Kath decides she's going to get boyf as she has an idea of where he is. Mart comes into the living room, very disturbed. I put my arms around him, we hug, quick peck and he says: 'even if it's just me and you, we're still fucking going out! Fuck this lot.' boyf arrives back, Mart blanks him, this upsets boyf so I grab him and put my arms around him. 'Come on, hon, we'll get this sorted.' I tell him.

The taxi arrives and it takes ages for us to troop downstairs. Once we're all piled in, we set off. Destination: Thompsons - the night is just beginning.

This won't make sense yet - there's an important part of the weekend story missing - but I'm on strong pain killers and I have to eat before I can take them, and they kinda knock me out. Just as I finish eating the top ball of my tongue ring drops out in front of me. Oh, this is gonna be a cunt to deal with.

It's 10.35 by the time I arrive at Mart's. Pete asks me what time I call this. 'Twenty-five to ten' I answer.
'No, to eleven!' he goes.
'Oh. Oops!' as I realise that I am late as the clock in the car said 10.25 when I dropped Michael off, but I choose not to mention this.

The basic game plan for today is this:
1. Go to Bury to get meat (for Mart, boyf and Kath to eat next week) and outfits for going out later
2. Come back, get alcohol for before and after going out
3. Get ready
4. Get tipsy, and meet guests arriving at flat
5. Go out, get pissed/pilled
6. Come back to flat to chill
7. Sleep

We've worked out that a basic game plan works better than a detailed itinerary. For some unknown reason we can't work to one of those, but a game plan is flexible enough to allow slippage.

So firstly, Mart, boyf and Pete have to get money. On the way to a cash machine we go through a market, with clothes stalls. Jammy buggers are all able to get pretty nice outfits from there. Me, they've got nothing to fit. So what, I can fit into kids clothes, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. [Hmm. Just remembered, Michael can also buy kids clothes for himself. Spooky] They were all about to abandon the Bury trip until I reminded them that I still needed an outfit, and that they still wanted to buy meat. So we went back to the flat to drop off their clothes and then set out to get the tram to Bury.

Because it had already been planned that tonight would be a chemically-assisted night (sounds better than a drugs-binge, right?) I knew kind of what I wanted. Whether I dance or not I get very hot, if I dance I get wet. So I knew I wanted something close fitting and without sleeves. Despite the weather forcast I had a feeling that it would be a clammy and close night, we weren't planning on moving between pubs so nothing too heavy or that I'd take off and lose.

We tried the 'adult' stores but everything either had sleeves (long or short) or was too big. I mocked that we should try MotherCare as '...we're bound to find something in there to fit me.'. boyf gave me the 'aaah' look, and Mart was about to start some of the 'MotherFucker' lines until I glared that I could see them coming. We found a sports shop, guaranteed to have a kids section but sometimes their range is a little too juvenile for me. Anyway, we walked in, and looked around for the kids section. We found it at the back and trooped over. boyf and I stood gazing up at this blue sleeveless top. We both thought it was nice. Mart and Pete pointed out some other items but thry were either too juvenile or had sleeves. The rack was too high even for Mart to reach - him being the tallest - so Pete said he'd ask the (female) assistant if we could borrow her pole. The rest of us looked at each other and tried to stiffle our sniggers.

She comes across, pole in hand and I tell her that we want either a small or a medium. I can normally tell by looking which I'm gonna need, but always like to compare the sizes. So a small and a medium are brought down. 'These are, erm, juniors, you know?' she states. 'It's for me.' I reply. She looks kinda shocked and says that there's a changing room on the other side of the store. I thank her and we troop over. In I go and strip topless. Mart is tall enough to see over the top of the changing room door and I consider being a bit fruity, but decide against when I notice that they can see my legs from the underside. I try the small, it fits perfectly. I pop out, 'Small' I say, they all respond that that is the one. So back in to change, collect the other top, which Pete hand back to the still-stunned assistant while I go and look for the till. £10 for my top, so I get bargin of the day award.

Time is running out. I've told them I was naughty last night for not going home, and I still need to get stuff from home. Mart needs to get meat, and boyf wants to change his mobile phone for one that does pictures because Mart got a new one that does pictures. Mart also wants me to get one, but I can't think why! So boyf and Pete do phones and Mart and I do meat. While we're away Mart asks me about Michael and later so I tell him. Mart comments that maybe that is a good thing, and I add that I've got a feeling that Pete is going to kick off later. To which Mart reminds me that if he does that I'm going nowhere.

We're done at the meat market, they're done at the phone shop, so we arrange to rendezvous back at the tram station. We arrive first, so I take the opportunity to show Mart the text message that Michael sent me before I arrived to pick him up. He calls me a saucy bitch. I tell him that he didn't, but made up for it later. Mart knows how I feel about Michael and gives me a knowing look. I break the moment by saying that we'll both have to be good tonight, and that I promised to try. Mart just smiled the smile that melts me everytime. Then the tram arrived and so did they. We borded the tram and waited for it to leave.

On to the next stages of the game plan. but first I have to go home and get the rest of the stuff I need for the night - including the alcohol - and go and collect Kyle.

We both awoke at 7.45am. Don't know what time it was when we went to bed, but it must have been early. I was aware that I was due over at Mart's between 9 and 10 to get things going for the engagement later that day. Both of us needed the loo so I went, got some water, and got back in bed. Then Michael went, and got back in bed. We nattered for a short while before it became apparent that we were both feeling frisky. We fucked again, and I think our screams woke Chrissy and John up.

I already knew that Michael had to go home later that day, but I asked him if he had a set time. He didn't. I told him my reason. I wanted him to be out with us later. He kissed me, and thanked me for asking, but said that he had to go home. He was trying to save money for Pride and was expected somewhere on the Sunday. I told him that was ok, I had to ask anyway. I'd already asked Mart if it would be ok and he told me not to be stupid! Yes, but it's polite to ask all the same.

Chrissy and John stayed in bed. We went into the living room to get dressed and ended up tidying up a little bit. Michael wanted to go and get his hair cut, so I took him in the car. I felt torn. I wanted to stay with Michael, but knew I had commitments elsewhere. I think Michael saw how torn I felt. We kissed and hugged as he got out of the car. And then I drove off, not so much into the sunrise or sunset, but headlong into the long day that lay ahead.

Well, I know y'all wanna hear about Friday. So here we go. Might not be able to give as much detail as I'd like for reasons I'll post about after.

Michael phones me and tells me he's catching a train to Manchester from Cumbria. Cumbria? WTF he doing up there? I ask myself. I find out later though. Michael is his family's problem solver. Due in no uncertain terms to his generosity and huge heart. He's been up there solving a rather nasty situation with one of his nephews - seems like he's got a huge family.

He's due in to Oxford Road station at 9.55. I don't live that far away so set out about 9.30. I send him a text to say I'm on my way. He replies a few minutes later to say he's just gone through Bolton and to get myself ready as he's gonna give me a blow job on the way to Chrissy's. They're screwing all the roads up around the station so what I assume is gonna be a simple journey - I hate driving through Manchester on Friday nights - gets complicated by road works. So I piss off a few taxi drivers. Ha! Retribution!!

As I'm waiting a train pulls in. The destination screen on the platform says the train terminates here so I'm thinking that it must be his train. The doors start to open and people start to get off. I can't see him, but decide to edge towards the train. He spots me and begins to grin, I see him and begin to walk towards him. I know I've got a cheesy grin on my face, but I don't care, Michael is here and I'm so pleased to see him. First words out of his mouth: 'I'm gonna slap your arse, I am. Not ringing me, I was beginning to get worried.' My expression probably said it all. I have felt guilty, I deserve my arse being tanned, and I certainly don't mind him doing it!

We set off in the car and he asks me why I'd not been in contact. I just tell him I was being a silly bitch, again, and he smiles, shakes his head and no more was said about it. We catch up on a few things. He's beaten me to doing Jeff and Gary, never mind, I'm sure I'll get the re-runs of that. He's also bought a camper van, needs a lot of work doing to it but he says it's a nice project for him. When I spent the weekend with him he'd only just got his driving licence back, he drove his brothers car and I could see how much he enjoyed that. I get a feeling I'm gonna end up spending a significant amount of time in that van when he's got it ready.

We arrive at John and Chrissy's and park up. Lock up the car and buzz into the block. In the lift he kisses me. It was the kiss I wanted at the station, but two men kissing in the heart of Straightsville, Manchester, is probably not a good idea. Not unless we were pre-booked into Manchester Royal Infirmary. At the flat both John and Chrissy are so pleased to see me and tell me that they've been getting concerned that they've not seen me out and that I've not been in touch with Michael. Chrissy tells me off, seems like half of Michaels conversations have been about me and me not ringing. If I do it again I'll have Chrissy smacking my arse as well.

I'm handed a drink - Bacardi and coke - and Michael comes out with his usual line to John. Starts out as a normal conversation, terminated with '... then skin up, bitch!' He's grinning from ear to ear, and he sees me sat on the floor laughing. I know it's not going to be the last time I hear that line. He'll teach me how someday, then I'll get it.

Chrissy finds Michael incredibly attractive and is desperate to sleep with him. 'He's gorgeous.' he kept telling me. I know, his body is a dream. But Chrissy wont push the point while John is in the room, and Michael has no intention of going there. It's not that he doesn't want to, he respects John too much, and has too much fun winding Chrissy up. Chrissy was pretty horny that night, so Michael didn't have to do that much.

We were getting pretty stoned and John came back from the kitchen with a plate of huge sausages. They had to be at least 10 inches long. I was sat on the floor at the side of him with Chrissy opposite. Michael picked up a sausage and slowly, provocatively, put it between his lips and sucked it in. There was only about an inch and a half left to hold on to. It wound Chrissy up, I could hear the gasps of lust, and it was turning me on. He pulled it out of his mouth, grinning, and then ate it properly. They were still a bit too hot for me, so I waited. Chrissy started telling Michael that he was cruel, and ugly, and that he didn't love him anymore. I saw the glint in Michaels eye and knew that he had a plan. Michael has a very strong naughty mischievous streak, and I love to see it. It appeals to my sense of humour. Yes, he was being cruel to Chrissy, but it was funny to watch. Even more fun to join in!

Another spliff goes round as we wait for the sausages to cool. The flat is warming up and Michael has taken his t-shirt off. Chrissy starts muttering under his breath, we can't hear everything, but we know it's all to do with Michael being topless. Michael winks at me, we're about to start round two. He asks me whether the sausages have cooled any, I touch one, they're nearly cool enough for me but not quite. Nevertheless, he leans over and picks one up. Puts half of it in his mouth and turns to face me. I know what I have to do. I lean forward and lick the free end. It's still too hot for me, but I have to play this one. I lean in and go to bite at the sausage, to play with it, to meet Michael in the middle. Chrissy moans again. We both start to laugh with mouths full of sausage. So we back off and take a proper bite at our ends of the meat. I finish the sausage after it had a little longer to cool.

More drink and more talking follow, still with Chrissy being wound up by Michael. At one stage Michael leans forward and says that we don't have to stay there, we could go back to mine. I've smoked too much already and tell him that we're better off staying there. He's cool with that, he's enjoying Chrissy, and I'm enjoying him winding Chrissy up. I know how this could wind up and Michael knows that I've got no problems with that.

The next spliff goes round - don't know how much we've all had - and I end up with the last of it. I put it out in the ashtray but for some reason I feel like I need a cigarette and begin fumbling with my cigarette packet. While I was occupied Michael had removed his jeans and was sat cross-legged on the arm chair. How did I not notice that?

I was just about to pull a cigarette out when Michael says to me: 'if you want to suck on something, suck on this, bitch!' and pulls his half-hard cock upright. His dick is always impressive, but when it's half a metre away from you, and the slit at the top is beckoning, what can you do? I turn and look at Chrissy, his mouth is wide open, he doesn't believe what is about to happen. I look at Michael, smile, his face is beaming, lean over and begin to lick the head. I look up, his eyes are closed but the smile on his face tells me I'm doing the right thing.

He still has hold of the shaft, so while loving the head I pull his feet down so his legs are open and I have full access to the slowly growing tower of flesh before me. Chrissy lets out a long drawn out 'Ahh'. I envelope the cockhead with my mouth, raise my upper body up, and then sink myself down on the complete shaft. I cup his balls with one hand and hold the base of his shaft with the other. I go down on him a few times. Fortunately he's not fully hard - I can't take him all at full mast from this angle. I bring him up to full erection, and begin kissing and nuzzling the tip. We're sending Chrissy bananas, but we're both enjoying ourselves.

I rub my piercing against the underside of his head. I want to see Chrissy's expression, but don't want to stop pleasuring Michael. So I tilt my head to one side and slowly tongue my way up and down the side of his tool. I glance over at Chrissy, he's got his hand in his crotch, mouth still agape. Michael senses I've looked at our handiwork and directs my head back to a more proper orientation and then I begin working him with my hands and mouth together. I just love eating his cock, it's just so beautiful you can't help but enjoy it.

With his size it's not possible for me to take him all into my mouth, but he got me to do something last time that I know sends him crazy. I knew he wouldn't expect me to remember it, so it came as a shock to him when I did. There had been a low groan coming from him all the time I'd been working him over, this turned into a pleasurable gasp. There was no going back from here. He thrust a couple of times into my mouth and I tried hard not to gag. Then it was his turn to take control.

He lifted my head off his meat and leant forward to kiss me. Then slid forward off the chair and gently eased me on to my back. With his thumbs hooked into the waistband of my trackies and jock strap (Ka-Ching!!!) he slid them down and off. We weren't paying any attention to Chrissy at this point and John was semi-comatose from the weed. I took my top off so I too was naked, lying on my back with my ankles on Michaels shoulders. I knew what was coming next, and I wanted, badly.

'You're gonna have difficulty getting that all in there.' I said to him. The lust in his eyes told me that by hook or by crook he was going into me, and I had no choice in the matter. His eyes also told me that he wasn't going to find it that difficult. He didn't, and he slid it in easily. I may not have shown surprise, but Chrissy, who had been watching the entire show, gasped and obviously couldn't believe his eyes. Michael was finding the background noise humorous, but I didn't care, I was in heaven and he didn't miss a beat. He took my hands and raised them out above my head and leant over to kiss me. It was a passionate kiss and just what I needed to seal the moment.

There was motion from John and Chrissy behind Michael's back, but I wasn't paying attention to them, my eyes were locked on Michaels. He raised himself up, sliding his hands down my arms, down my chest, he cupped my balls. I was too lost in the moment to speak, so I squeezed firmly with my arse muscles to let him know I was enjoying this, he responded by pushing deeper into me forcing me to start moaning louder. I broke my gaze with Michael and noticed that Chrissy was going down on a very relaxed John. I think I smiled until the next thrust caused my eyes to roll into the top of my head.

We changed position so I was squatted over Michael with him crab-like underneath me, thrusting his huge manhood into me. Michael and I have two problems when we fuck: because of his length I have difficulty taking him all inside me; also, he likes to pound away and really bang the whole lot in. Tonight, for the first time, I took him all in. I just wanted to feel it in there, just for a moment, or two. He tried quickening the pace, but it was too much for me, so we resumed the nice, long, slow stroking from tip to balls.

Chrissy and John went to bed, we continued fucking on the floor. If the block had collapsed, we'd have been found in the rubble still fucking. The intensity got too much for me at one point and I had to dismount. I attacked him again with my mouth, and got him to sit down on the couch behind us. I went to chew on his balls, and slicked my finger to play with his arse. He knows I'll fuck him one day, but not just yet. I began fingering him, and playing with his balls while he stroked his own cock. I remembered hearing something about imagining your finger is a pen and writing your name while the tip is inserted, so I tried that and became aware that his breathing started to quicken. I released his balls from my mouth and positioned my mouth over his cock so thst as he stroked it it was rubbing over my tongue. It didn't take long until I could feel the primeval roar building inside him. I closed my mouth. The roar exploded, and so did his cock into my waiting mouth.

I swallowed as he emptied into me. Like me, the tip of his dick gets very sensitive after orgasm, and he tried to pull my head away, but I was determined to get every last droplet of cum out of his shaft. When I knew I'd got the last of it I kissed the tip, a thank-you kiss, then I kissed his balls to thank them for feeding me.

We sat next to each other on the couch and cuddled while we drank some water. Both of us shattered, Michael still feeling aftershocks from his orgasm every few minutes. Then we went to bed and slept, contented, and at peace with each other.

Well, kinda had my descision about what I'm doing tonight made for me. Kyle rang me up to ask me how my day had been, and to let me know how his evening went. So I told him about my pissed up message to Michael. And that he'd replied and wanted to meet me. Kyle's instant response: get your arse out there girl!

So I rang Michael. We're meeting. We're stopping at some friends of his - remember the birthday party some weeks back. I'm collecting him from the station in a few minutes to drive over there. Why there? Well for one he wants to wind Chrissy up, plus they've got his ticket for Pride for him. I've not seen either of them since the party so it will be nice to touch base with them. And, I'll get a good rodgering in the process. Game On!!

Sometime last year there was an advert on TV for a milkshake syrup. It was a bit bizarre featuring animated cats on a still picture. Funny but freaky. Strangely, few of my friends saw it until it was re-run a few weeks ago. More recently another advert was being shown about a debit card system changing its name. I'd spotted that they were similar, and i find out tonight that they were indeed done by the same person.

These links happened to fall into my mail box:

Independent Woman
Hedgehogs, and
Jamie and His Magic Todger

And after you've mopped your tears of laughter from the story of Jamie Theakston, and fancy something with a little more audience participation, have a go with Buffy The Vampire Swearer. Did you know her mother used to be Wonder Woman?

I'm still pissing my sides laughing.

I was going to do this entry this morning before I went on my errand run with Mart. Though it wouldn't have been called 'Happy Bunny Time'. Went out last night, well was kept out really. Kyle rang me about midday and asked if I fancied a small afternoon sherry. He was at work early on Friday morning, and I had jobs to do with Mart, so the plan was to do the early shift and have an early night so we were both ready for the morning.

Well, best laid plans and all that shit. Was out at 2.30pm didn't get back home until 11.30. Kyle didn't want me to go home. I had at least five last drinks, and said that I had to go because I needed feeding. Food, that is! 'You're not going!' he kept saying. 'Ok, I'll have one more and then I'm gonna have to go.' I kept replying. So I was more than a little bit pissed when I got home.

I was half way through my pizza, and my third blubbing session when my phone went. It was Big G, he sent me a text earlier saying he would ring later. I was glad I was at home when he rang. I told him I was a bit down and a bit blubby, but that I didn't know why. Talking to him helped, brought me round a bit and livened me up. Could really do with meeting him before Pride, but we'll have to see. We've not arranged to meet, not arranged anything. I hope I can find time for us to meet.

Had a bit more of my pizza and began thinking about Michael. Don't know what it is about him. I feel really guilty about not having been in contact with him. Because I was pissed up and low I decided to send him a text message. To be honest, it was probably not such a good idea at the time, I mean I can't remember what I said but I know I mentioned that I was drunk. Tried saving the message but that didn't work. I knew he'd be in bed so didn't expect a response there and then.

Looked at my phone about 10 this morning, I knew he'd be awake by then and was a little disappointed that he hadn't replied. I'd told myself that if he does reply everything is good between us. If he doesn't reply then I've really fucked up and he doesn't want to know.

I got a reply back while I was out with Mart. Didn't know at the time because my phone was on silent in my bag in the back of the car. So just arrived back home after six hours with Mart and was very happy to see his message blinking on my phone. He's in Manchester today, going back sometime tomorrow. I wanna see him today, but I don't wanna see him today. Wow! Head fuck!!

It'd be great if he could come to the party tomorrow. But I'll want sex with him, and Pete's gonna be there. Yeah, I'm feeling horny. Mart makes me horny, Michael makes me horny. And Michael is so sweet, sexy and gorgeous that I just gotta have him. Told Kyle last night that I wanted a good shagging off of Michael. Kyle hasn't realised quite what I feel about Michael.

But all this thinking is about to bring me down. So I'm gonna stop here. I'll write about the other events of last night in a while. Wanna lie down for a bit, I feel bloody knackered.

This weekend is the engagement. I'm looking forward to it, even though I can't decide what I want to wear. I want to try something different, but I'm a bit clueless as to where to start. I know even now, two days early, that Saturday is gonna be quite an event but I don't actually know what's going to go on.

I kinda sensed last Friday that Mart was having a few reservations about this whole engagement thing but I dismissed it. Didn't want to feel like it was me reading too much into a situation, or misinterpreting what was actually said. Neither of which are things I do very often. I put it down to nerves: he's young and I think it's the first time he's ever felt like this for anyone in his life.

Went round there last night. There was me, Mart, boyf, Pete and Kath. Mart wanted to show me his bedroom, to show off how tidy it was. He guided me in, turned the light on, and showed it off. I was impressed: mine is more like a walk-in wardrobe than a bedroom. Then he came up and kissed me. He made the move, I just responded. I like kissing him, I'll admit.

On the way back to the others we spoke about Friday morning. He wants me to help him run some errands, it involves me collecting him from work in the morning. It's not a problem, especially as I've been promised a snog if I'm good. He said earlier in the week that it didn't matter what happened on Friday as long as he was in work later on. The way this was said allowed a hell of a lot to be read into it. Mart and I work on a very similar wavelength so something can be said by saying something else and we both know what we're really saying. Confuses a lot of people but it's just natural to us.

Some time later on in the evening Mart and boyf were indulging in a little heavy petting. Doesn't bother me, I've seen too many gay men get up to much worse in far less intimate surroundings - hell, I've been there and done it! Kath, however, was a little embarassed. It wasn't helped when Mart and boyf started pulling the front of their trackies out and looking at each others hard dicks. Kath made a comment, so I offered to show her mine (soft). 'NOOOOOO!!!' she screamed. I commented to Pete that she'd seen my arse enough times when I've been there so maybe she should get the full picture. Mart and boyf then started whispering and I was aware of Marts hand moving over boyfs crotch. My mind went back to the events with Paul a few months back, and I just thought no, now is not the time. Mart started showing off boyf's cock through his trackies. I was asked, no instructed, to stand up and take a look. So I did. I commented that it was very nice. boyf just looked very embarassed. Come on, I've seen pictures of him naked on his computer - he showed them willingly - I've always thought he had a nice body and just now know that his penis is also a bit of a treasure.

They carry on flirting with each other for most of the rest of the night. I go to the loo at one point and when I emerge they're all in the kitchen. While I'm in the kitchen I remember that I want to refil my glass of water. I notice as I approach boyf that his dick is still at full mast, and it creating quite a tent in his trackies. I tap it gently as I go past, twice, and think I make some stupid comment. I can't remember now. Got and get my glass and return to fill it. While I'm stood at the tap the realisation dawns that he's not just been touched by Mart, but by me. He thought it was Mart, and again appears embarassed.

'I'm only playing. That was gentle, you'd know if I wasn't playing.' I go, giggling at the tap.
'Gentle, oh my God! I didn't realise it was you.' boyf says, in shock.
'I'm a lot rougher when I mean it, I'll pull it, I'll bite it, I'll chew it...'

Guess I started to flirt a little. Mart realised, but resisted the temptation to join in and just laughed instead. He questioned Pete about whether I was telling the truth, which Pete confirmed with a simple nod.

Later on boyf tried to get his own back. The flat was roasting hot, there was no air around. He'd spent all the time that evening topless in just trackies, I'd got changed so that I was just in a pair of shorts. We both have pierced nipples. 'I don't want you to take this the wrong way, love, but your ring's bigger than mine!' he said. I looked at his, looked at mine, looked at his, then saw Mart's face. The expression was 'don't go there! don't you fucking dare!' I remembered a comment he made about my arse being just as tight as boyfs, and that he liked it like that. I looked back at my nipple. 'Hmm,' I considered, 'if it is larger, it's not by much. Only a little bit.' Mart's expression relaxed, but he didn't spot the glint in my eye. 'But your balls bigger than mine!' I added, innocently. boyf became uncontrollable with laughter, he wasn't expecting that one and Mart just didn't know where to put his face. Their expressions set me of in fits of laughter. I think it took about ten minutes for us all to stop and breath naturally.

I am soooo going to have to be on my best behaviour on Saturday. Yea, well, maybe for a little while.

Just had a crazy thought: It's Mart and boyf's engagement do on Saturday, so it's a bit of a 'family' thing. I shouldn't make a move on Kyle this weekend should I?

... at times there are somethings that really touch me.

Big G summed it up pretty well: 'you've got a tough exterior, you need it, and you're strong when you need to be. But inside there's a very big, very loving, very caring heart that you're not afraid of sharing and showing.' This came after me telling him how upset I get at the loss of life, especially the loss of a young life.

I remember how I cried at New Year when I found out that Marts boyfriend was also poz. I'm still young, he's a baby by comparison and three years further into the journey that me. He taught me a lot, about life, about living and so many other things. It's a debt I'll never be able to repay. He still tells me to this day that I owe him nothing, that it was a pleasure for him to help me. Situations have changed but the support it still there.

Just reading about Ryan's loss reminded me about my emotions back then. Yea, the hard-faced bitch filled-up. I did, and I'm not ashamed to admit it. Whatever the circumstance, whatever the reason, it's still a tragic loss of life and that gets to me every time. One more beautiful candle lost to the winds.

Ryan, my heart is with you.

I know I'm not the only one who got the 'begging email' scam thingy that came from Nigeria. Just been passed this one. It made me piss: Tables turned on e-mail conman.

Tee Hee Hee!!

Just come across the Hell Test. People who know me well will know that this really appeals to my sense of humour: a heady mix of warped, dry, sick, irreverent and downright idiotic.

I scored 170. That makes me a danger to society. Must try harder next time.

Oh, My Fucking God!!!

You know how they say that what goes around comes around? Well something came around today that was very unexpected, something from part of my past. I'm not embarrased, far from it, I spoke about it with Big G yesterday, but it was a bit shocking all the same.

Right then. Today, this morning, I gets a phone call from Mart. 'Hon, it's gonna be such a nice day today that we can't spend it indoors. It's nice now, and it's gonna get hotter this afternoon.' I tell him I've only been awake half an hour, it sounds like a good idea, but I can't think just yet. He's cool with that and tells me to ring back in a bit when I've got an idea of what I fancy doing. I'd originally planned on trying to get some cock. True I was raw and sore, but I was still horny, and still wanted satisfying. So just before mid-day I ring Mart back and arrange to meet. I suggest that we do what we planned to do on Wednesday, sit in the park. He agrees as so we confirm the arrangement.

Mart ends up arriving a little late as he's had to do some running around for boyf, but we end up on a bench in the park and break out the wine that Mart has been hiding from Kath. We have a very good natter about life, the universe, the situation between me and Pete, what we all got up to on Wednesday, what I got up to on Wednesday night, the state of play between me and Mart. I'm in a difficult place because Mart does drive me crazy, and he knows he does. We've both already agreed that the friendship has to continue no matter what, even if the sex thing become complicated the friendship must survive. We sit through the slight shower, hardly notice it, we're busy talking and happy to be in each others company.

Some time later we move away from our bench and more into the sun. We're talking about eyes. Mart reclines a bit. I notice the colour of his eyes. I'd never noticed how nice they were (I am an eye man!) The conversation turned to Spencer, who was supposed to be out on Wednesday, but never showed. Mart mentioned that he was blond, but couldn't remember the colour of his eyes. So I mentioned that most people who are blond have blue eyes. Mart likes brown hair and brown eyes which just happens to be what I have. Mart sends Spencer a text message telling him we're in the park getting pissed. Shortly after, Spencer rings Mart back and tells him that he'll be there in 15 minues. Mart is confused: 'he's at work, he doesn't finish until 5. It's 3 now, what's he doing?' Only turns out he bunked off work because he was doing a split shift and they didn't formalise the other half! So I'm over at a bush, peeing, some metres away when Spencer arrives. Mart indicates who and where I am while I'm away. I see Spencer's face. I'm unsure of the look and what it means. I arrive back and Mart does the proper introductions.

It only turns out that I've had Spencer, many years ago. Hence the look. I'd popped out to the cottage one lousy afternoon when I'd been working from home 'cos I was bored and fancied at bit. He's blond, blue-eyed, kinda sweet (yes he does have big teeth, and yes they are obvious!) He mentioned that we knew each other. After a small amount of questioning all the pieces dropped into place. Oh My God!! He was the 16-year-old with the huge knob that I rarely spoke about. Mainly because I thought he was slightly older and felt ashamed that I'd been with some one so young. That was four years ago. He's 20 now. It may sound silly, but I have had the blond, naive moments and from time to time I still do suffer from the 'peroxide poisoning'. So my little baby's adopting an ex-conquest of mine! How, erm, whatever!!

We don't make much eye contact. Mart tries it on a little with him, as Mart has already asked me to determine whether I think that Spencer is interested in him. I watch him, and I really can't make him out. There's not many people who can completely hide what they're thinking from me, but Spencer managed it. For other reasons Spencer has to go after a while, and says that he might be back, but he's not drinking. Ok. I believe him. Not!!

We finish what's left of our wine and decide to go for a cheeky vodka, again. Mart and I have been flirting all afternoon. We've spoken about it. I'm turning him on, and he's turning me on. Very much. It's half sorted that we're gonna finish the vodkas and come back home and fuck like bunnies. Someone walks in. First person Mart had when he came out. I told him that Kyle has also had him, and so had I! We giggle because we start to see a pattern, and I enquire whether Spencer has had him.

Think I was a little silly, though. I raise the point about our feelings for each other and tell him that in another time, place and if the situation were different that maybe the situation between us would be different. That half of what we've got is good and a lot of fun, but the other half we can't press because it would cause too many problems. And I tell him that I'm not going to ask him whether he feels the same way because I already know. He nods and says 'yes' anyway. The smile and the glint in his eye let me know he is genuine in his response. It's true. I know that I could love him, and he could love me, but the situation would never work between us. The complications would be too much for either of us to bear. We're very close at one point and I know I have to watch myself. Mart tells me that he's been really good while he's been with boyf, and I know he has. But he also tells me that we will end up together again. His eyes tell me that he means it and he wants it.

Mart decides that he better go home to meet boyf after work. So we go our separate ways. I'm cool with that. He may make me horny, I may desire him completely, but I am still pretty raw from yesterday. I've just sent Mart a text message letting him know I'll get him next time. He knows I'm true to my word. Then I rang him once all the pieces of my time with Spencer had settled into place, and gave him a summary of the moment. Kath's Mum was there so he couldn't say much or speak for too long. Again, that was fine.

So what do you do when the ride comes round again? Get off and change? Or stay on and go for another trip? The engagement party could be an interesting afair, but I gotta be good. I gotta be soooo good.

This could prove to be a long entry. One hell of a lot has happened in the last twenty-four hours. And I've got a severe case of 'shit-eating grin' that's probably gonna take another twenty-four to clear up. Ok, here we go...

Well the weather didn't really work out for drinking in the park. True it didn't rain here, but it was warm, close and pleasant if a little overcast. We arranged to meet in Prague at three. I came into town a little earlier but didn't want to go straight there. So I hung around on 'rent boy corner'. Yes, I knew why it was called that before I waited and no, I wasn't there to pick up any trade. I was actually gonna wait for Mart and boyf to come that way from the bus station. Honest. I got a few funny looks, quite a few, as I waited. Possibly it was the innane grin I had on my face because I could tell what they were thinking. Fortunately, no one came up to me and asked how much I charged, and if I had I don't know how I would have responded.

I did get talking to a fella that had seen what went on between Pete and I in Napoleons the other week. He asked how I was, and general chit-chat. His eyes had a 'so this is your day job' kinda look in them so I avoided making any eye contact with him. I'm very good at reading some people, and I didn't like what I was reading with this person. I made a graceful exit and left him standing there and took the long walk round to Prague.

Kyle was already there, sat outside with a drink. I came up behind him, put my hands on his shoulders and went 'boo!' to him. He didn't jump, just tilted his head back and grinned. Mart hadn't told him I was coming, so he was really pleased to see me.

'Silly question,' he started, 'so you on a day off?'
'A-huh.' I answered.
'Great, we're gonna have a good day!'

I went inside and got myself a drink and came back out to sit with Kyle. We chatted. It's one thing I do enjoy doing with Kyle. He can be a complete twat when he's drunk, but sober and in the right frame of mind he's really good to talk to. We started eyeing up the passing talent, as you do, it wasn't busy but then it wasn't quiet either. A bloke came out of a door at the side of us with a toolbox, we both watched him, he passed us, we both went 'Mmmm', then started giggling like little school girls.

Kyle turns round and tells me he's 'dying for a good dick' as it's been three days since he last had any. 'Three days!' I exclaim, 'Try nearly three weeks! I'm fucking gagging for it!' He sniggers and shakes his head. 'You remember the dirty dancing the other week?' he asks me. I tell him that I remember it very well. As we're talking Mart and boyf come round the corner. They already look half sloshed but Mart tells me that it's only because they had sex just before they came out. Don't know if I believe him, but never mind.

Mart sends boyf in to get a drink. It seems as though boyf is coming down with the flu or something. He's always been very pale, just like me, but today he looked really washed out and I tell him that he still doesn't look so good. He says he feels better but that he aches in every joint and that walking is very painful. During the day I get to see just how painful walking is, it's pretty painful to watch and I really do sympathise with the lad. So we're all drinking larger outside, watching the world and the trade pass by. Kyle knows/has slept with far too many people. He lets on to them as they pass. One in particular really catches my attention. Very tight blue jeans and an arse that really was handcrafted in heaven. Just after he passes, and I've turned my head back to face the group I let out a loud, almighty sigh. 'Ahh, have you seen that arse?' I ask, 'I'm sorry, but I'm gonna have to cross my legs.' Mart pipes up: 'Watch her! She's horny, she's gonna pounce on something today.' It's not funny, he was gorgeous, and Mart has this uncanny knack of knowing what I'm thinking and gave me a knowing look.

We decide to finish these drinks and go for a 'cheeky vodka' somewhere else. As we're finishing up, a street cleaner is coming up the street. He's very good looking and he knows it. He's moving slowly with his cart, picking up litter with his tongues and then just standing, looking around and then moving on. We all spot him as he's a few metres away from us. Needless to say we all start talking about him, he knows we're talking about him, and we know he's loving the attention. He passes us by and all four pairs of eyes follow him. Kyle reads the insignia on the back of his tunic (it's one of those flourescent yellow ones, yipee!), it's says Contracting Services. 'I'm contracting as we speak' I say. boyf splutters a mouthful of beer over the table. Kyle give a 'here we go!' look and Mart, well, he knows what I'm thinking, but I get to say it first: 'Oh honey, come back, I've got a right wide-on for ya!' Uncontrollable laughter breaks out, it only stops because all of our cheek bones are aching with laughing so hard and so much.

So then we go to get vodka'd. Thompsons. The first one goes down far too easily. Kyle and boyf go to the bar to get more. That just leaves Mart and I at the table. Mart starts commenting about him being able to turn me on, I let him know that he knows just the way to do it and that it's very easy for him. There's a knowing look of lust in his eyes, he knows I can't resist that one. He asks me what we'd be doing if it was just me and him. I nod towards him, he already knows that answer, and it's him that tells me that I'd be bent over with his dick deep inside me. I'm sure I blush, but it's darkish so no one sees. Mart giggles. I'm trying very had not to make it obvious how I feel about Mart, especially in front of boyf. I'm also mindful of the impending engagement, and I don't want to allow anything to get in the way of that. Mart also tells me that he's been able to get his shift pattern altered so he gets Thursday nights off, 'cos he's really looking forward to going out with me again, 'but when you go to McDonalds at the end of the night I will just have to go home!'. 'Oi!' I say, 'I've not done that in, oo, months. I've been very good. I know I was planning to have 'Sunday Lunch' but couldn't be arsed!'. At that moment in time, if it had just been the two of us, we would have ended up going to McDonalds. We said ages ago that we'd have to do it together some time, but we've just not got round to it.

I say I need to go to the loo. Mart tells me that he also needs to go. He stands up and tells Kyle and boyf to watch the table and glasses as we're going to the loo. I make my way in, I'm first, Mart quickly follows. In the loo, Mart holds the door, and we kiss. Very deeply and very passionately. This is naughty, we could be caught at any moment, but I'm just engrossed in the moment. We break apart, there's that look again, we enter separate cubicles to pee. Mart shouts over the top that he's having difficulty (he got wood!). I laugh and tell him that I've got the same problem. We're both sniggering alternately, thinking about what we've just done and our current difficulty. Separately, we leave the loo and return to our drinks. None of us are drunk, but we're merry. Then we decide to move on. It's cheap, it's nasty, but we all fancy the Union.

Some friends of Marts are already in the Union when we arrive. Mart makes a beeline for them, which kinda pisses boyf off. We sit with them and Mart does spend perhaps a little too much attention on them than his boyfriend. I see boyf starting to get hotter and hotter under the collar. He says something to Mart, doesn't get the reaction he was expecting, puts his drink down and says that he's going. Mart continues his conversation with his friends. Kyle looks at me. Here we go. I say to Kyle that I feel like I should go after him. Kyle decides that he's going to look for him and calm him down. Kyle goes, but comes back after a few minutes saying that he can't find him. We nick his drink anyway!

I notice someone in the friends group that kinda appeals to me. True, he's a bit older that I'd normally pay attention to, but he's good looking, blond, and there's something interesting there. He notices me looking, and nods at me. I nod and smile back. Thinking nothing more than that. The friends say that they're going to New York and offer for us to join them in a bit. Kyle's phone goes as they leave, its boyf. He'd not gone home, just to the other end of the venue. Kyle passes the phone over to Mart, and Mart wanders off to find him. They return a few moments later. There is an atmosphere. Kyle tells them to grow up. I get up and crouch behind the pair of them and put one arm across each of their shoulders. 'Look, you pair, we came out today to have a good time. Not to fight with each other. You're both being silly so come on, let's finish these drinks and move on somewhere else. Ok?' They both give me the 'Yes, Mother' look. Success! 'Right, now kiss each other like you mean it.' They give each other a peck. 'No, like you mean it, I said.' I can be very forceful when I want to be, and they both knew that with where I'd got my hands if I wanted to I could have banged their heads together. It didn't come to that, thankfully. They kissed, and Kyle looked at me to say that I'd done a good job.

Now I didn't specify where the other drink should come from. But we ended up in New York. boyf's face didn't look too impressed. So I spent a lot of time talking with boyf and reassuring him that everything was alright. It seems that one of the friends group was giving off signals about Mart that were similar to those that he reads with Kyle, and that was why he was pissed off. I told him not to worry about it, I'd been on the receiving end of similar signals from the same person - not my blond btw.

I hadn't noticed my blond guy when we first went in, not that I was really looking for him anyway. After all, I'd gone out for a nice quiet drink, and have a good day. I wasn't interested in getting a man. But we meet on the stairs. Little chit-chat and then he sits back down. Certainly gave him the chance to give me the once over. We flirt a bit, but nothing too heavy. Everyone is talking to everyone else. Someone even asks Kyle how long we've been going out with each other! Heigh ho! His eyes light up when he finds out that Kyle is single, but Kyle is not gonna go there after a comment like that. I sit down and talk to boyf. He's better now, and quite at ease with the situation. Kyle, at this point has disappeared. He's on the hunt for trade, and has his eye on a victim.

After a while I'm aware that I need to go to the loo again. But I spot my blond guy going as well. I whisper to Mart 'watch this!' and follow him. He's stood at the urinal with his tackle out, I stand a little way up and get mine out as well. Perhaps I'm a bit too obvious, I don't know, but he notices me watching. 'Nice dick' he says. 'Yours ain't so bad either' I flirt back. He moves towards me, and grabs it. I let him, and go to touch his. It's not as big as mine but it's nice either way. 'You fancy me sucking that for you?' He asks. 'Go on, then.' I reply and he guides me into a cubicle.

We close the door, he sits down and I drop my trackies. He moans. Before we get started I tell him about my status, no problem with it. Not like I was gonna let him fuck me there, but I did kinda feel like it would happen eventually. He likes what he sees, cups my balls and engulfs me in his mouth. He gives it a suck, and I'm enjoying it, but I don't want it to be all one way. We exchange places and I go down on him. He'd noticed the tongue ring earlier when I laughed when we chatted on the stairs. He enjoyed it when I went down on him. We were just about to start really getting into it when there was a knock on the door. It was his mates checking to see that he was alright. I stopped sucking while he was talking, I didn't want them to know he wasn't alone. They were planning on moving on shortly so were rounding everyone up. When it went quiet I stood up. I thought it was over. Before I had the chance to pull my trackies up he'd moved me towards the door, facing the door, bent me over, sat down and plunged his tongue into my ring. Oh, heaven! I had my hands pushing against the door. I probably moaned rather loudly, so I hope there was no one outside. I pushed back to get more of his tongue into my hole. Mmm. This guy sure knew how to eat arse. He breaks off, I'm very satisfied and have a grin on my face. We kiss. We go to exchange numbers but the battery goes in his phone before we complete the operation. We're gonna have to do this with the traditional pen and paper. So we exit the loos, I go to the bar, write my number and give it to him. He kisses me again, and squeezes my arse. I smile. He tells me I've got a gorgeous arse, but also likes my brain. First time that's ever happened. They make their excuses and move on. I sit with Mart and boyf.

Mart notices the shit-eating grin. 'You just got cock, didn't you?' I just nod. Mart then whispers that so had he. I don't ask 'cos I don't want to know in front of boyf. Kyle has turned up with his trade, they're sat behind us in their own little world. 'Who?' he enquires. 'The blond one.' 'Tart!!' he responds.

We decide that seen as next door has opened, and the dj has arrived, we'll go through and have a dance. Don't know what time it is, but it's early, it's only me boyf and Mart dancing. At one point the dancing gets rather lewd, especially the bit where I'm between boyf and Mart. boyf tries to act surprised when he realises its me, but it doesn't wash with Mart or me. boyf knows that I think he's attractive, whether he thinks anything more than that I'm not sure yet. Only time will tell.

The dancing starts to bore us after a while, also, it's a bit cruel on boyf who's really feeling it now. So we go to Churchills for a sit down and a rest. Kyle kinda gets left by the wayside. None of us really care where he's got to, but we know he'll turn up when he's ready.

And in Churchills is where I run into blond guy again. Surprise, surprise, it's outside the toilets! I'm really gonna have to start watching my reputation. He's on his way out, I'm on my way in. We get talking, and I put my arms on his shoulders and clasp them behind his head. He runs his hands down my sides. We kiss. We talk. He realises that there is a nice guy in here, and one with intelligence. I feel so comfortable with him. He tells me that I'm very sexy and that he's quite attracted to me. I let him know that there's something about him that I find appealing, that he's also pretty hot, but that I'm not up for relationships or anything like that. 'Thank fuck for that!' he exclaims, 'Neither am I! I'm just out for fun, and you've got one of the cutest little arses I've seen in a long time.' Ok, so it was a line. It worked. He asked if I'd go back with him. I wanted to, but I said that I needed to go to the loo and I'd have to tell my friends I was going. This was cool. A final kiss and hug and we parted. I peed and then went to tell the others I was off. Big G, my blond guy, was not far behind me. We left and got a taxi.

I had no idea where we were going, but I felt safe. I really did feel at ease. We chatted in the taxi back to his as if we'd known each other for years, not moments. It was a long taxi journey and probably I should have looked at where we were going, but I was too busy talking, snogging, hugging and generally getting too involved to care. I don't normally do that.

Big G's flat is nice. Not big, but nice. We sat in his lounge for a while talking and getting to know each other. More snogging and hugging. I think it all worked so well because we both knew where we were at: this was just going to be fun, horny fun at that, but become great friends out of it all. He fancied me, I fancied him, but it was only physical attraction. Emotion, yes, but not the ones you have when you want to start dating someone.

We retired to the bedroom. We stripped. He put porn on, with my consent but we never watched the porn while we were in bed. And thus began the marathon sex fest. I've heard people speak about being at it all night. This was the first time that I had ever been in that situation. He ate me out like there was no tommorrow. We sucked each other and it was much better without the clothes being in the way. He fucked me, I don't know how many times. God only knows how many loads we were able to coax out of each other. We did sleep. Eventually. A little!

When we woke the following morning it was kisses, cuddles and more getting to know each other both mentally and physically. I was the first person to give him a blow job with a tongue piercing. Think I'm gonna be a hard act to follow. He loved it, really really loved it. I was determined that I was gonna get a mouthful of his juices, and that I wasn't gonna stop until I'd been well and truly fed. He told me after he'd got his breath back that it was the best blow job that he'd ever had. I knew it was good, I enjoyed doing it. His orgasm began rippling from his toes, up his legs, across his thighs and exploded into my hungry mouth.

We're fucking, again, and he's telling me his fantasy. He's got a thing about young scally lads. He's telling me how he's going to dress me up, exactly what he's gonna buy and how he's gonna take me out and flaunt me. We're getting into the realms of role play which is something I've never done. It's horny, very horny, and we're only talking about it. Tight trackies, an even tighter t-shirt that will show off my stomach, cap and dark sunglasses. He's telling me everything he's gonna do to me sexually while I'm dressed like that. Then I tell him that we'll find a nice quiet open space, and he'll slowly peal each item of clothing off me, explore my body with his tongue and then when I'm naked apart from the cap how he's gonna fuck my tight little arse ragged.

He adores the fact that I'm practically hairless, says it really suits me, suits my body and that it really turns him on. He runs his fingers through the four-days growth of pubic hair I have. He likes the feel of it. I tell him that I shave it, and that it was last done four days ago. He pops in to the bathroom and returns with shaving foam and a razor. I tell him that now he's getting kinky, and that I like it! He squirts the foam on me and begins to slowly shave. It's turning him on just as much as me. It's the first time someone else has shaved me, and I really enjoyed it. He mopped up the remnants of the foam and then went down on me again.

We've hit it off in a big way. The sex is fantastic, because its not just physical, it's mental as well. When we do the role play thing he wants to take pictures of it, pictures of me strutting my stuff as his little scally boy. We intend to wind a lot of people up, not too much that it gets awkward, but just enough to have fun. He also spoke about doing a 'boy band member' thing with me where he'll follow me round with a camera as we go shopping. I have to act all provocative, wiggle my butt, and carry on like the superstar! The sex will be amazing after that one. He'd worked out that I also like the group sex thing, and I think he might have something up his sleeve for that one.

I didn't want to leave him, and he didn't want me to leave. But he had to work. Fortunately he's his own boss, but did feel bad that he'd let one of his customers down: he was supposed to be on a job that morning, instead he was on the job with me! He got me a taxi back home and it was about 3pm. I'd been away from home for over 24 hours. I walked back through my front door with such a cheesy, shit-eating grin that you wouldn't believe. So I've got the body of a fourteen year old, according to Big G. And I know how to use it.

So I'm happy, contented, exhausted and absolutely knackered. My arse aches, my cock aches even my pierced left nipple got a thorough workout. Yes. Fucked? Well and truly. But I'm not going back for seconds. Yeah, right! By my sweet gorgeous little scally boy ass I'll be back.

Ooo. Just wait til Kyle finds all this out!

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Erm. Well that's nice, dear!

From NedStat tracking

I've been doing this a lot lately. Looking up the spelling and meaning of words before I use them. I made a comment on Ryan's blog and used the word 'nymphomaniac'.

In searching for the spelling - I got it wrong - I found some thesaurus terms:

bad woman, baggage, bitch, broad, bugger, chippy, clitoromaniac, cocotte, coprophiliac, drab, easy lay, easy woman, erotomaniac, exhibitionist, fetishist, floozy, frail sister, grisette, harridan, hussy, hysteromaniac, jade, Jezebel, loose woman, masochist, narcissist, necrophiliac, nymphet, nympho, paraphiliac, pederast, pedophiliac, pickup, quean, rapist, sadist, satyr, scotophiliac, slut, sodomist, sodomite, strumpet, tart, transvestite, trollop, trull, uteromaniac, voyeur, wanton, wench, whore, zoophiliac

Thank you HyperDictionary.

... getting pissed in the park in the village!

Mart's idea. He was sorry he missed most of the last time we went and just sat out in the park. Kyle and boyf will be there. Plus Mart wants me to meet his new 'protege'. 'Think I'm gonna adopt him.' Mart said on the phone tonight. I don't know, not even engaged yet and talking kids. The lad is gay and has just started working with Mart. I'm informed that he's 'alright, but he has big teeth'. Erm, ok. And how do I respond to that?

Just checked the weather forcast for tomorrow. It's gonna be wet, wet and wet. But, mostly sunny in Munich, Germany with a high of 29C. It was supposed to be wet a few days back and we had major sun so unless I see sun tomorrow morning I'm not going out in shorts and t-shirt.

I like learning new things. Learning should be fun. The first time I performed oral sex after having my tongue pierced was fun and also interesting (and more successful than boyfs first attempt from what he said: something about it scraping and digging into the shaft. Ouch!) Learning how to eat was an experience: sausage, mushy-peas and mash was heaven, pasta and rice which you would expect to be easy to eat caused more problems than it was worth - you don't realise just where mashed rice and pasta can get to until you can't fully move your tongue to shift it. My first snog with another pierced tongue. Mmm. Happy memories of that one!

So, todays new thing learned: My tongue ring (actually a bar bell) is in three pieces. The picture is not far off being to scale.



Now I was told that I should take it out to clean it from time to time. It's been out of my mouth on three occasions:
- first time 'cos the top ball fell off just after eating a McDonalds cheeseburger,
- second and third times because I took it out to clean.

WARNING: here's the squeemish bit! When it was pierced everything went through from the underside of the tongue. First the needle with its cannula (sheath). Needle removed leaving the cannula. Then the bar with lower ball fed into the underside of the cannular. Cannular removed and top ball screwed on. Squeemish bit over, you can look now

With my fear of needles and based on the fact that I couldn't see everything that was happening I assumed that the piercing was in two pieces. When it came out in McDonalds it was the top ball that had come unscrewed. The first time I took it out it was the lower ball that unscrewed. This confused me a bit as I was sure that I screwed the top ball on in McDonalds toilet. But put it down to the fact that it was a long time back and also I had great difficulty in trying to get it back in and screwed together. So maybe I had put it in upside down. I couldn't remember, but I put it back in the right way up. It was a challenge, but after five or six attempts I got it through the tongue. Trying to screw the top ball on, looking in a mirror, with your hand in the way took slightly longer.

So today I takes it out. Again it is the bottom ball that unscrews. Eh? Obviously, I've been abducted by Martians in my sleep (a lot of it happens in Manchester, just look at some of the people) and they've turned it over. Cleaning the loose ball is easy when you figure out how to keep a grip on it. I start cleaning the ball and bar together. First the bar and then the attached ball. As I brush the ball with my toothbrush I notice it unscrewing. WTF??

Now it all makes sense to me: you can exchange the balls for bigger or smaller ones or have a longer or shorter shaft (and why did that sound like a sexual innuendo?). Or, if you swallow a ball, as Mart has done, twice, it's fairly easy to replace (with a new one, please. don't recyle. eeugh).

Putting it all back together was no problem, and getting it back in took me one attempt and probably less than 30 seconds including screwing back the top ball. The tip: curl the tongue so the tip is behind the top teeth and the hole is visible on the underside of the tongue. Offer the top of the shaft to the hole (hold the ball) and rest the bar there. Slowly uncurl the tongue over the shaft. Then when the tongue is flat screw on the top ball and make sure both ends are tight but don't over tighten. Jobs-a-good-un!

A common misconception is that people with pierced tongues are good cock suckers. Not always the case. If you were good at it before the piercing then you will be better (after you've understood how to not let it get in the way). If you were crap before, you're still gonna be a crap cock sucker. My point: it's the tongue that does the work, technique over the tool. As for rimming, well, it's something I don't think I'm so good at, but I do enjoy it more with a little bit of metal banging on my back door.

Anyone fancy a blow job?

Anyone come across this? http://www.viralsolrep.com/.

Apparently 'Russian scientists independently link ingredients of Viralsol™ as potent inhibitors of HIV replication!'

They have a case study showing lab work results. Not quite sure what to make of it. The figures do show a decrease in Viral Load (good), but I was led to believe that a decreasing VL should permit an increase in CD4 cells even though there is no direct correlation between the two indicators. Their results show a drop in CD4 (bad).

Good marketing though: all natural, no toxicity. 'In the last year since the final tests were administered, User X's CD4+ count has risen back to normal levels (around 1000, was 140 at lowest), and the viral count is still undetectable.' So why not show these results? Some of us would like to believe the claims.