Homeboi's Diary

8.20am, Market Street, Manchester. You can't have helped but notice me. Apart from wearing my new white, gold and black tracksuit and the black gloves I was the only one wearing a cheesy grin. I was going to work like everyone else. But unlike everyone else, I was the one leaving for work from the nice warm bed of two sexy blokes.

Last night, again, despite me telling myself that I have to go home I ended up staying over with Liam and Adrian. I'm so glad I did, especially as it made me see just how depressed Manchester people are at that time on a Monday morning! I got some strange looks, but nothing new there.

Why so happy? Well, apart from the fact that I'm just so in love at the moment is that I'm back there later on. After work. We'd just cleaned up after sex and were cuddling in bed when Liam just came out with it: 'Oh, you're coming back tonight after work'. It wasn't a question, a request, or an invitation. It was almost like a demand, but meant in the best possible way. I ain't refusing an offer like that.

I feel like I belong, and I just can't explain or describe the feeling. It's just wonderful.

This link dropped into my mailbox today: http://web.tickle.com/color/ It's all about finding out what your true colour is.

Now my favourite colour is green, but the colour that most symbolises me is red.
The test claimed that my colour was black.


Your color is black. The color of night. Serene and mysterious, black conjures up images of elegant evening gowns, dashing tuxedos, and gleaming limousines. Traditionally a symbol of success, black also represents power and an uncompromising demand for perfection. Not surprisingly, you tend to set challenging goals for yourself and do whatever it takes to achieve them — your strength of character is second to none. This unfaltering determination, along with your natural elegance, impresses people. But keep in mind that your personality might be intimidating to some. Try to temper your demanding side with a little softness — trust us, it won't kill you. Overall, though, black is the color of professionalism and achievement, which means it's clearly the color for you.

But curiously, if you look at my wardrobe, the vast majority of it consists of black and white items. Spooky!

I've just re-read my last post and realised that maybe I should write a little about my four memories.

The first person who fucks you
I thought I'd already written about this but can't find the entry. It was a Monday night, I remember that 'cos I was in Cruz with a load of people from work. It was back in the 'gay baby' days so I must have been about 19 or something. Anyway, some weeks previous I'd been talking to a lad who worked as an air steward. Something 'clicked' with us, probably a similarly warped sense of humour, and we exchanged addresses. Jason told me that he had penpals all around the globe and that cos he moved around so much it was easier to write than phone. So we exchanged a couple of letters (I think I still have them somewhere).

Then one Monday we managed to bump into each other again - he'd been away for a while. He asked me whether I fancied stepping outside to get some air as it was hot. We were in the middle of a conversation anyway, and I did kinda fancy him. So we went outside and took a walk up the canal tow-path towards Deansgate - not the seedy/sleazy end! We sat on a bench, still talking and laughing, then he started telling me a story about how he came very close to death in a car accident. Something about him being dragged along underneath the vehicle.

It was cold out so we were sat pretty close together, but at this point I just put my arms around him. Maybe it was a line, maybe it was the truth. Either way it worked. We started kissing, and groping, then hands went inside clothing. Where we were sat was very open so we went to find somewhere a little more secluded. He fucked me against one of the pillars that supports the Metrolink! I knew it was a one-off - he had a boyfriend I didn't at the time. But it wasn't romantic, probably more animal than anything else.

I didn't walk back to Cruz. I think I more floated. When we got back there we got separated. He had to go and find his friends and I had to locate mine. They found me, they'd got a bit worried 'cos I'd just disappeared. I was still too stuck in the afterglow to speak, so when one of them asked where I'd been I just grinned. He touched my cheek, felt the temperature of my skin and began to smile. He knew what I'd been up to and nodded approvingly.

Jason was a nice guy. We don't keep in touch anymore. I wrote something about the event in one of our letters and his boyfriend found it. To say all hell broke loose would be an understatement but I was 'warned' to keep away.

The first time you really fall in love
Think this is an obvious one: Micheal. And I don't need to write anymore about that 'cos its all in here somewhere.

The first person who breaks your heart
Hmm. This is a difficult one for me to write about. I can mention a name, but there are details surrounding this person, and a situation with him, that I have very big problems with. I was 14 when he broke it the first time, and 17 the second time. For the right reasons and the wrong reasons Simon isn't around these days.

Don't want to write anymore on that situation because it always makes me cry thinking about it, and the damage he caused still lives with me to this day.

The first person you fuck
I wasn't always a bottom boi. But that is where I started. The first person I ever fucked was Pete. We'd been seeing each other for about a fortnight and up to that point sex had always been him topping me. Then one day we were just getting started when he tells me that he'd really love me to fuck him. So I explain that I'd never done it before and didn't know what to do. He gets on all fours and gives me instructions and I start banging away.

In the early days it was still him who fucked me more times than not. But then something shifted and I was doing all of the topping. If ever he wanted to fuck me it was always 'Nah, don't think so. Spread 'em baby!' Maybe I got bored, I don't know, but I did after a while let him get back inside me.

The sex dried up as the relationship started to go foul but I do remember one of the last times when we had sex and I fucked him. He'd been moaning and moaning about it for weeks. So we start off in the bed but I'm bored and want to try something different. I order him to get out of bed and lean against the footboard. As I get out I grab a bottle of poppers. I take a hit and pass them to him. He's still snorting as I penetrate him. Two thrusts and I hear this scream from infront of me. He'd just had the biggest ever orgasm of his life (and I believe its still the case!!). I carry on pounding until he asks me to stop - cactus time. Think I had to finish myself off that time, but that was never unusual! Meaow!!!

Now this is part of a very complex story line. And true to me it's gonna hit here in dribs and drabs. It's your job to piece it together so that it makes complete sense. Here we go...

Not long before Christmas Mart, Chris and myself went out. We'd popped a couple of drops of happiness and were sat in Cruz just chillin out. Chris knows how tactile I can get, he's sure seen the effects of drugs on me with Mart enough times. Well Mart and I were just chattin shite but he must have said something to make me lean forward and kiss him (like I need an excuse to kiss my baby!?!). As I sat back there was an expression on Chris's face. I smiled (probably an evil-ish smile) and said 'Aww babe, you feelin left out?' and without waiting for an answer I dived in to kiss him. Only a brief kiss, but the kind that shows you mean it. You know what I mean.

Anyway. Mart turns back to see us separating. 'You just kissed Chris?' he questioned me. I nodded. Then Mart stands up, walks round over to Chris and then proceeds to snog the face off him. Tongues and all! 'You're fuckin' gay!!' Mart screams at Chris over the music. Not a word came from Chris, but the grin on his face gave the answer away: I am, but I can't say the word just yet. We group hugged.

'He's a good kisser.' Mart whispered not long after. 'So are you!' replied Chris.

So last night we're out and Chris is talking about coming out to his parents. Seems they've been wonderful. And I'm really pleased that they want to support him in this. But they've asked him the question that we all dread parents asking: have you done it yet?

He hasn't. But I have noticed him looking around and eyeing up the talent. He doesn't know what he wants just yet, I think. We've all been there. So I told him that his first time doesn't need to be special, it just needs to be with the right person. He looked at me quizzically. So I continued by telling him that there were three things that you will always remember:

1. The first person who fucks you
2. The first time you really fall in love
3. The first person who breaks your heart

I had to point out to him that these were the things that I remembered but that he might have a fourth:

4. The first person you fuck

But the whole situation with Chris is wierd. I know that I've flirted with him in the past and some of the things I've said have even shocked me. But now that I know he's on 'our side', even though I do care for him, my flirting has calmed right down. Though having The Boys on my mind constantly may also be a factor. I was telling Chris about my intention to try cooking, and we started flirting by text message. He was leading it and I was shocked. He made some comment about prime beef, so I reminded him that 'thin I may be, but scrag-end I ain't'. It did get worse from there...

But back to last night. Mart was already steaming when we all met up. We're sat in one pub and Mart is on brandy. He decides he needs to sober up a bit and tries to get Chris to have some of his brandy. Chris refuses. 'Look, I'll give you 50 princess points if you have some.' I spit my beer and start laughing.

We're not too sure whether Chris fancies Mart. If he does, we think its more admiration than lust. Mart disagrees, but personally I think I kinda scare Chris. Yea, I can come on a bit strong at times, there's the metal work on my nob, the whole HIV thing and a few interesting features of my sexual antics to take into consideration. More than a mouthful for many seasoned homosexualists. And that's all before you get into the 'I boned you so I must love you' debate.

Mart was trying to get him to go to McDonalds last night. Only so we could get him his first bedpost notch (not saying who with) but rumour is that its been burned out. Damn! Though not damn actually. Why do I need fast food shite when I got two gorgeous hunks of prime steak at home?

It's Chris's birthday on Monday so we're going out on Saturday to celebrate. Mart's original plan was to go for 'Sunday Lunch' afterwards - to the place with the golden hoops not the golden arches. But that seems a bit kyboshed now.

Chris wants me to help him set up a profile on Gaydar. So that'll be three profiles that I've done that will be better than mine. Grr! He's also asked Mart if he thought I'd mind shaving his back. Though that came from Mart, so it could be a joke. Mart knows that I don't do hairy backs. But I do find shaving them a very very horny experience - and I've been told that having it done (by me) was a huge turn on.

Say no more. If it happens it happens. But I'm gonna feel soooo guilty!

Don't ask me why, but of all the skills (and other things) I've picked up over the years cookery has never been one of them. It used to be a running joke with Pete: I knew where the kitchen was, I knew what came out of it, but because it didn't come with a CD ROM or have microchips installed I didn't know how to use it! Actually, Pete was very amazed after we split up that I knew how to use the washing machine, but that's a sore issue at the moment.

Mum gave me two cook books as Christmas presents. It's not such a silly present, really, and I have a vague recollection of asking for something like that. Mum knows how incapable I am at cooking. Incapable is probably too strong. My mind just isn't wired for spending lots of time in the kitchen. So to date my prowess with food has not been sparkling.

So on Tuesday night I'm hungry, Mart is home, and I'm flicking through these cookery books looking for inspiration. There's like next to nothing in the cupboard so I tell him we're going shopping 'cos I'm going to attempt some of the recipes this week. But we got pizza for that night!

Going round ASDA with Mart makes me realise just how clueless I am. I'm asking him where I'll find things! We've got a list of a variety of ingredients. Some we can't find and so replace with things that are close enough for comfort. One of the recipes was for Paella, it was supposed to contain smoked fish. 'Vagina jokes aside', I start, 'I'm not keen on fish.' So Mart reminds me that it doesn't have to have fish, I could put meat into it. But we forget to find some meat so that one will have to wait until next time.

I get home last night with the sole intention of coming out of the kitchen with something to eat. And I manage it. The recipe was for something called sausage paprikash. It was gorgeous and I'm so proud of myself for doing it. Ok, so the instructions said it should only take 30 minutes and I managed it in 45. As far as I'm concerned that aint bad. And I'm still here this morning so I haven't managed to poison myself.

And here's what it looked like:


As I was preparing it all I thought to myself that I'd put too much sausage out. But then I remembered, as in life, you can never have too much sausage!

The kitchen ended up in a bit of a mess. A first for me! But at least it will all clean up easily. I'm really proud of myself and hopefully it will spur me on to try more things. I've got another three recipes that I think I should be able to manage.

Actually, I need to get the house into shape. Liam mentioned the other day that they still haven't been to see where I live. I got a bit sheepish, and told them it was a mess. It's my home, and I love it here, but in comparison with their palace (it is a gorgeous flat)... They will come over when I'm ready. Though, strangely, my first priority is to get the kitchen sorted out. Now for the story of the washing machine.

It's old, and it's served me well but its starting to get a little self destructive. The dryer part of it packed up years ago - that was a job for Pete to get sorted and it never happened - but that never bothered me too much. But now there's only one wash program that works on it. The mounts that hold the drum are going (rapidly) so it can only spin at half power. A full spin gets it walking across the kitchen quicker than the cat. There are no controls on the front anymore (it spat them out!) apart from the timer control for the dryer and the wash program selector.

I think it's realised, though, that there's nothing else that it can spit across the kitchen floor, so it's new trick is to drop bits of itself into the wash drum. I've got a lovely pair of tight white shorts that now have some very obvious oily stripes on them. Grr. Roll on payday...

1. At lest 5 people in this world love you so much they would die for you
2. At least 15 people in this world love you in some way
3. The only reason anyone would ever hate you is because they want to be just like you
4. A smile from you can bring happiness to anyone, even if they don`t like you
5. Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you before they go to sleep
6. You mean the world to someone
7. If not for you, someone may not be living
8. You are special and unique
9. Someone that you don`t even know exists loves you
10. When you make the biggest mistake ever, something good comes from it
11. When you think the world has turned its back on you, take a look: you most likely turned your back on the world
12. When you think you have no chance of getting what you want, you probably won`t get it back, but if you believe in yourself, probably, sooner or later, you will get it
13. Always remember the compliments you received. Forget about the rude remarks
14. Always tell someone how you feel about them; you will feel much better when they know
15. If you have a great friend, take the time to let them know that they are great

from a Gaydar profile. I thought it was really sweet

He he. 1st post of the new year. Not much has happened so far. Think I managed to cram too many events in before Christmas and before the mobile phone networks collapsed at New Year to warrant anything interesting now!

And there's still so much juicy stuff to talk about from last year.

Well, started back at work on Tuesday. As per, really didn't want to go into the office. But everyone is please to see me back at work. Decided I'm not telling the whole story of my hospitalisation at work. The rumour mill there would have a field-day with me. Kinda got bollocked for my time keeping - I ain't been on time at all yet - as I should really be setting a good example to the lower ranks. I even managed to start late on Friday and I was working from home! Really need to get on top of my work targets this month. With being in hospital I'm now two months behind...

My New Year's Resolutions are becoming a work in progress. Mart and I are sharing one: look after our bodies. The other one I'm thinking of is If I want something enough, I get up and go get it.

But it's Saturday night. I've had my hair cut, done the sun bed thing again (only six minutes this time so I don't think I'll get sore) so I'm going to get some practice in for next weekend: It's Chris's birthday.