Friday, February 25, 2005

Stretch Number One

Ok, first stretching session over and done with.

Also a chance to use the camera in my phone. If you're squeemish I'd look away now...

Here's some pictures.

side view: enlarging crescent in place.
Side view: enlarging crescent in place - in through the pee-hole out through the PA hole. This actually looks worse than it feels, honestly. Oh yes, my bits look very red partly because of the light in the bathroom and the hot water I was sitting in.

top view: enlarging crescent in place.
Top view: enlarging crescent in place. This is only to prove that it really is in there.

side view: enlarging crescent half-way through.
Side view: enlarging crescent about half-way through. It wouldn't go any further! When the crescent goes all the way through easily it's time to try the ring for real.

front view: fat end of crescent about 2mm inside pee-hole.
Front view: still half-way through. You can't see the fat end of the crescent now, it's about 2mm inside the pee-hole.

I'm actually quite pleased, and it doesn't feel sore. Using the crescent wasn't a bad experience once I managed to find the PA hole. And I reckon my PA hole is about 2.7mm in diameter.

I was going to take a picture of the new ring in position - obviously not threaded through and balled up - but willy decided that this was enough showing off for one day. Might have to dust off my Photoshop skills and do an 'artists impression' thingy. Maybe next time...

Let's Talk About... Cock!!

It's been a while since I posted anything so I just thought I'd come back with something about my favorite subject: Cock. It's no secret that I like cock, I am a gay man after all. Whether it be in my mouth or knocking to be let in the other end (preferably both) I find cocks fascinating. Well, they're all based on the same generic design but there's so much variety. And we're not just talking length and width here. Everyone's dick is as unique as they are. As a baby gay I used to claim that I might forget a face, maybe forget a name, but show me your cock and I might just recognise you!

And I have to admit that I'm partial to a bit of black cock for no other reason than the taste. Honest. I'm not a size queen, despite what a lot of people say about me. I can't say I've had as much of this variety as I'd like. But it isnt true that all black men have huge cocks.

Then we get onto pierced cocks...

I never used to be fascinated by pierced cocks until I got mine pierced. I could take or leave them. Actually, too much metal down there is a big turn off for me. But a nice ring through the cock head - it has to be a ring and not a barbell - is like mayonaise on chips. It's like at Mcdonnalds the other week there was this guy in the darkroom (where else!), we started groping as you do, and I felt that he had a ring through the end of his penis. More of an indepth exploration (yeah, with my mouth) indicated that it was quite a thick ring of average diameter. The lad didn't have a thick cock and it wasn't overly long. Anyway I decided that I was having it. And so did he!

I guessed as well that he did have a serious thing about pierced cocks by the way he started eating it before we went and did the dirty. A pierced cock needs a different kind of attention when its being sucked. If you play too much with the ring it gets boring and can get irritating. Also if its not properly healed if the sucker twists the ring too much it can be quite painful.

Mine is still healing - looking at about another six months for complete healing - but it's doing well. I like my cock. I think it's nice. A lot of other people like my cock too. Including one bloke who liked the look of it so much that he tried to shove it up his arse with no lube. It didn't go in (obviously) and fortunately he didn't hurt it. I've had messages on the Internet telling me that it's such a shame that I don't top. Then they notice that I'm pierced and question why a bottom gets their dick pierced. Good question, actually.

Maybe it's because I am tight but I can feel a piercing when it's inside me, and I do like the feel of it. I know that others can't tell any difference. So does a bottom with a PA attract tops with PAs? Erm, not in my experience. Certainly a PA is not the talent-repellent that a lot of people imagine.

I was reading something the other day about the fetishistic nature of piercing and how being 'ringed' can be looked at as a sign of subservience to your master. Then you also get into the ball game of being tied/chained (by the genitals) to your master, completely affirming that you are 'owned'. Ok, well I don't go for domination and subservience, but it is a kinky thought.

It's also worth pointing out that at the moment I'm exclusively bottom. But I'm not ruling out going top in the future. Just not yet. Part of this is my own internal issues with penetrating someone else, but the PA does have something to do with this as well. It may sound strange nearly two months on, but I'm actually still getting used to what a PA feels like during sex. Because you have something inside and outside of you during the act the feeling is quite different.

My reason for getting pierced was simply because I wanted to. Like all my piercings I got them because I wanted them. Either for the experience or because of the visual aspect. In the case of the PA it was both.

So where is this headed?

Well I was pierced with a 2.4mm x 19mm ring. What that means is that the 'wire' of the ring is 2.4mm and the internal diameter of the ring is 19mm. It's quite a thin gauge and because I'm uncircumcised there is a chance that the ring will rub and ultimately cut into the top of the urethra. They call it the 'cheese wire effect'. Someone got a little carried away with me last week and made me a little sore and started this effect. Installing a thicker ring should minimise this, and also hopefully allow the top of the urethra to heal. Plus I've noticed that the ring feels a little loose. So, time for an upgrade.

I went to see the lovely Carl yesterday. I flopped it out to show him, of course. He didn't have any of the rings I needed in stock and advised me to go somewhere else to get the next size up ring and also something called an enlarging crescent. The next size up is 3.2mm. It, erm, looks nice. They said the 2.4 looked big. I showed Mart and Kyle the ring after I'd bought it. They gulped! So I've got a 3.2mm x 19mm ring just waiting to go in.

This is the new ring.
a 3.2mm x 19mm bead captive ring

Had a go at trying to put it in this morning. Sat in a nice hot bath. Lube at the ready. Removal of the old ring was no problem - simply press the ball out, rotate the ring, and then slide it off. But I'm not quite ready to go straight onto the new ring. I can get it into the bottom hole but it wont go all the way through just yet. It's gonna look awesome when it's actually in there! When I bought the new ring I was advised that as 2.4 to 3.2mm is 'not such a big difference' that I shouldn't need the enlarging crescent. This mornings attempt makes me thing other wise. So I got one of those this afternoon. Slight hitch in that the crescent only goes to 3mm, so this might still take a little doing to complete.

This is the enlarging crescent
a 3mm enlarging crescent

Right then, the plan:

I know I'm not going to get it through on the first attempt. The idea is to gently stretch the hole, to convince it that something bigger is going to be better. Brute force is not the answer. Could tear the piercing hole or cause other complications (like pain). I did try forcing it a little, I'll admit, and my willy told me off for it afterwards!

Gonna have to control myself. Was so disapointed this morning when it wouldn't go through. I know what it looks like. Now I want to feel it. I want to show it off, but everyone will just have to wait...

Sunday, February 06, 2005


I haven't left the country, been abducted by aliens or been in a car accident that caused my arms to be amputated.

Even though I've had a lot I could write about here, one hell of a lot to be honest, my depression has kinda kicked me out of touch a bit. There's nothing worse than wanting to do something and just not being capable of doing it. Or worse when you're trying to keep a diary, that you start something and part way through a sentence you go blank. A blankness where you wonder what you were writing. Where reading what you've just written doesn't jog your memory. I'm finding it all so frustrating.

Things are up and down at the moment.

I know I haven't written about it but the counselling I'm having for the depression is working. I think. To be honest, it's hard to tell. Either way I think we're making progress. It's giving me a lot of things to think about. Whether they're the right or wrong things only time will tell. We touched on something from the end of my childhood that I don't talk about, and only a few people in my life know about. Something I buried. And something I know brings me down when I think about it. Right down.

The last fortnight has been really bad. I'm so far behind my targets at work and I know that isn't helping. The toothache I've dealt with - course of antibiotics (Amoxicillin) followed by extraction. So that's one less thing to worry about, but I'm still looking at about £85 for additional dental work that needs to be done. I've got issues with self-image at the moment. I can't seem to find good in anything. That isn't healthy!

However, I've had some people pay me really nice compliments over the last few days. Some of them I've been quite touched by. That has helped buck me up a little bit. Went out with Ben and Daddy on Friday and had a ball, even though Ben told me off for not calling him when I was feeling down. We didn't fuck, unfortunately, as we both crashed, but we did have a fumble. Love my Ben.

Then today I start with the uncontrollable weepy spells again. Had three since this afternoon. Really wish I knew what was at the bottom of them. Think I need to start recording what I'm doing etc. when they happen. See if there's some connection, or something I can link back to the counselling.

Got hold of the webcam from work and was going to do some pictures, but just couldn't get motivated. Maybe this week...