Homeboi's Diary

Quick one that I've just remembered...

Went up to the local Somerfields earlier, just to get a few bits an shit - unpacking the shopping just reminded me. So I'm at the checkout. There's a six-pack of cat food trundling down the conveyor. The checkout girl stops, inspects and comments 'Aww, so you've got a cat then?'

Although tempted to respond with 'No, I've got a 10-inch tarantula with a particular fondness for Whiskas in Gravy!' all I actually did was nod. Damn gorgeous security guard was diverting my attention...

.. For The Weekend To Begin...

Mardi Gras/Pride/Whatever-its-called is so very nearly upon us. And I'm so excited. Ok, so its an excuse to get completely shit-faced for three and a half days (or as Liam says, 'not like we need an excuse!') and there is the 'serious' bit at the end. But apart from that it all feels a bit like Christmas.

Am I ready for it all? Well, nearly. At the moment the weather looks like its going to be appalling but that don't usually stop me! Outfits are nearly there. The collar I bought sometime last year is getting an airing - complete with dog-tag that took four hours to sort out yesterday!! - for the first time. Did some clothes shopping today but I'm not saying what will be worn when, and it will be a mix of old and new stuff.

But its all so close now that it's getting to the stage where if I aint ready then its tough.

Still need to sort out 'prescription' stuff... Oh, and erm, very important, tickets! Not gonna get very far without them. I'm so sure I was a lot more organised last year...

Phew! What a week! Stop the ride Crazy Jane...

Well the tattoo got cancelled yet again. No excuse this time but again it was on the morning (Saturday) of the day it was due to be done. That said, I thought I'd arranged for it to be Sunday but things are happening so fast at the moment that I could well be wrong. I thought about looking for somewhere else in town for it to be done, but then thought that with only a week to go before Mardi Gras that I wouldn't want to be dealing with that at the same time. So it's been put on hold again until I have more time. After all, I got the best part of two months before its my birthday...

Also met Jeffs mum an baby sister last weekend. He'd mentioned that she might be coming up at some point, but added that just because she's said it doesn't necessarily mean its going to happen! As it was, very rushed, she came up on the Friday night stayed over night and left on Saturday night. Managed to spend a little time with them. I went over on the Friday night, Jeff was panicking a bit - don't all kids when the parents come to visit! - and he was a bit upset that I couldn't stop that night (ordinarily I would have). They're nice. I got approval and Jeff got told off for not introducing me properly. We saw them onto the train and then went out for the evening. He was kinda upset when they left, it was rather cute actually. They've promised to co-ordinate things better next time so they can stay for longer. I'm honestly looking forward to that.

While we were out we bumped into Adrian and a whole host of people I used to hang around with when the three of us were together. I told Jeff that sometimes in some places it just seems wierd, but only because of the memories and all that. He understands and says that he knows he has to be aware that I have a past. I've told him about how I feel about Liam and Ade, though when I first saw Ade and shouted across to him 'Yo! Sexy! Get your arse here and give us a snog!', well, that kinda sums things up. Later on as we were leaving and I said my goodbye's Ade asked whether he was just a shag. Proudly, I told him that Jeff was my boyfriend. He smiled and said 'well done'. I know I still love Ade (and Liam) and I do miss them but my heart is with Jeff.

On Sunday, when I finally got back home - cos after getting home I had to trek out again to get gas and electric - I saw I'd got a text off Liam. Seems we'd missed him on the Saturday by half-an-hour. I know I'll see them both over Mardi Gras and we'll have a good gas. Will I sleep with them? Difficult question. Cos even though I know I could if I wanted to (as long as its not flaunted in front of Jeff) it wouldn't feel right. But I'm not going into that one now.

Saw Mart on Monday night. Bless him, he's really poorly at the moment and unfortunately I've picked up on the bug. Ouch. Just at the right time. It doesn't help that he's so pissed off with work either. Quite a number of things are getting to him at the moment. Me going round there seemed to help though. We had a good night - Kyle and Chris were there too - got a little tipsy (and dropped a little speed). And I was supposed to be detoxing ready for Mardi Gras.

Bugger my children!!

Well I was expecting to be in pain tonight. But no. I'm in no pain and my body is in the same condition as it was on Saturday morning. No. I didn't chicken out, and I didn't miss the booking. It was unavoidably cancelled.

Went out with Jeff last night and we had a brilliant time. Neither of us came back too drunk either, unlike last time when we came back absolutely shit-faced. Just before we went to bed Jeff asked me what time I was going to have to leave tomorrow (today) to get the tattoo done. So I sent a text to Chris to let me know what was going on. I gets a phone call this morning to say that the whole thing had been cancelled. Seems something happened at the tattoo artists end and someone has a broken arm. So its all on hold until next weekend.

Ok, shit happens. Am a little disapointed cos I was looking forward to the experience (and the end product). Chris was really apologetic. Its not his fault though. So roll on next weekend...

Been a long time coming, but it looks as if I might just be getting that tattoo done on my back. Literally just in time for Mardi Gras.

I can't wait for Sunday when its all supposed to be taking place, though I know its going to hurt. Was speaking to a lad I know who has one around his belly button who told me how the pain of that knocked him out after a while. I suppose its like a hair cut though, once you've started it its not that easy to just leave.

Mart's having one done as well and we have Chris to thank for all the arrangements: she may be a card carrying queen these days, but she's getting the arm tattoos to show that she might once have been a man...

I only spotted the TV advert for all this a few days back. It made me piss. Especially when I heard that they were going to send out 'size guides' in the post!

Clearly it involves more work when the item is bigger. This bottom has known that for years! My size guide was in my head and sadly subject to a great deal of flexibility - also known as 'eyes-bigger-than-me-arsehole' syndrone. My mind is running riot on this one. Maybe its fortunate that I dont have the time or the software to produce an 'alternative size guide'.

Thank you Royal Male (oops!!) Mail for giving me a hoot!

I think I'm gonna need some therapy
Oh babe I hope you've got a PhD
Won't you let me on your leather couch
I've got a lot I need to talk about

I think I'm crazy
Think I'm stupid
Must have lost my mind
Wonder what I'm thinking lovin' you
'cause boy if you were mine
I'd really go insane
You'd be my favourite thing
I'd go ballistic
Yea, you're making me a crazy chick

You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued
I just can't help myself,
I need professional help, help
I need professional heeeeelp

You've really done it this time
You know your twisting my mind
You got me acting like a whacked out chick

So I won't be responsible
'Cause I'm really not logical
No I won't be to blame
You know I'm really not sane

I think I'm crazy
Think I'm stupid
Must have lost my mind
Wonder what I'm thinking lovin' you
'cause boy if you were mine
I'd really go insane
You'd be my favourite thing
I'd go ballistic
Yea, you're making me a crazy chick

You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued
I just can't help myself,
I need professional help, help

Can't get you outta my head
so let me just confess
For those kisses baby for your love
You drive me crazy
I can't get enough

I think I'm crazy
Think I'm stupid
Must have lost my mind
Wonder what I'm thinking lovin' you
'Cause boy if you were mine
I'd really go insane
You'd be my favourite thing
I'd go ballistic
Yea, you're making me a crazy chick

You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued,
I just can't help myself,
I need professional help, help

You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued,
I just can't help myself,
I need professional help, help
I need professional help---------------------------

You're driving me, to insanity,
All the things you do
You make me come unglued,
I just can't help myself,
I need professional help
I need help

[Charlotte Church : Crazy Chick]

Jesus, it's been such a long time since I wrote anything here. And I'm not going to make any promises about trying to keep it up again. You know I hate making promises I can't keep.

So we're over half-way through 2006. What a year its been so far. Highs and lows swinging like huge testicles, never knowing what to expect from one day to the next. I'd probably need another 12 months just to catch up. Time that just aint there. Boi's a busy boy at the moment (well damn good at pretending if nothing else!)

BTW. The memory is shot. I'm going to attempt to do a 'catch-up' but you can guarantee that I'll miss things out, hopefully not the important things though.

Considering I got more bloodworks coming up at the end of this month I guess the last scores should the the starting point:

CD4: 280
VL: 99800

We're on approach for Mardi Gras and guess whose next appointments are right afterwards? Tee hee he! Yep, u guessed right! I'm not expecting the next ones to be good anyway. I'll over indulge (in most vices), not get near enough sleep, be on a high of some description for most of the weekend right ready to crash back down to earth (in a bad way) just as I start work and go for my next tests. Oh I love it when I can predict things like that. But you know that wont change a single thing.

Health-wise I've not been too bad. The depression is still there. Lurking. Had a few periods very recently where I've been really down. Including one where I started shouting and swearing at Mart. He was trying to help me in the best way he knows by not taking me on and trying to cheer me up. I didn't want to wallow in it but knew that that was all I could do that time. Also had one where it took me two days to work out that I really was depressed, once I'd got that sorted I was fine! Go figure!!

Caught a dose of Chlamydia which led to a lump in my scrotum. That was painful and came up in a matter of days. It was huge. As big as one of my bollox and in the pipe-work. Silly thing is that I'd been for the smears and not heard anything back, then this lump appears from no where. You can imagine what went through my mind. My GP (who I saw for the first time since being registered at the practise) reassured me that it wasn't nasty but you still cant help but wonder. Anti-B's 4 times a day for 21 days. 'If I've got it right you should notice a difference in about 3 days' he said. Well I waited the three days... Then I got the recall from the clinic and they told me about the Chlamydia. I asked whether the lump could be connected. Seems in rare extended cases that lumps can form but I asked to see someone anyway. Saw my consultant who commended my GP (he'd have done the same diagnosis) and told me not to worry and not to play with it - it would only agrivate and make it worse. I'm in no pain now and the lump is largely gone, but I think it has damaged the tube cos to me I can still feel a bit of a lump.

The loves of my life - Liam and Ade - are still around. I'm not with them, and they are not together anymore. It all fell apart earlier in the year. Jealousy, I think, between them over me. Its a complex story and I'm not even sure if I've got all the facts. Heartbroken was an understatement cos it came out of nowhere. I can handle anything (eventually) provided I know where I stand. Maybe at the time none of us knew where we stood and that was the problem. There were a couple of attempts afterwards to salvage the situation but they all turned out badly. Liam confided in me one night/morning that he wasnt happy with Adrian and that was the start of the rapid decline. Then we went to have sex (at Liams instigation) during which time just as Ade had penetrated me Liam drops the bombshell that he wants to leave Adrian!! They've been back and forth with each other a number of times but now they are separated. Glad to say though that they are still mates.

The ups and downs of life have been more dramatic than the ins and outs of my love life! I'm currently seeing someone, Jeff, we met years back, lost contact and now we're seeing how things go. We met at a mutual friend's memorial. Everyone was saying that I could be the only one who could cop off at a fucking funeral! I love him a lot and we've been sort of serious for over a month now. We're trying to be adult about things. He's got his problems, I've got mine. We're not being posessive over each other, we're both free to do what/who-ever we like. As long as there are no lies or shit like that we can take on the world.

He met the ex's the other week when we went out. We were just trolling down Canal Street when out of nowhere Liam came bounding up, leapt at me and gave me a huge bear hug. Then Ade comes over, huge hug again, and tells me 'yea, I did fall out with you for a while. Him and his lies (nodding towards Liam), but it's ok now. You're still a good fuck!'. To be honest, I don't know if we'll ever have sex with each other again (Adrian that is), I'm not ruling it out, but I'm not going looking for it.

Mart moved in with me for a while (like about eight months). It was nice to have him here with me but it changed the way our relationship worked. We're still as close as ever, probably closer, but changes in his job mean he needs to be closer to work. Suprisingly, considering the length of time we lived with each other, and knowing our history, the number of times we had sex with each other is tiny. There's probably something in that but I'm not gonna think about it right now. I still love him deeply and always will. We've been through so much together. I know I can't live without him and he constantly tells me that he wouldn't be who he is and where he is now without me.

I've installed wired networking in the upstairs of the house. That was a fun project. Very messy though. I had a lot of fun working with power tools [insert your own lewd comments here...], making holes in walls [glory hole gags belong here...], and putting it all together. Maybe it's a little on the sad side but I do have pictures of the project. It's not completely finished cos I need to extend the wiring downstairs but that will mean having to learn how to do plastering.

Chris, well, what can I say? Turning out to be a right little queen is that one! We saw his first conquest at McDonalds (he rode top). Ok, so the three of us were Speeding and very giggly. He disappeared from the jacuzzi with a bloke so shortly afterwards we went on the hunt to see where they were. What a pity so many of the lock-ups dont have bolts! NOT!!!! We didn't go to perve, honest, it was just a quick discrete peek and then run away. Gotta say, I was impressed. If that was the first time he'd fucked a bloke (a point which is still in discussion) god help it when he really gets to know what hes doing. I'm told he's also done the bottom-thing. Bitch has got more men lined up at the moment than me though!!

Haven't really seen much of Kyle so far this year. We still havent gotten over all the shit that happened around the time of my hospitalisation. Typical Kyle really, I suppose. He's realised that I aint gonna come running everytime his life falls over cos I got my own issues to attend to. When we have met up I've avoided that whole point in time simply because there is so much that I could say that would tear the guts out of him. I've had the dark sheepish Doe-eyes from him but considering that we were once so close surely an apology wouldn't go amiss? I'm not holding my breath and I don't want that to seem as catty as it sounds.

Gloria finally went to another driveway. That was about three weeks back.



It was a sad time, but Gloria was poorly. I'm not mechanically minded but when a car feels like its just trebbled in weight and starts overheating after 10 minutes when you've got no where near 30mph then you know that something is seriously wrong. I know she could probably have been fixed, but I thought it more logical to mend it with a new(er) one! So now I've got a lovely T-reg Black Ford Fiesta. It's not got a name yet - my cars tend to name themselves within the first month so there's time yet!



O yes, the heading of this entry. Computers. I FUKKIN HATE EM



For the first time in over ten years of working with the damn things I've got viruses and malware that I just cannot shift. It's killed one server (fortunately I've not lost anything) and another is in a confused state. More confused than me. I'll get them sorted, eventually.