Sunday, November 28, 2004
D-Day
We were rudely awoken by Kyle at 9.45am on the phone. Mart fell out of bed to pick the phone up. I could hear Kath banging around the rest of the flat. I was surprised she was still there as I though she was supposed to be starting work at 10am. Mart was stood by the bedroom door talking. I just stayed cuddled up with the duvet in bed. Mart and Kyle spoke for about 10 minutes then Mart went to the loo. Aparently I looked so cute in bed, all he could see were my eyes peering out.
Mart got back in bed and there was a knock on the door. Kath offering us a brew. She's a good lass. We're getting her well trained, and she'll make someone a lovely 'fag-hag' someday! I gave Mart a quick good morning peck before the brews arrived. The three of us spoke about this and that. Kath was not surprised to see me. After all, I think I'd spent more time with Mart in his bed than with anyone else over the last week!
It seemed strange to still be in Marts bed in daylight. Usually when it's been morning we've both had to rush off but this day was different and we just stayed there. Mart knew that this was D-Day - Diagnosis Day. And I told him that I'd already envisaged spending most of the day in bed, 'just never anticipated it would be your bed!' He howled. He also apologised for the previous night with him just crashing out. He remembered that at one point I was stroking him, and his comment that he 'knew what I was doing, but wasn't able to respond.' I told him that that was ok.
We listened to some CD's and continued talking. I was still horny from the night before and proceeded to tell Mart this. He looked at me, kinda embarassed, and said he wasn't sure whether he was or not. 'We'll listen to this track, I'll make a brew, and then I'll let you know'. Basically, us having sex with each other was fine when we're off our faces, but doing it stone cold sober was a barrier. If we did end up doing anything today it was going to be very different from the times before, but neither of us knew how this was going to work if indeed it was going to work.
So the track finished and the brew was made and brought in. We sat there drinking. Making small talk, both flirting but trying not to and skirting around the subject of sex. There wasn't an atmosphere, as such, just one of those difficult moments. We found some way of shattering that moment. After all, we'd found a level with each other where honesty was going to work.
'Yeah, I'm horny, let's do it.' So we snuggled down under the covers and started kissing and cuddling. It seemed so wierd to be able to see Mart doing this. When I was younger I always used to close my eyes when I kissed someone passionately. Then one 'trick' asked me why I always did it. Was there something wrong? Was I thinking about someone else? From that moment on, 'cos I couldn't answer, I've noticed that it's rare for me to keep my eyes closed when I kiss. This was going to be difficult, and there were no guarantees that we'd get much further than this.
I rolled him onto his back and moved myself down his body. I was going to attack his cock. 'Don't look at me!' he said as I took him in my mouth. Again it was wierd, even in the dark I always look at the face of the cock I'm chowing. I noticed he had his hand lightly over his eyes. I went back to work. I can't describe what I was thinking other than I had to really focus on worshipping the meat between my lips. We changed roles, or at least attempted to. I rolled on my back and Mart went down towards my dick. I tried not to look at him, and failed. He got a pillow and stood it across my stomach and went down on me. I started giggling, Mart's head popped back up over the pillow. 'No peeking now!' he chuckled. That just made it worse for me and I started laughing even more. 'Do you always wear this cockring?' he queried. To be honest, I'd put it on before I went out and had forgotten all about it. 'Not all the time.' I responded between giggles. He cam back up the side of me. We hugged and kissed. 'At least we can laugh at this.' I said and he nodded in agreement. We'd always believed that we'd never get as far as the sex bit because of all the laughing. There was some truth in this. But here we were enjoying each other and having a laugh at the same time. Now isn't sex supposed to be fun?
We decided to take a breather for a few minutes and had a cigarette each. The daylight on Mart's naked body made him self conscious and he kept a hand over his genitals the entire time. I don't understand that one, I have to admit. I've explored that area with my hands, my fingers and my mouth yet to explore it visually is not allowed. But I have to respect that. It's a difference that makes Mart who he is. So I'm brazen and have no issues with my own body I respect that other people aren't as open as I am about it. Certainly, Mart is much less paranoid about his body than he used to be.
When we resume our activities Mart is eating my arse. There's a mirror at the end of the bed. We had to position ourselved in such a manner that I couldn't see Mart and he couldn't see me. At one point I rolled my head and caught a glimpse of Mart between my arse-cheeks. I had to blot it out quickly. I was enjoying it, and I knew that Mart was enjoying it. But we were both having to think about it, if you understand, and that added a layer to the proceedings. I knew that sooner or later I was going to be desperate for Mart to stick his cock into me and shag me. That was going to need some thought as to positioning. We've already found that the best position for us is with me sat across him, facing him. In the dark this is fine. In daylight, and sober, this was a no no. Turning me round was not an option because of the mirror.
Fucking time arrived. 'Erm, how are we going to do this?' Mart asked.
'Erm, erm. I've been thinking about that.' for the first time, actually having difficulty talking about this.
'You know I can't look at you while we do this.' he stated.
'I know. I think the only way we're gonna be able to do this is doggy-style.' I replied
Now I like doing it doggy. Always have. I know it's not as intimate as other positions and that sometimes that intimacy is needed (for both parties). But this was an occasion where it was all down to the sex. Mart agreed that it was probably the best solution. So I assumed the position, he rubbered up, lubed up, lined up and pushed it up. It took a few attempts to get the angles right and to get us both comfortable. The advantage for Mart here, however, was that he could bang away as hard as he liked. I'd already observed from previous encounters that he likes to slam it in every now and then. He fucked me good and proper and filled the condom. We both collapsed back on the bed. He found a towel for me to sit on so I didn't get lube on the bed.
We'd entered a new territory now. One from which there was no turning back. Everytime before there had been something we could blame, either drugs, alcohol, or normally both. This time there was nothing. We'd done it because, well, we both felt like it. It was good to know that we could. Was good that we could laugh about it. The 'no peeking now!' line was going to be used again in general conversation - a private joke that only we'd get. It was also very good that we'd both enjoyed it. Neither of us believe that it's going to happen like that too many times, for no other reason than it's much harder work to settle in to.
We lay back in the afterglow. My phone went off, a text message. I waited a few moments before picking it up. It was Daddy. He was back out in town with Ben and was wondering whether I was available to join them. I told Mart. I knew that he couldn't as he was working later on. I thought about it, then thought about it some more. Then I remembered that my aim for D-Day was to get wasted. I'd done the 'bed' bit after a fashion (ok, so it wasn't my bed, and I didn't cry). So I replied to the text saying that I still had to go home and get changed but I'd meet them out later on. I spent the next few hours with Mart. I didn't want it to seem like I'd just hung around to get shagged. Sorry, but I think more of Mart than that. One hell of a lot more. We listened to the Scissor Sisters CD and laughed at some of the lyrics. 'Do you think they do drugs?' Mart asked at one point. 'I think they do some worse shit than we do honey, and more of it!' I replied.
Mart went to go to the loo. I took the opportunity to find my clothes and begin putting them on. I got partly dressed and was waiting for Mart to return. I usually spend my time there in shorts, t-shirt and a cap and Mart usually refers to me as getting ready to go clubbing. This time, I just sat on the edge of the bed wearing my cap, t-shirt, jock strap and trainers waiting for him to come back. I was going to do the 'Now I'm ready to go out' line, but gave up waiting. He probably wasn't that long but it seemed like ages to me. I got dressed properly and waited. He came back. We hugged and he led me to the door. We hugged again and kissed and I left.
Trip back home to get changed then straight back out. Just as I was leaving the phone went. It was Daddy so I told him I'd see him very shortly. Ben and Daddy were very somber when I arrived. They'd started without me, but that was ok. Wouldn't take me that long to catch up.
Can't really remember much of the night. But I know I sent a text message to Mart:
Mart got back in bed and there was a knock on the door. Kath offering us a brew. She's a good lass. We're getting her well trained, and she'll make someone a lovely 'fag-hag' someday! I gave Mart a quick good morning peck before the brews arrived. The three of us spoke about this and that. Kath was not surprised to see me. After all, I think I'd spent more time with Mart in his bed than with anyone else over the last week!
It seemed strange to still be in Marts bed in daylight. Usually when it's been morning we've both had to rush off but this day was different and we just stayed there. Mart knew that this was D-Day - Diagnosis Day. And I told him that I'd already envisaged spending most of the day in bed, 'just never anticipated it would be your bed!' He howled. He also apologised for the previous night with him just crashing out. He remembered that at one point I was stroking him, and his comment that he 'knew what I was doing, but wasn't able to respond.' I told him that that was ok.
We listened to some CD's and continued talking. I was still horny from the night before and proceeded to tell Mart this. He looked at me, kinda embarassed, and said he wasn't sure whether he was or not. 'We'll listen to this track, I'll make a brew, and then I'll let you know'. Basically, us having sex with each other was fine when we're off our faces, but doing it stone cold sober was a barrier. If we did end up doing anything today it was going to be very different from the times before, but neither of us knew how this was going to work if indeed it was going to work.
So the track finished and the brew was made and brought in. We sat there drinking. Making small talk, both flirting but trying not to and skirting around the subject of sex. There wasn't an atmosphere, as such, just one of those difficult moments. We found some way of shattering that moment. After all, we'd found a level with each other where honesty was going to work.
'Yeah, I'm horny, let's do it.' So we snuggled down under the covers and started kissing and cuddling. It seemed so wierd to be able to see Mart doing this. When I was younger I always used to close my eyes when I kissed someone passionately. Then one 'trick' asked me why I always did it. Was there something wrong? Was I thinking about someone else? From that moment on, 'cos I couldn't answer, I've noticed that it's rare for me to keep my eyes closed when I kiss. This was going to be difficult, and there were no guarantees that we'd get much further than this.
I rolled him onto his back and moved myself down his body. I was going to attack his cock. 'Don't look at me!' he said as I took him in my mouth. Again it was wierd, even in the dark I always look at the face of the cock I'm chowing. I noticed he had his hand lightly over his eyes. I went back to work. I can't describe what I was thinking other than I had to really focus on worshipping the meat between my lips. We changed roles, or at least attempted to. I rolled on my back and Mart went down towards my dick. I tried not to look at him, and failed. He got a pillow and stood it across my stomach and went down on me. I started giggling, Mart's head popped back up over the pillow. 'No peeking now!' he chuckled. That just made it worse for me and I started laughing even more. 'Do you always wear this cockring?' he queried. To be honest, I'd put it on before I went out and had forgotten all about it. 'Not all the time.' I responded between giggles. He cam back up the side of me. We hugged and kissed. 'At least we can laugh at this.' I said and he nodded in agreement. We'd always believed that we'd never get as far as the sex bit because of all the laughing. There was some truth in this. But here we were enjoying each other and having a laugh at the same time. Now isn't sex supposed to be fun?
We decided to take a breather for a few minutes and had a cigarette each. The daylight on Mart's naked body made him self conscious and he kept a hand over his genitals the entire time. I don't understand that one, I have to admit. I've explored that area with my hands, my fingers and my mouth yet to explore it visually is not allowed. But I have to respect that. It's a difference that makes Mart who he is. So I'm brazen and have no issues with my own body I respect that other people aren't as open as I am about it. Certainly, Mart is much less paranoid about his body than he used to be.
When we resume our activities Mart is eating my arse. There's a mirror at the end of the bed. We had to position ourselved in such a manner that I couldn't see Mart and he couldn't see me. At one point I rolled my head and caught a glimpse of Mart between my arse-cheeks. I had to blot it out quickly. I was enjoying it, and I knew that Mart was enjoying it. But we were both having to think about it, if you understand, and that added a layer to the proceedings. I knew that sooner or later I was going to be desperate for Mart to stick his cock into me and shag me. That was going to need some thought as to positioning. We've already found that the best position for us is with me sat across him, facing him. In the dark this is fine. In daylight, and sober, this was a no no. Turning me round was not an option because of the mirror.
Fucking time arrived. 'Erm, how are we going to do this?' Mart asked.
'Erm, erm. I've been thinking about that.' for the first time, actually having difficulty talking about this.
'You know I can't look at you while we do this.' he stated.
'I know. I think the only way we're gonna be able to do this is doggy-style.' I replied
Now I like doing it doggy. Always have. I know it's not as intimate as other positions and that sometimes that intimacy is needed (for both parties). But this was an occasion where it was all down to the sex. Mart agreed that it was probably the best solution. So I assumed the position, he rubbered up, lubed up, lined up and pushed it up. It took a few attempts to get the angles right and to get us both comfortable. The advantage for Mart here, however, was that he could bang away as hard as he liked. I'd already observed from previous encounters that he likes to slam it in every now and then. He fucked me good and proper and filled the condom. We both collapsed back on the bed. He found a towel for me to sit on so I didn't get lube on the bed.
We'd entered a new territory now. One from which there was no turning back. Everytime before there had been something we could blame, either drugs, alcohol, or normally both. This time there was nothing. We'd done it because, well, we both felt like it. It was good to know that we could. Was good that we could laugh about it. The 'no peeking now!' line was going to be used again in general conversation - a private joke that only we'd get. It was also very good that we'd both enjoyed it. Neither of us believe that it's going to happen like that too many times, for no other reason than it's much harder work to settle in to.
We lay back in the afterglow. My phone went off, a text message. I waited a few moments before picking it up. It was Daddy. He was back out in town with Ben and was wondering whether I was available to join them. I told Mart. I knew that he couldn't as he was working later on. I thought about it, then thought about it some more. Then I remembered that my aim for D-Day was to get wasted. I'd done the 'bed' bit after a fashion (ok, so it wasn't my bed, and I didn't cry). So I replied to the text saying that I still had to go home and get changed but I'd meet them out later on. I spent the next few hours with Mart. I didn't want it to seem like I'd just hung around to get shagged. Sorry, but I think more of Mart than that. One hell of a lot more. We listened to the Scissor Sisters CD and laughed at some of the lyrics. 'Do you think they do drugs?' Mart asked at one point. 'I think they do some worse shit than we do honey, and more of it!' I replied.
Mart went to go to the loo. I took the opportunity to find my clothes and begin putting them on. I got partly dressed and was waiting for Mart to return. I usually spend my time there in shorts, t-shirt and a cap and Mart usually refers to me as getting ready to go clubbing. This time, I just sat on the edge of the bed wearing my cap, t-shirt, jock strap and trainers waiting for him to come back. I was going to do the 'Now I'm ready to go out' line, but gave up waiting. He probably wasn't that long but it seemed like ages to me. I got dressed properly and waited. He came back. We hugged and he led me to the door. We hugged again and kissed and I left.
Trip back home to get changed then straight back out. Just as I was leaving the phone went. It was Daddy so I told him I'd see him very shortly. Ben and Daddy were very somber when I arrived. They'd started without me, but that was ok. Wouldn't take me that long to catch up.
Can't really remember much of the night. But I know I sent a text message to Mart:
cos ur filthy, oo an i'm gorgeous. and you can open me up like christmas anytime! hope ur ok baby. love you x
T-minus Twelve
The taxi arrives. It was only 10 minutes late! So much for ordering in good time, I think to myself. Still I get into town and now it's just a case of waiting. Daddy and Ben aren't there yet, probably still doing the rounds, and I'm sure that Mart is not long off arriving. I get to the bar and order my drink.
While I'm waiting a friend of Jeffs comes round. We let on to each other, do the 'hello's' and kisses. I ask him how he is. He leans against the bar, puts one hand on his forehead, and stated 'I'm fucking wankered!' with exasperation. I start to laugh and tell him that that's how I intend to be by the end of the night. He reminds me of someone I had (or did he have me?) at McDonalds the other week. The height was right, the face looked right. The only other distinguishing feature would be his cock, and I wasn't about to ask him to show me that just yet!
So I'm stood at the bar. Just waiting. Unusual for me as I hate propping up bars with a passion. I always have. Apart from stopping other people from ordering drinks it usually means you have your back to the rest of the joint so unless you have eyes in your arse (been told I've got teeth in mine, but that is another story) you can't sken any potential totty! Suddenly I'm grabbed at the waist and squeezed. I jump around and end up gazing into Mart's beaming face. He'd already told me that he'd sunk a bottle of vodka with Kath that day. He wasn't pissed, just very happy! I was so pleased to see him. We embraced and kissed and then he came forward to order a drink. We chatted for a while at the bar and Jeff's friend milled past a few times. He caught Mart's eye at one point. 'Mmm, I know!' I said.
Then a table became vacant so I suggested that we sit down. We did, and spent a few moments looking at each other, looking away, giggling, then looking back at each other. Our conversation was as flirty as ever.
'You know something,' I began, 'I love being with you because you always make me feel better.'
'Ooo', he cooed raising one eyebrow. 'I know!' he oozed with satisfaction.
No one knew quite how this evening was going to pan out, least of all me! My intention was to enjoy myself, get pretty wasted, then sleep with maybe some sex along the way. We continued chatting, flirting and the innuendo. Then Mart decided that he wanted to be closer to the music so we went to the dance area and stood at a table.
We were minding our own business, flirting a little with each other, when we both spotted this lad. Hideous white shirt (I can't describe the pattern) and a black jacket that couldn't make up it's mind whether it was on or off. He started making 'goo goo' eyes at us. Mart and I looked at each other. 'Oh my god!' I mouthed to Mart. Mart quickly, and obviously, turned to face me to get him out of his line of sight. The look on Mart's face said one thing, 'wierdo'. He was probably quite a nice lad, just on another planet at that moment in time.
In between parts of our conversation I was still watching him. Not with any intent, I just wanted to see what was going to happen with that jacket. It was all off, all on, one arm in. At one point I thought he was going to throw it on the floor and jump on it to beat it into submission. Now that would have been so funny. I went to the loo to 'drop a little something' and when I came back I asked Mart if he wanted to do likewise. He did.
A few more moments past and then Mart sent me to the bar to get us both drinks. I had to slide between two people at the bar to get served. Hands were placed on my hips from behind, then they slid round to my side along with their owner. It was the 'jacket lad'. I tried to ignore him, but it wasn't working. I put my order in for Mart and myself.
'What you want?' jacket lad mumbled. I hate that. I couldn't hear him partly because of the music and his mumbling.
'Sorry love, what you say? I can't hear you'
He tried again. This time pulling my head down to his level. I was praying that he wasn't going to shout in my ear. Perfect excuse for me to thump him! This time I understood.
'You're alright, mate,' I began, 'my friend has just bought me one.
'No, I wanna get you a drink. What you want?'
My drinks arrive. I pick them up, turn to face him square on, crouch a little and whisper to him. 'Look, you're alright but my mate has just bought me a drink.' I give him a little peck on the cheek, 'You enjoy yourself tonight.' And then I walk back to Mart to tell him what's just happened.
Mart's laughing at me. One of the last times we did this he ended up with a drag queen and I got chatted up by this cute butch lesbian. This time I just get a wierdo. Are things improving? Silly thing is that he was rather sweet, but it was the hideous shirt that sealed his fate.
I was just about to send a text message to Daddy to find out where he was when, lo and behold, him and Ben arrive. They come over and I kiss and hug the pair of them. I can relax now. Everyone is here. I say to Mart that I'm going to enjoy tonight. He raises his eyebrows in the way that only he can.
The pills and the alcohol kick in and everything is feeling great. My jacket comes off and I tie it round my waist. Ben makes some comment about me needing to eat. I get closer to him. 'I'll eat later,' Then with a wink and a squeeze of his crotch, 'if you'll feed me that is!' and I wipe my tongue across my top lip. It was too early to be thinking about home time but I was making sure I'd got some bases covered, if you understand.
All in all it was a good night. Spent most of the time in Hollywood flirting with Ben and Jeff's friend. I ended up rubbing his crotch at one point, but he said not to bother as there wasn't much there. Didn't think at the time that that may be a hint to rub some more. Never mind, another time. Mart was exceptionally flirty. At one point I lent backwards over the arm of a chair to talk to him, he was sat on the arm of an adjacent chair and leant over and snogged me fully. Nearly broke my back, but I'm used to that with him!
We moved over to the Union and left him dancing in Hollywood. Of course I told him where we were going. Ben rushed over, Daddy was waiting by the door and I went to let Mart know what was going on. As I exited Hollywood Daddy was in the middle of the road talking to two lads. I overheard him say that he was waiting for his daughter 'and here she is now!' I dashed over and he put his arm round me and kissed me on the top of my head.
'So this is your daughter?' said one of the lads.
'Yep, this is my lovely daughter, and my Grandaughter is in there.' Daddy replied pointing at Hollywood.
'And you're his daughter?' he asked me, confusion plainly across his face.
'Yep.' I said.
'So what's your name?' he enquired
I told him. Confusion got the better of him, but it was funny.
'Nah man!' he started, 'my head's completely fucked!'
I started to giggle.
'So are you pair gay, then?' Daddy asked.
Both of them looked at each other, both unsure of what to say. 'No, we're straight.' the mouthpiece answered.
'But you've both been with each other.' I commented, the look on the quiet one's face told me all I needed to know.
We shook hands (how very straight!) and wished each other a good night and Daddy and I went over to the Union to find Ben.
We ended the night in the Union after we'd all arrived there. Jeff was gonna have his hands full. His new boy decided to 'double-drop' his pills and it was the first time he'd ever taken them. Oops! Daddy went home with Ben and I went home with Mart. We seemed to have to wait ages for a taxi, and it was bitterly cold.
Back at Marts we listened to some music and I could see Mart slowly drifting off. We got into bed and I cuddled him. There wasn't going to be any sex that night and maybe that was a good idea.
While I'm waiting a friend of Jeffs comes round. We let on to each other, do the 'hello's' and kisses. I ask him how he is. He leans against the bar, puts one hand on his forehead, and stated 'I'm fucking wankered!' with exasperation. I start to laugh and tell him that that's how I intend to be by the end of the night. He reminds me of someone I had (or did he have me?) at McDonalds the other week. The height was right, the face looked right. The only other distinguishing feature would be his cock, and I wasn't about to ask him to show me that just yet!
So I'm stood at the bar. Just waiting. Unusual for me as I hate propping up bars with a passion. I always have. Apart from stopping other people from ordering drinks it usually means you have your back to the rest of the joint so unless you have eyes in your arse (been told I've got teeth in mine, but that is another story) you can't sken any potential totty! Suddenly I'm grabbed at the waist and squeezed. I jump around and end up gazing into Mart's beaming face. He'd already told me that he'd sunk a bottle of vodka with Kath that day. He wasn't pissed, just very happy! I was so pleased to see him. We embraced and kissed and then he came forward to order a drink. We chatted for a while at the bar and Jeff's friend milled past a few times. He caught Mart's eye at one point. 'Mmm, I know!' I said.
Then a table became vacant so I suggested that we sit down. We did, and spent a few moments looking at each other, looking away, giggling, then looking back at each other. Our conversation was as flirty as ever.
'You know something,' I began, 'I love being with you because you always make me feel better.'
'Ooo', he cooed raising one eyebrow. 'I know!' he oozed with satisfaction.
No one knew quite how this evening was going to pan out, least of all me! My intention was to enjoy myself, get pretty wasted, then sleep with maybe some sex along the way. We continued chatting, flirting and the innuendo. Then Mart decided that he wanted to be closer to the music so we went to the dance area and stood at a table.
We were minding our own business, flirting a little with each other, when we both spotted this lad. Hideous white shirt (I can't describe the pattern) and a black jacket that couldn't make up it's mind whether it was on or off. He started making 'goo goo' eyes at us. Mart and I looked at each other. 'Oh my god!' I mouthed to Mart. Mart quickly, and obviously, turned to face me to get him out of his line of sight. The look on Mart's face said one thing, 'wierdo'. He was probably quite a nice lad, just on another planet at that moment in time.
In between parts of our conversation I was still watching him. Not with any intent, I just wanted to see what was going to happen with that jacket. It was all off, all on, one arm in. At one point I thought he was going to throw it on the floor and jump on it to beat it into submission. Now that would have been so funny. I went to the loo to 'drop a little something' and when I came back I asked Mart if he wanted to do likewise. He did.
A few more moments past and then Mart sent me to the bar to get us both drinks. I had to slide between two people at the bar to get served. Hands were placed on my hips from behind, then they slid round to my side along with their owner. It was the 'jacket lad'. I tried to ignore him, but it wasn't working. I put my order in for Mart and myself.
'What you want?' jacket lad mumbled. I hate that. I couldn't hear him partly because of the music and his mumbling.
'Sorry love, what you say? I can't hear you'
He tried again. This time pulling my head down to his level. I was praying that he wasn't going to shout in my ear. Perfect excuse for me to thump him! This time I understood.
'You're alright, mate,' I began, 'my friend has just bought me one.
'No, I wanna get you a drink. What you want?'
My drinks arrive. I pick them up, turn to face him square on, crouch a little and whisper to him. 'Look, you're alright but my mate has just bought me a drink.' I give him a little peck on the cheek, 'You enjoy yourself tonight.' And then I walk back to Mart to tell him what's just happened.
Mart's laughing at me. One of the last times we did this he ended up with a drag queen and I got chatted up by this cute butch lesbian. This time I just get a wierdo. Are things improving? Silly thing is that he was rather sweet, but it was the hideous shirt that sealed his fate.
I was just about to send a text message to Daddy to find out where he was when, lo and behold, him and Ben arrive. They come over and I kiss and hug the pair of them. I can relax now. Everyone is here. I say to Mart that I'm going to enjoy tonight. He raises his eyebrows in the way that only he can.
The pills and the alcohol kick in and everything is feeling great. My jacket comes off and I tie it round my waist. Ben makes some comment about me needing to eat. I get closer to him. 'I'll eat later,' Then with a wink and a squeeze of his crotch, 'if you'll feed me that is!' and I wipe my tongue across my top lip. It was too early to be thinking about home time but I was making sure I'd got some bases covered, if you understand.
All in all it was a good night. Spent most of the time in Hollywood flirting with Ben and Jeff's friend. I ended up rubbing his crotch at one point, but he said not to bother as there wasn't much there. Didn't think at the time that that may be a hint to rub some more. Never mind, another time. Mart was exceptionally flirty. At one point I lent backwards over the arm of a chair to talk to him, he was sat on the arm of an adjacent chair and leant over and snogged me fully. Nearly broke my back, but I'm used to that with him!
We moved over to the Union and left him dancing in Hollywood. Of course I told him where we were going. Ben rushed over, Daddy was waiting by the door and I went to let Mart know what was going on. As I exited Hollywood Daddy was in the middle of the road talking to two lads. I overheard him say that he was waiting for his daughter 'and here she is now!' I dashed over and he put his arm round me and kissed me on the top of my head.
'So this is your daughter?' said one of the lads.
'Yep, this is my lovely daughter, and my Grandaughter is in there.' Daddy replied pointing at Hollywood.
'And you're his daughter?' he asked me, confusion plainly across his face.
'Yep.' I said.
'So what's your name?' he enquired
I told him. Confusion got the better of him, but it was funny.
'Nah man!' he started, 'my head's completely fucked!'
I started to giggle.
'So are you pair gay, then?' Daddy asked.
Both of them looked at each other, both unsure of what to say. 'No, we're straight.' the mouthpiece answered.
'But you've both been with each other.' I commented, the look on the quiet one's face told me all I needed to know.
We shook hands (how very straight!) and wished each other a good night and Daddy and I went over to the Union to find Ben.
We ended the night in the Union after we'd all arrived there. Jeff was gonna have his hands full. His new boy decided to 'double-drop' his pills and it was the first time he'd ever taken them. Oops! Daddy went home with Ben and I went home with Mart. We seemed to have to wait ages for a taxi, and it was bitterly cold.
Back at Marts we listened to some music and I could see Mart slowly drifting off. We got into bed and I cuddled him. There wasn't going to be any sex that night and maybe that was a good idea.
Countdown To D-Day
Friday morning. When I wake up my clock radio says 9.10am. I'm late! I was supposed to be in the office at 8am to do an install and to be the other side of Manchester by 10.30 for a product presentation. Shit! The install was an update, fortunately not critical, but one that can only be done when one of our systems is completely down. That would have to wait until later in the day. My priority was getting to the product presentation and meeting someone from work there. I'd agreed on the Wednesday that I'd be going as I was 'fit for work'. Ok, the sick note had run out.
What was I doing in bed? I was still clothed! I didn't remember going to bed but knew I had to move fast. Quickly getting dressed, threw a cup of coffee down my throat. I felt rough, again. Down stairs I saw my phone. There was a message that I'd been writing: 'Just looked at myself. God what a mess. What am I doing?' I wasn't sure whether I'd sent it. Couldn't even remember writing it. A vague recollection of me lying back last night with my hands over my face crying. But that's all I can remember.
Shit! In my rush to get out of the office yesterday I'd forgotten to pick up the details of where I was going from off the printer. I knew the building I was going to, just hoped that someone there knew where I was supposed to be in that building! I've been to things like this before where you turn up and the people on reception look at you as if you're speaking Japanese. Best was when I bombed it all the way up the motorway to a presentation on Chorley and was about to vent huge amounts of bile at a poor receptionist for being very clueless, until she pointed out that the date on my piece of paper was next week. Oops!
I dashed out to get the bus into town. My phone, on discreete, vibrated in my bag to let me know that a message had been delivered. I'd sent that message to Micheal! Then it started ringing, well, a constant vibrate. I couldn't face answering it. Another message delivered. I still didn't fancy taking my phone out of my bag. Last night's antics had only stalled a worsening of the way that I felt the previous afternoon. I was praying for the day to hurry up and finish so I could meet with Mart later. I knew I'd be ok once I'd got him with me. Another message arrives.
Off one bus. Quick dash across town to get another bus. Fortunately didn't have to wait long. It was 9.50am. I was surprised that I was going to be early! Sat on the bus I plucked up courage to look at my phone. Just hoped it didn't go off in my hand. It always shows messages before call numbers. Delivery report for the message to Micheal. Message from Pete to check I was ok. Message from Micheal: 'I can't help you if you won't talk to me...'. Then the missed phone calls: Pete, then Micheal. I decided to reply to Micheal. Basically, 'couldn't talk at the moment, work thing. Feeling crap. Looks like the bender has started.' some comment about him not being here, ending with 'but life goes on. Maybe.'
I got to my destination. I wasn't the first arrival and had chance to talk to some other people that I know that were there. We swapped insults about the company presenting. We both have a good relationship with the rep but sometimes have problems with the way the company does business. The presentation got started and I turned my phone off.
The morning presentation was good, but I didn't need the sales pitch and to know how the company 'knew it was the best in the market place!' We wouldn't be doing business with them otherwise. Learning about the direction of the company for the next year was useful. Sounds like we'll still be with them next year, unless they change their corporate minds!
Lunch time came, a buffet lunch. Nothing inspiring but at least a free feed. After eating I stepped outside for a smoke. Turned my phone on and waiting. Delivery report received. No message followed. I wrote a message 'Got 25 mins for lunch. At a product presentation. Having trouble focusing. Call me if ya want...'. Sent. Delivery report. I wait. I go for a wander around the grounds. It's bitter, I'm already cold inside, not wanting to be there. I wait some more. Another cigarette. Already worked out that I'm smoking far too much at the moment. Realise that when half way through a cigarette I take a drag and am disgusted by the taste, but still don't feel like putting it out. Fuck It! I say to myself and go back inside. I got 10 minutes before the presentations start again. I'm in the loo, just putting myself away after peeing when my phone goes off.
I move to somewhere I can talk. Strangely the only place is to be stood outside the gents! I can have a phone conversation outside a toilet but never inside one. Think that stems from my younger days when a toilet was a place for 'business' and not to hold conversations. He started in a caring but lecturing tone. Looking back he probably had my best interests at heart. My end of the conversation was bitty, my tone snappy. I told him I was out with Pete and he seemed thankful that I wasn't out on my own. He questioned whether my lack of focus was due to what I'd consumed last night and gathered that I wasn't just on alcohol. I agreed that it was probably a factor but not the entire story. I'm sure it was pretty clear from my tone that I was unhappy. I think he was concerned, but I'm not convinced of it. He says he understands what I'm going through but I'm not seeing or hearing anything that backs that up. At the moment I'm only trusting the things I see. He advises me to make sure I eat before I go out, drink some orange and some vitamins - to try and stem some of the damage I've already caused. I thank him for the advice and say that I'm gonna have to get back. He promises to ring me about 7pm. We end the call and I turn my phone off. I'm not sure if I feel better for speaking to him or worse. Just numb, that's the best way to describe it.
The afternoon session is more interesting. Practical demo of the systems on offer. Hearing about software is ok. Seeing it in action is better. Being allowed to play with it is even better. Sadly, only got to see it in action. Nice management system. Gonna cost a lot but I'm interested! I couldn't wait for it to be over, though. I knew it was a dash back to work and I felt so tired. But I had to do this install before weekend.
At work I went straight to the server room. Fortunately no one was using the system I was about to cripple! I shut it off, ran the install, set the configuration, started it back up again. Now the test. Everything came back online and was working normally. Whole downtime less than 20 minutes. Home time! And if it breaks after I've gone, TOUGH SHIT!
I spent some time catching up on my diary whilst at the same time trying to figure out what I'm wearing tonight. Really, I didn't have a clue! Knew I needed to have a bath, wash my hair, shave (both ends) and douche (well, you never know what might happen later). Thinking about later made me feel better. I was gonna get wankered and have a real good time, and Mart was gonna be there to share it with me.
The worst part about going out for me is always deciding what to wear. I've made some bad decisions in my time, and worn things that really don't do me justice. Then other times I can look and feel so hot. Tonight I was going to need to feel good even if I didn't look that good. So, it was blue sleeveless top (the one for Mart and boyf's ill-fated engagement party), jeans, and I was going to wear my Rockports but my ankle decided that they wouldn't be a good idea. Ok then, black trainers it is. I wasn't going to take a jacket. After all, I'm getting a taxi there and a taxi home.
Don't ask me why but I put on Mart's CD - the Madonna one. I douche. Then while waiting for all the air/water to come out I shave my face. I begin to wonder whether Kyle knows that Mart and I have had sex to a CD that he put together for Mart and start giggling to myself. The phone goes. it's Mart. We arrange to meet at 8.30. I don't tell him what I've been listening to and wondering. I go back to the bathroom with the phone and decide to order a taxi. Get it in early and it might just turn up on time. I run the bath, get in and start doing what I need to do.
The phone goes while I'm in. Thank god I wasn't shaving at the time it have a very loud abrupt ring and always makes me jump. It was Daddy. He's with Ben (ah, my sexy Ben!) and they're wondering whether I'm out tonight. I tell him I am, that I was originally out on the Saturday but changed plan and that I'll be out meeting Mart at 8.30. Excellent! Having Ben and Daddy there will make me happy. I shave and then wash my hair. Just about to get out of the bath when the phone goes again. I'm thinking it's Micheal. No, it's some automated thing so I hang up. Been getting a lot of those lately.
I dry off and proceed to get ready. Shite! I've got 50 minutes to get ready. Clothes get thrown on. I decide to root out a jacket to put on. It's gonna be a cold night. My nice white one. Lenses in and do my hair. It's a bit spiky and scrunchy, quite different for me. I look at myself, yeah, I'll do.
Food! Yes, must eat. Macaroni cheese, bread, multi-vitamins, orange juice. I'm in the middle of eating when the phone goes. It's 7.35, it's Micheal. He'd gone for a lie down, woke up and realised that it was past the time he should have been ringing me. I excused myself for trying to eat and talk to him. He laughed and realised that it would be better if he gave me some time to eat and rang me back. I finished eating and he rang shortly after. Told him the plans and how I was just waiting on the taxi. My tone was pretty disinterested. Yeah, it was nice to hear him, but I wanted him to be here and to share this night with me. He offered to ring Daddy for me and get him to come home with me so I wasn't alone over night. I told him that it wasn't being on my own that bothered me, it was feeling as if I was on my own that did. He went silent for a moment. We picked up the conversation again and he said he'd ring me in the morning. Then we decided that as I didn't know what state I was going to end up in that it might be better to leave it until slightly later. We settled on midday. He hoped I enjoyed myself and we ended the call. I stood by the window waiting for the taxi to come.
What was I doing in bed? I was still clothed! I didn't remember going to bed but knew I had to move fast. Quickly getting dressed, threw a cup of coffee down my throat. I felt rough, again. Down stairs I saw my phone. There was a message that I'd been writing: 'Just looked at myself. God what a mess. What am I doing?' I wasn't sure whether I'd sent it. Couldn't even remember writing it. A vague recollection of me lying back last night with my hands over my face crying. But that's all I can remember.
Shit! In my rush to get out of the office yesterday I'd forgotten to pick up the details of where I was going from off the printer. I knew the building I was going to, just hoped that someone there knew where I was supposed to be in that building! I've been to things like this before where you turn up and the people on reception look at you as if you're speaking Japanese. Best was when I bombed it all the way up the motorway to a presentation on Chorley and was about to vent huge amounts of bile at a poor receptionist for being very clueless, until she pointed out that the date on my piece of paper was next week. Oops!
I dashed out to get the bus into town. My phone, on discreete, vibrated in my bag to let me know that a message had been delivered. I'd sent that message to Micheal! Then it started ringing, well, a constant vibrate. I couldn't face answering it. Another message delivered. I still didn't fancy taking my phone out of my bag. Last night's antics had only stalled a worsening of the way that I felt the previous afternoon. I was praying for the day to hurry up and finish so I could meet with Mart later. I knew I'd be ok once I'd got him with me. Another message arrives.
Off one bus. Quick dash across town to get another bus. Fortunately didn't have to wait long. It was 9.50am. I was surprised that I was going to be early! Sat on the bus I plucked up courage to look at my phone. Just hoped it didn't go off in my hand. It always shows messages before call numbers. Delivery report for the message to Micheal. Message from Pete to check I was ok. Message from Micheal: 'I can't help you if you won't talk to me...'. Then the missed phone calls: Pete, then Micheal. I decided to reply to Micheal. Basically, 'couldn't talk at the moment, work thing. Feeling crap. Looks like the bender has started.' some comment about him not being here, ending with 'but life goes on. Maybe.'
I got to my destination. I wasn't the first arrival and had chance to talk to some other people that I know that were there. We swapped insults about the company presenting. We both have a good relationship with the rep but sometimes have problems with the way the company does business. The presentation got started and I turned my phone off.
The morning presentation was good, but I didn't need the sales pitch and to know how the company 'knew it was the best in the market place!' We wouldn't be doing business with them otherwise. Learning about the direction of the company for the next year was useful. Sounds like we'll still be with them next year, unless they change their corporate minds!
Lunch time came, a buffet lunch. Nothing inspiring but at least a free feed. After eating I stepped outside for a smoke. Turned my phone on and waiting. Delivery report received. No message followed. I wrote a message 'Got 25 mins for lunch. At a product presentation. Having trouble focusing. Call me if ya want...'. Sent. Delivery report. I wait. I go for a wander around the grounds. It's bitter, I'm already cold inside, not wanting to be there. I wait some more. Another cigarette. Already worked out that I'm smoking far too much at the moment. Realise that when half way through a cigarette I take a drag and am disgusted by the taste, but still don't feel like putting it out. Fuck It! I say to myself and go back inside. I got 10 minutes before the presentations start again. I'm in the loo, just putting myself away after peeing when my phone goes off.
I move to somewhere I can talk. Strangely the only place is to be stood outside the gents! I can have a phone conversation outside a toilet but never inside one. Think that stems from my younger days when a toilet was a place for 'business' and not to hold conversations. He started in a caring but lecturing tone. Looking back he probably had my best interests at heart. My end of the conversation was bitty, my tone snappy. I told him I was out with Pete and he seemed thankful that I wasn't out on my own. He questioned whether my lack of focus was due to what I'd consumed last night and gathered that I wasn't just on alcohol. I agreed that it was probably a factor but not the entire story. I'm sure it was pretty clear from my tone that I was unhappy. I think he was concerned, but I'm not convinced of it. He says he understands what I'm going through but I'm not seeing or hearing anything that backs that up. At the moment I'm only trusting the things I see. He advises me to make sure I eat before I go out, drink some orange and some vitamins - to try and stem some of the damage I've already caused. I thank him for the advice and say that I'm gonna have to get back. He promises to ring me about 7pm. We end the call and I turn my phone off. I'm not sure if I feel better for speaking to him or worse. Just numb, that's the best way to describe it.
The afternoon session is more interesting. Practical demo of the systems on offer. Hearing about software is ok. Seeing it in action is better. Being allowed to play with it is even better. Sadly, only got to see it in action. Nice management system. Gonna cost a lot but I'm interested! I couldn't wait for it to be over, though. I knew it was a dash back to work and I felt so tired. But I had to do this install before weekend.
At work I went straight to the server room. Fortunately no one was using the system I was about to cripple! I shut it off, ran the install, set the configuration, started it back up again. Now the test. Everything came back online and was working normally. Whole downtime less than 20 minutes. Home time! And if it breaks after I've gone, TOUGH SHIT!
I spent some time catching up on my diary whilst at the same time trying to figure out what I'm wearing tonight. Really, I didn't have a clue! Knew I needed to have a bath, wash my hair, shave (both ends) and douche (well, you never know what might happen later). Thinking about later made me feel better. I was gonna get wankered and have a real good time, and Mart was gonna be there to share it with me.
The worst part about going out for me is always deciding what to wear. I've made some bad decisions in my time, and worn things that really don't do me justice. Then other times I can look and feel so hot. Tonight I was going to need to feel good even if I didn't look that good. So, it was blue sleeveless top (the one for Mart and boyf's ill-fated engagement party), jeans, and I was going to wear my Rockports but my ankle decided that they wouldn't be a good idea. Ok then, black trainers it is. I wasn't going to take a jacket. After all, I'm getting a taxi there and a taxi home.
Don't ask me why but I put on Mart's CD - the Madonna one. I douche. Then while waiting for all the air/water to come out I shave my face. I begin to wonder whether Kyle knows that Mart and I have had sex to a CD that he put together for Mart and start giggling to myself. The phone goes. it's Mart. We arrange to meet at 8.30. I don't tell him what I've been listening to and wondering. I go back to the bathroom with the phone and decide to order a taxi. Get it in early and it might just turn up on time. I run the bath, get in and start doing what I need to do.
The phone goes while I'm in. Thank god I wasn't shaving at the time it have a very loud abrupt ring and always makes me jump. It was Daddy. He's with Ben (ah, my sexy Ben!) and they're wondering whether I'm out tonight. I tell him I am, that I was originally out on the Saturday but changed plan and that I'll be out meeting Mart at 8.30. Excellent! Having Ben and Daddy there will make me happy. I shave and then wash my hair. Just about to get out of the bath when the phone goes again. I'm thinking it's Micheal. No, it's some automated thing so I hang up. Been getting a lot of those lately.
I dry off and proceed to get ready. Shite! I've got 50 minutes to get ready. Clothes get thrown on. I decide to root out a jacket to put on. It's gonna be a cold night. My nice white one. Lenses in and do my hair. It's a bit spiky and scrunchy, quite different for me. I look at myself, yeah, I'll do.
Food! Yes, must eat. Macaroni cheese, bread, multi-vitamins, orange juice. I'm in the middle of eating when the phone goes. It's 7.35, it's Micheal. He'd gone for a lie down, woke up and realised that it was past the time he should have been ringing me. I excused myself for trying to eat and talk to him. He laughed and realised that it would be better if he gave me some time to eat and rang me back. I finished eating and he rang shortly after. Told him the plans and how I was just waiting on the taxi. My tone was pretty disinterested. Yeah, it was nice to hear him, but I wanted him to be here and to share this night with me. He offered to ring Daddy for me and get him to come home with me so I wasn't alone over night. I told him that it wasn't being on my own that bothered me, it was feeling as if I was on my own that did. He went silent for a moment. We picked up the conversation again and he said he'd ring me in the morning. Then we decided that as I didn't know what state I was going to end up in that it might be better to leave it until slightly later. We settled on midday. He hoped I enjoyed myself and we ended the call. I stood by the window waiting for the taxi to come.
Friday, November 26, 2004
Black Thursday
If you didn't know better at times you could swear that Mart and I are biologically related. Physically we're very different but there are some traits that are more than just spookily common to us both. Neither of us are morning people. Stress us in the morning and it is the equivalent of dressing in a zebra suit and dancing in front of our noses.
The alarm on Marts phone went off at 7am. He kinda half fell, half flew across the room to turn it off. As he looked back with a very bleary face he kinda double-took as he saw me in the bed. I can't really describe his expression other than 'it's morning'. He stood there momentarily. Then suddenly realised that he was naked and I could see his cock nestling in his dark bush. Quickly he scrabbled on the floor for his shorts and put them on. He opened the bedroom door and fell into the bathroom.
With the bedroom door open I could hear Kath milling around. She's normally a little more with it in the mornings than the rest of us. I sat up in bed and Mart came back in, started to root out clothes to wear that day and then started dressing. Just then Kath knocked on the bedroom door and asked us whether we wanted a brew. We both kinda grunted to the affirmative and were left in peace. We spoke very little to each other. There was silence, but it wasn't an awkward silence. Mart went back to the bathroom to wash and I took the opportunity to get out of bed, get dressed and start putting my stuff back in my bag. I'd just finished dressing and was sat on the bed putting my trainers on when Kath came back in. She handed me the cup and placed Mart's down for when he returned. She knew what happened last night, it was obvious that she knew!
Mart returned from the bathroom and sat down on the bed and proceeded to drink. Still we said very little to each other. May seem strange to other people but we know that neither of us need to talk to each other to know that we're ok. I got back on the floor to scrabble around packing my bits away. I finished and sat back on the bed. I handed Mart a cigarette which he gladly took and we lit up. Kath came back in.
It was probably about 7.20am now. Mart had to leave for work in 10 minutes. Kath and I were headed in the same direction, town. So she suggested that we get the bus together. I wasn't very conversational and knew I wouldn't be chatting to her, but it was still a travelling companion. I agreed to go with her. She was starting at 8am and I knew I could get into the office at that time. I'd be at work super-early. Yay me! Kath said she'd be leaving in a few minutes so I went to put my coat and cap on. Mart was all set for leaving shortly as well but slightly after us. I went over to him and we hugged and kissed. We both said that we'd enjoyed last night, we both meant it. I told him to have a good day and that I'd see him outside in a few minutes and left with Kath.
As we got outside a bus pulled up, so I never got chance to see Mart outside. The bus was packed but Kath was able to find two seats near the back. I found myself looking at a group of lads, scally labourer types. Yum, I thought. They all looked worse from the night before. Two of them kept nodding off then waking up. One of them was wearing the dusty builder-boots and flourescent tunics that I like. I think I gave a wry smile to myself thinking unthinkable thoughts. I turned to see whether Kath was looking at me, but she had her head buried in a newspaper. According to Mart, later on she had said that she couldn't work out whether my expression was of the cat who got the cream or just stunned. Mart told her I was stunned (not far from the truth, I suppose) even though I did get the cream in a manner of speaking.
About 7.45 we got off the bus. We had to walk across town for us both to get to work. Kath was all set to choose a route that would have meant us pushing through hoards of people. I showed her a backstreet route that was, thankfully, quiet. I really didn't fancy having to battle against other people. It was a grey day and every one we had seen had looked as though they wished they were elsewhere. I wished I was back in bed.
Our paths parted and we gave each other a farewell peck on the cheek and wished each other to have a good day. I was dying to get into the office. I hadn't washed before leaving as I knew I could do that at work. It would be quiet and I wouldn't be disturbed. I arrived at work and it was like a ghost town. I don't like being there when it's that quiet. Always seems un-natural to me. Got to the office and took my coat off and then hived off to the loo to sort myself out. Oh, it felt so good to clean up. I felt almost human by the time I'd finished, and I was back in the office bang on 8am.
My plan for the day was to spend a short amount of time in the office, a few hours at the most and then work from home for the rest of the day. Plus I was supposed to be meeting Pete at some point in the morning to give him some money for some pills for weekend. However, it all fucked up as Pete couldn't come into town to meet me until the afternoon when I'd be at home. Bollocks! So we arranged that I'd make a special trip back to meet him at 5.30.
The drugs were for the weekend. Saturday is the anniversary of my diagnosis. I'd been referring to it as 'd-day' and telling everyone that my intention was to get 'blitzed'. I know, I'm still here a year on. So much has happened and I've learned so much. Some people might even think I'm crazy for remembering the date. But it's the kind of thing I do. I don't want to get upset and I don't even know how I'm going to feel but I know it's something I have to think about. I haven't re-read my diary entry for that day, yet. I'll do that some time after it's all over.
Originally I was intending to go out on the Saturday but Mart couldn't get the time off so he suggested we do Friday instead. It sounded good to me. Plus, if I got as wasted as I wanted to it meant I'd spend most of Saturday in bed. Most likely sleeping it all off.
I did what I had to do and went home mid-morning. My plan of action for the afternoon, however, didn't go to plan. I became pre-occupied over something. I thought about the text message conversation I'd had with Ben earlier in the week:
Me: Hi babe, I'm going out this Saturday. I'd love you pair to be there.
Ben: Dunno yet. Skint! Xmas and all that. I'll let you know.
Me: Ok. If you can come out I'd really appreciate it, kinda important to me.
Ben: Why? What's wrong sweetheart?
Me: Well you remember I told you I got the flu? Saturday is its first birthday.
Ben: How gay is that! A party. Its slow at work call me...
It made me smile. Then I thought about what Mart said about us celebrating it. Can't remember his exact words but Mart always knows the right things to say at the right time. I suppose that's why I told Ben it was a birthday party. The idea was to be happy. I know I was unhappy that Micheal wouldn't be there. That and a few other things started churning in my brain and my mood got lower and lower. Don't think it helped that I sent Micheal a text message: 'Babe, getting worried 'cos I haven't heard from you today. It's grey and cold out here. Miss you.' Then I waited hours for a delivery report, and his reply informed me that it was raining where he was. He'd missed my point from our conversation a few days ago. 'Grey': I'm feeling down and upset, 'cold out here': isolated, un-loved and lonely.
By the time I got back into town to meet Pete I know I was a bit of a wreck. It wasn't helped by the fact that I'd wanted to meet Pete on his own and when I turned up there was someone with him. To top that I couldn't get to the bottom of exactly what Pete had been on that day. It sure wasn't just alcohol. I sat with them and chatted for a bit. The lad who was with Pete was kinda alright, actually. If I'd been more of myself I'd probably have flirted with him. Fairly well-built scally (kept playing with his crotch through his trackies). Straight, allegedly, 'but I sucked him off in the bogs this afternoon.' Pete told me later. Because of my frame of mind I'm sure I wasn't very plesant to be around. I felt myself spitting out words rather than speaking normally. I probably wasn't as bad as I think, but it's not nice to think of yourself in that way.
We finished our drinks and made our exit. I fancied somewhere a bit quieter as I wanted to talk to Pete anyway. Seems strange wanting to talk to Pete after some of the things we've been through, but he's probably the one person in my life that knows the most about me. I know my brain is warped (at the best of times) but there's a trust there, however slight. I told Pete that I thought the guy was horny. Pete told me what he'd done with him earlier and that 'he wasn't really that much to write home about.' I reminded Pete that it was a bit strange me saying things like that considering my willy wasn't working properly. He looked at me. 'That's alright, I can still fuck your arse!' I glared back at him. Maybe the comment was uncalled for, maybe he was just joking. Somehow I didn't see the humour in it.
We found somewhere, got a drink and sat down. My spirits were low. Very low. Conversation was difficult. All Pete wanted to do was talk at me and I needed him to listen to me. There were things I needed help or a soundingboard with. I ended up getting very frustrated and emotional. Very emotional in fact. At one point I threatened to pour his drink over him and throw him through a window if he didn't shut up and listen. I got myself more and more worked up. Angry at the situation, and angry with everything and everyone around. I reminded Pete about my destructive urges and that it would be possible for me to put him through a window and not be bothered about it.
Eventually I calmed down. I'd blub every so often. I wasn't right and Pete knew it. I was even lower than before. Pete mentioned about me staying out a while with him. I didn't really want to, I wanted to go home, have something to eat and rest up. Tomorrow was a heavy day: an install to do first thing and then a product presentation to attend for the rest of the day. We sat until my mood lifted a little. He offered to come back with me as he didn't think I was safe to be left on my own. I wanted to go home alone.
We had a few more drinks. Then I leant over to Pete and whispered 'I'm thinking of having half of one of these pills, you want the other?' He didn't need to be asked twice. He'd told me they were strong and that they were good. If they were as good as he said they were they would do the job I needed them to. We actually had two halves each that night.
I know that I eventually had a good night. I actually enjoyed being out with Pete and it's been ages since I've been able to turn around and mean that. It was nice. We chatted, you could say we flirted a little and for a moment I felt normal. I can't tell you everything that happened as parts of it are just too blurry. Must have had a good time.
Towards the end of the night the horniness of the pills kicked in and I considered Pete's offer of sex. I knew it was a bad idea and would cause more complications that it was worth but it was still an offer. I mean, I felt a mess and am pretty sure I looked a state. I wasn't gonna cop with anyone else that night. It got to 1.30am and I finally decided that it was time for me to leave. I told Pete I had to go and he kissed and hugged me. I was kinda surprised when he told me to be careful going home. Said he was going to stay out a bit longer. It probably was a good idea, to be honest.
I got a taxi home. Took my coat and shoes off, turned the TV on and lay on the couch. And that's all I can remember until morning.
The alarm on Marts phone went off at 7am. He kinda half fell, half flew across the room to turn it off. As he looked back with a very bleary face he kinda double-took as he saw me in the bed. I can't really describe his expression other than 'it's morning'. He stood there momentarily. Then suddenly realised that he was naked and I could see his cock nestling in his dark bush. Quickly he scrabbled on the floor for his shorts and put them on. He opened the bedroom door and fell into the bathroom.
With the bedroom door open I could hear Kath milling around. She's normally a little more with it in the mornings than the rest of us. I sat up in bed and Mart came back in, started to root out clothes to wear that day and then started dressing. Just then Kath knocked on the bedroom door and asked us whether we wanted a brew. We both kinda grunted to the affirmative and were left in peace. We spoke very little to each other. There was silence, but it wasn't an awkward silence. Mart went back to the bathroom to wash and I took the opportunity to get out of bed, get dressed and start putting my stuff back in my bag. I'd just finished dressing and was sat on the bed putting my trainers on when Kath came back in. She handed me the cup and placed Mart's down for when he returned. She knew what happened last night, it was obvious that she knew!
Mart returned from the bathroom and sat down on the bed and proceeded to drink. Still we said very little to each other. May seem strange to other people but we know that neither of us need to talk to each other to know that we're ok. I got back on the floor to scrabble around packing my bits away. I finished and sat back on the bed. I handed Mart a cigarette which he gladly took and we lit up. Kath came back in.
It was probably about 7.20am now. Mart had to leave for work in 10 minutes. Kath and I were headed in the same direction, town. So she suggested that we get the bus together. I wasn't very conversational and knew I wouldn't be chatting to her, but it was still a travelling companion. I agreed to go with her. She was starting at 8am and I knew I could get into the office at that time. I'd be at work super-early. Yay me! Kath said she'd be leaving in a few minutes so I went to put my coat and cap on. Mart was all set for leaving shortly as well but slightly after us. I went over to him and we hugged and kissed. We both said that we'd enjoyed last night, we both meant it. I told him to have a good day and that I'd see him outside in a few minutes and left with Kath.
As we got outside a bus pulled up, so I never got chance to see Mart outside. The bus was packed but Kath was able to find two seats near the back. I found myself looking at a group of lads, scally labourer types. Yum, I thought. They all looked worse from the night before. Two of them kept nodding off then waking up. One of them was wearing the dusty builder-boots and flourescent tunics that I like. I think I gave a wry smile to myself thinking unthinkable thoughts. I turned to see whether Kath was looking at me, but she had her head buried in a newspaper. According to Mart, later on she had said that she couldn't work out whether my expression was of the cat who got the cream or just stunned. Mart told her I was stunned (not far from the truth, I suppose) even though I did get the cream in a manner of speaking.
About 7.45 we got off the bus. We had to walk across town for us both to get to work. Kath was all set to choose a route that would have meant us pushing through hoards of people. I showed her a backstreet route that was, thankfully, quiet. I really didn't fancy having to battle against other people. It was a grey day and every one we had seen had looked as though they wished they were elsewhere. I wished I was back in bed.
Our paths parted and we gave each other a farewell peck on the cheek and wished each other to have a good day. I was dying to get into the office. I hadn't washed before leaving as I knew I could do that at work. It would be quiet and I wouldn't be disturbed. I arrived at work and it was like a ghost town. I don't like being there when it's that quiet. Always seems un-natural to me. Got to the office and took my coat off and then hived off to the loo to sort myself out. Oh, it felt so good to clean up. I felt almost human by the time I'd finished, and I was back in the office bang on 8am.
My plan for the day was to spend a short amount of time in the office, a few hours at the most and then work from home for the rest of the day. Plus I was supposed to be meeting Pete at some point in the morning to give him some money for some pills for weekend. However, it all fucked up as Pete couldn't come into town to meet me until the afternoon when I'd be at home. Bollocks! So we arranged that I'd make a special trip back to meet him at 5.30.
The drugs were for the weekend. Saturday is the anniversary of my diagnosis. I'd been referring to it as 'd-day' and telling everyone that my intention was to get 'blitzed'. I know, I'm still here a year on. So much has happened and I've learned so much. Some people might even think I'm crazy for remembering the date. But it's the kind of thing I do. I don't want to get upset and I don't even know how I'm going to feel but I know it's something I have to think about. I haven't re-read my diary entry for that day, yet. I'll do that some time after it's all over.
Originally I was intending to go out on the Saturday but Mart couldn't get the time off so he suggested we do Friday instead. It sounded good to me. Plus, if I got as wasted as I wanted to it meant I'd spend most of Saturday in bed. Most likely sleeping it all off.
I did what I had to do and went home mid-morning. My plan of action for the afternoon, however, didn't go to plan. I became pre-occupied over something. I thought about the text message conversation I'd had with Ben earlier in the week:
Me: Hi babe, I'm going out this Saturday. I'd love you pair to be there.
Ben: Dunno yet. Skint! Xmas and all that. I'll let you know.
Me: Ok. If you can come out I'd really appreciate it, kinda important to me.
Ben: Why? What's wrong sweetheart?
Me: Well you remember I told you I got the flu? Saturday is its first birthday.
Ben: How gay is that! A party. Its slow at work call me...
It made me smile. Then I thought about what Mart said about us celebrating it. Can't remember his exact words but Mart always knows the right things to say at the right time. I suppose that's why I told Ben it was a birthday party. The idea was to be happy. I know I was unhappy that Micheal wouldn't be there. That and a few other things started churning in my brain and my mood got lower and lower. Don't think it helped that I sent Micheal a text message: 'Babe, getting worried 'cos I haven't heard from you today. It's grey and cold out here. Miss you.' Then I waited hours for a delivery report, and his reply informed me that it was raining where he was. He'd missed my point from our conversation a few days ago. 'Grey': I'm feeling down and upset, 'cold out here': isolated, un-loved and lonely.
By the time I got back into town to meet Pete I know I was a bit of a wreck. It wasn't helped by the fact that I'd wanted to meet Pete on his own and when I turned up there was someone with him. To top that I couldn't get to the bottom of exactly what Pete had been on that day. It sure wasn't just alcohol. I sat with them and chatted for a bit. The lad who was with Pete was kinda alright, actually. If I'd been more of myself I'd probably have flirted with him. Fairly well-built scally (kept playing with his crotch through his trackies). Straight, allegedly, 'but I sucked him off in the bogs this afternoon.' Pete told me later. Because of my frame of mind I'm sure I wasn't very plesant to be around. I felt myself spitting out words rather than speaking normally. I probably wasn't as bad as I think, but it's not nice to think of yourself in that way.
We finished our drinks and made our exit. I fancied somewhere a bit quieter as I wanted to talk to Pete anyway. Seems strange wanting to talk to Pete after some of the things we've been through, but he's probably the one person in my life that knows the most about me. I know my brain is warped (at the best of times) but there's a trust there, however slight. I told Pete that I thought the guy was horny. Pete told me what he'd done with him earlier and that 'he wasn't really that much to write home about.' I reminded Pete that it was a bit strange me saying things like that considering my willy wasn't working properly. He looked at me. 'That's alright, I can still fuck your arse!' I glared back at him. Maybe the comment was uncalled for, maybe he was just joking. Somehow I didn't see the humour in it.
We found somewhere, got a drink and sat down. My spirits were low. Very low. Conversation was difficult. All Pete wanted to do was talk at me and I needed him to listen to me. There were things I needed help or a soundingboard with. I ended up getting very frustrated and emotional. Very emotional in fact. At one point I threatened to pour his drink over him and throw him through a window if he didn't shut up and listen. I got myself more and more worked up. Angry at the situation, and angry with everything and everyone around. I reminded Pete about my destructive urges and that it would be possible for me to put him through a window and not be bothered about it.
Eventually I calmed down. I'd blub every so often. I wasn't right and Pete knew it. I was even lower than before. Pete mentioned about me staying out a while with him. I didn't really want to, I wanted to go home, have something to eat and rest up. Tomorrow was a heavy day: an install to do first thing and then a product presentation to attend for the rest of the day. We sat until my mood lifted a little. He offered to come back with me as he didn't think I was safe to be left on my own. I wanted to go home alone.
We had a few more drinks. Then I leant over to Pete and whispered 'I'm thinking of having half of one of these pills, you want the other?' He didn't need to be asked twice. He'd told me they were strong and that they were good. If they were as good as he said they were they would do the job I needed them to. We actually had two halves each that night.
I know that I eventually had a good night. I actually enjoyed being out with Pete and it's been ages since I've been able to turn around and mean that. It was nice. We chatted, you could say we flirted a little and for a moment I felt normal. I can't tell you everything that happened as parts of it are just too blurry. Must have had a good time.
Towards the end of the night the horniness of the pills kicked in and I considered Pete's offer of sex. I knew it was a bad idea and would cause more complications that it was worth but it was still an offer. I mean, I felt a mess and am pretty sure I looked a state. I wasn't gonna cop with anyone else that night. It got to 1.30am and I finally decided that it was time for me to leave. I told Pete I had to go and he kissed and hugged me. I was kinda surprised when he told me to be careful going home. Said he was going to stay out a bit longer. It probably was a good idea, to be honest.
I got a taxi home. Took my coat and shoes off, turned the TV on and lay on the couch. And that's all I can remember until morning.
Wednesday
I sort of arranged with Mart to go over to his on Wednesday to lend him the money he asked for. Originally we were to meet in town, have a drink, and then go back to his just to chill out for the evening. However, plans changed at last minute and Mart said to just come straight to the house. He'd been over at Kyle's the previous night and the pair of them finished of his half of the remaining pills from last Friday. Mart said he'd got some weed so his plan was to smoke, listen to music, chat and generally chill.
I got over there about 6.30, bang on time, unusual for me! I'm known for 'being delayed', but I'm not as good at it as Kyle. But that's a story for another time. Mart was already in shorts and t-shirt. His white football shorts - with no underwear. I always think he looks sexy in those, and he knows I think that. He starts recounting the previous night with Kyle and talking about how twatted Kyle got. It was then that I mentioned that I'd brought over my remnants from Friday. A spark flashed in his eyes. Yep, we were going to drop at some point that night.
Kath was with us. Whilst she's not anti-drugs by any stroke of the imagination I think we both felt a bit wierd about doing it in front of her. She went out to make a brew so we took the chance for me to get them out of my bag. I handed one to Mart just as she came back in 'There you go, babe,' I started, 'something to sort your headache out with.' Mart popped it in his mouth. 'It's paracetamol.' he said to Kath, who simply responded 'Yeah, right!' She knew full well what it was. Kath knows about what has happened between us in the past and she probably figured what was likely to happen later that night. But there were no guarantees.
Mart and I have had conversations in the past. We both enjoy talking with each other. When we're stoned we always find we're at the same level and understand each other perfectly. Always have, and I believe always will do. We also have this habit of dropping double entendres into the conversation, sometime intentionally, sometime unintentionally. Parts of our conversation, even in front of Kath, contained lots of double meanings. Call it speaking in code, call it what you like. Sometimes it's just being harmlessly flirty, other times we're doing it for specific reason.
The by-phrase for the whole night was 'and you can take that either way!'. Tonight turned into a night where we were going to be honest with each other. I got the impression, based on reading through one of his comments, that I was going to be the one expected to make the first move. The sex-thing is good between us, very good, but our friendship is more important to both of us. Mart confessed that he didn't fancy me, and that's cool with me. I like him a lot, think of him as my little baby, but I know that I don't fancy him either in a relationship kind of way. In fact, a relationship between us is just plain out of the question. It would just never work and I think it would destroy the strong friendship that we have with each other.
The night drew on. Both of us giving each other 'come on' statements. Both of us having a good giggle. And putting the world to rights in the way we always do. The cd's were changed, frequently. Then Mart got up and said 'I know what I'll put on for you, but you can't look!' I started laughing. At that moment in time I couldn't even focus on the cd player! The cd in question was the Madonna one that was playing the first night we had sex together. Mart got back on the bed. 'And if all else fails, I know they'll be fucking by this one!' he stated. I had to make a response. 'No hon. You've not been failing. Think I'm just being too polite!' I leant over and we kissed. At that point it was clear to both that sex was certainly on the agenda.
We sat in silence for a while. Just listening to the music. Myself, I was remembering the events of the night. It was a difficult silence. Thinking about it now it all seems silly. You know, we've explored each other's naked bodies and more, and yet talking about how we're going to approach this sex-thing was beyond us. Maybe it was the drugs. The awkwardness of the situation was humourous to both of us and we'd just giggle, randomly, for a few seconds and stop, only to do it all again. Mart mentioned about when he played this cd when Pete and I were round. About my expression, and our coded conversations. 'It's like our secret sex cd!' We both exploded into laughter.
When it all became public about what we'd done it wasn't plesant. Mart got punched in the face, think I only just missed a similar fate. We know we don't have to be secretive about it now. It hasn't made it any less exciting, in fact I think it makes it easier. Easier to think about, anyway. I suppose it is a kind of 'fuck-buddy' thing. We both realise that what we have now is special and it works for us. '...and I know I can always get a shag!' he commented. 'That you can, babe.' I replied. I was the first man he had in that bed (not sexually). My line at the time 'well, you did get a man in your bed tonight, love. Ok, so it's your Mother, but hey!' He likes refering to himself from time to time as a 'mother-fucker', and he is a damn good mother-fucker! We both agreed that for someone to keep coming back for more, and for him to keep wanting to do it that there must be something that's working.
'Right. I'm going to the loo, change the cd, turn the light off and get into bed. Then you can pounce on me.' he stated. 'But only if you want to!' he hinted.
'Hmm' I murmured, feigning indifference.
While he was out of the room I stripped down to my shorts and got under the covers. He came back, did what needed to be done and then got into bed. We both wanted this to be like the first time. So we started as we did last time.
Kissing. It all started with kissing, and grinding our crotches into each other and stroking each others bodies. He's hot stuff. We're both lying on our sides getting more and more turned on. We'd already established that we were both horny. Very horny. I slid my hands down to the waist band of his shorts and started to ease them off. He followed suit and slid mine down. They just got pushed to the foot of the bed. The skin-on-skin contact made things even more horny between us and we snogged passionately and the grinding even more intense.
I rolled him more on to his back and kissed down his chest towards his cock. He began to moan. His cock was rock hard. I sucked it into my mouth and he moaned and gasped. His hands on my shoulders. I bobbed up and down on it and he rocked his hips back and forth. Then he started to fuck my face. Not something I let many people do, but I trust Mart. It turned me on knowing that I was doing something with him that I don't do very often with anyone else. I slid back up the bed and we resumed the kissing, heavy petting and the grinding. He started kissing my neck and my shoulders.
Then it was my turn. He rolled me onto my back and slid down the bed. I feel the warth and wetness of his mouth as he swallows me whole. I gasp and moan as he goes down on me. I'm loving this. He finds my balls and starts to fondle them and then a finger finds my arse hole. He knows what I want, but I don't want that just yet. His dry finger has difficulty penetrating me. It was one of those situations where I didn't want fingering, just cock or something else. I understand Ben now when he's like that.
Mart comes back up for air. We kiss again. 'Well that was different!' he announces, 'we didn't do that last time.' I wanted him to eat me out. I can't remember now how we got onto that one, but we change positions so that he's sat up in bed and I position myself so my head is in his crotch and my arse is in his face. He goes to work. Gently, and tenderly at first. I start to wank him gently. Then he picks up pace and is lapping and tonguing me like its the first time he's been fed in weeks. He's licking all over the place, around my arse cheeks and even my balls get a little of the action! I bury my head in his balls and begin to suckle on them. His tongue work is seriously making me moan and I know that I'm transfering the vibrations through his balls. I enjoy sucking balls and sometimes I have to remember not to get too carried away. This was one of those occasions where I could have chewed his balls off. He used his hands to pull my arse cheeks further apart and went in for the kill. His firm, tensed tongue moving in and out of my hole like a mini dick. I could have let him do that all night, and I know he would have done that all night. I wet my finger and go to find his ring. Mart is more active at the moment, says that the idea of someone going in to him doesn't appeal at the moment, but occasionally he does like it. I insert just the tip of my finger into his entrance and begin to gently push and pull and roll it around. He's still merrily chomping at my butt. Then he brings his legs together. I get the message, too much finger work. I resume my ball attack.
It was all getting too much for me. I find out later that that was just 'a stoned arse licking' and that when he's sober and really wants to do it he's even better. Maybe we'll do that one day! At the moment we both feel the need for something to break down the barriers before we get into each other. I turn around so that his cock is rubbing between the cheeks of my arse and begin to kiss him. Our positioning makes thing a little difficult but we manage somehow.
'I have got some, you know!' he says, refering to condoms and lube.
'I know, I'm working up to that'.
I'm ready now, though. He can tell that. I have difficulty getting into the packet to get the condoms out. He takes the packet off me and gets one out and hands it to me.
'Go on, then.' He says.
Confused, I say 'It's going on you, right?'
'Yeah' he says as if I should have known that! It's one of those things. With me being poz I always prefer for the 'fucker' to put his own condom on. It's psychological that they know it's on correctly and is comfortable for them. Nevertheless I place it on his cockhead and roll it down. At the time I was hating the fact that we have to use them, I knew I wanted to feel his warm love goo inside me. Alas, that can never happen. Even though we both know that we can be as open and honest with each other as well like I'll probably never ever tell him that thought.
I smear lube on the rubber, on the outside of my ring and a little in the entrance. I notice he's done a damn good job of opening me up. My lips were nicely relaxed in that nice slightly 'puffy' kinda way. I guided him to my entrance and slowly started to slide him in. I took about half and then paused. The last half seemed really thick as it entered. I moaned with satisfaction when it was all in. He started thrusting. We were bouncing on the bed. I leant forward to kiss him while he was pounding me, but he slipped out. This I know was down to the pill, when I'm horny enough and I'm getting nicely fucked I sometimes really need to do something 'useful' with my mouth. Bit of a problem when there's only two of you!
His thrusting became more emphatic and he was really slamming it into me. My mouth was permanently open, moaning and groaning with pleasure. He started talking 'dirty slut' talk to me. That combined with his ferocious fucking was sending me into overload. I knew that I was unlikely to cum (courtesy of my medication) but all the sensations were there in me. The dirty talk became more bitter and the words were almost being spat out. Then he gave me one final shove. He'd filled the rubber with his juices.
Satisfied, I dismounted. He was spent and sweating. My mouth was dry, my throat was hoarse and I really felt like he'd fucked the stuffing out of me. I tried to talk. It wasn't possible and made us both laugh. A drink of water solved that one.
We lay in bed and I cuddled up behind him. We made small talk for a few minutes. We'd learned a lot from each other tonight, and not just sexually. We slept soundly until his alarm went off at 7am.
I got over there about 6.30, bang on time, unusual for me! I'm known for 'being delayed', but I'm not as good at it as Kyle. But that's a story for another time. Mart was already in shorts and t-shirt. His white football shorts - with no underwear. I always think he looks sexy in those, and he knows I think that. He starts recounting the previous night with Kyle and talking about how twatted Kyle got. It was then that I mentioned that I'd brought over my remnants from Friday. A spark flashed in his eyes. Yep, we were going to drop at some point that night.
Kath was with us. Whilst she's not anti-drugs by any stroke of the imagination I think we both felt a bit wierd about doing it in front of her. She went out to make a brew so we took the chance for me to get them out of my bag. I handed one to Mart just as she came back in 'There you go, babe,' I started, 'something to sort your headache out with.' Mart popped it in his mouth. 'It's paracetamol.' he said to Kath, who simply responded 'Yeah, right!' She knew full well what it was. Kath knows about what has happened between us in the past and she probably figured what was likely to happen later that night. But there were no guarantees.
Mart and I have had conversations in the past. We both enjoy talking with each other. When we're stoned we always find we're at the same level and understand each other perfectly. Always have, and I believe always will do. We also have this habit of dropping double entendres into the conversation, sometime intentionally, sometime unintentionally. Parts of our conversation, even in front of Kath, contained lots of double meanings. Call it speaking in code, call it what you like. Sometimes it's just being harmlessly flirty, other times we're doing it for specific reason.
The by-phrase for the whole night was 'and you can take that either way!'. Tonight turned into a night where we were going to be honest with each other. I got the impression, based on reading through one of his comments, that I was going to be the one expected to make the first move. The sex-thing is good between us, very good, but our friendship is more important to both of us. Mart confessed that he didn't fancy me, and that's cool with me. I like him a lot, think of him as my little baby, but I know that I don't fancy him either in a relationship kind of way. In fact, a relationship between us is just plain out of the question. It would just never work and I think it would destroy the strong friendship that we have with each other.
The night drew on. Both of us giving each other 'come on' statements. Both of us having a good giggle. And putting the world to rights in the way we always do. The cd's were changed, frequently. Then Mart got up and said 'I know what I'll put on for you, but you can't look!' I started laughing. At that moment in time I couldn't even focus on the cd player! The cd in question was the Madonna one that was playing the first night we had sex together. Mart got back on the bed. 'And if all else fails, I know they'll be fucking by this one!' he stated. I had to make a response. 'No hon. You've not been failing. Think I'm just being too polite!' I leant over and we kissed. At that point it was clear to both that sex was certainly on the agenda.
We sat in silence for a while. Just listening to the music. Myself, I was remembering the events of the night. It was a difficult silence. Thinking about it now it all seems silly. You know, we've explored each other's naked bodies and more, and yet talking about how we're going to approach this sex-thing was beyond us. Maybe it was the drugs. The awkwardness of the situation was humourous to both of us and we'd just giggle, randomly, for a few seconds and stop, only to do it all again. Mart mentioned about when he played this cd when Pete and I were round. About my expression, and our coded conversations. 'It's like our secret sex cd!' We both exploded into laughter.
When it all became public about what we'd done it wasn't plesant. Mart got punched in the face, think I only just missed a similar fate. We know we don't have to be secretive about it now. It hasn't made it any less exciting, in fact I think it makes it easier. Easier to think about, anyway. I suppose it is a kind of 'fuck-buddy' thing. We both realise that what we have now is special and it works for us. '...and I know I can always get a shag!' he commented. 'That you can, babe.' I replied. I was the first man he had in that bed (not sexually). My line at the time 'well, you did get a man in your bed tonight, love. Ok, so it's your Mother, but hey!' He likes refering to himself from time to time as a 'mother-fucker', and he is a damn good mother-fucker! We both agreed that for someone to keep coming back for more, and for him to keep wanting to do it that there must be something that's working.
'Right. I'm going to the loo, change the cd, turn the light off and get into bed. Then you can pounce on me.' he stated. 'But only if you want to!' he hinted.
'Hmm' I murmured, feigning indifference.
While he was out of the room I stripped down to my shorts and got under the covers. He came back, did what needed to be done and then got into bed. We both wanted this to be like the first time. So we started as we did last time.
Kissing. It all started with kissing, and grinding our crotches into each other and stroking each others bodies. He's hot stuff. We're both lying on our sides getting more and more turned on. We'd already established that we were both horny. Very horny. I slid my hands down to the waist band of his shorts and started to ease them off. He followed suit and slid mine down. They just got pushed to the foot of the bed. The skin-on-skin contact made things even more horny between us and we snogged passionately and the grinding even more intense.
I rolled him more on to his back and kissed down his chest towards his cock. He began to moan. His cock was rock hard. I sucked it into my mouth and he moaned and gasped. His hands on my shoulders. I bobbed up and down on it and he rocked his hips back and forth. Then he started to fuck my face. Not something I let many people do, but I trust Mart. It turned me on knowing that I was doing something with him that I don't do very often with anyone else. I slid back up the bed and we resumed the kissing, heavy petting and the grinding. He started kissing my neck and my shoulders.
Then it was my turn. He rolled me onto my back and slid down the bed. I feel the warth and wetness of his mouth as he swallows me whole. I gasp and moan as he goes down on me. I'm loving this. He finds my balls and starts to fondle them and then a finger finds my arse hole. He knows what I want, but I don't want that just yet. His dry finger has difficulty penetrating me. It was one of those situations where I didn't want fingering, just cock or something else. I understand Ben now when he's like that.
Mart comes back up for air. We kiss again. 'Well that was different!' he announces, 'we didn't do that last time.' I wanted him to eat me out. I can't remember now how we got onto that one, but we change positions so that he's sat up in bed and I position myself so my head is in his crotch and my arse is in his face. He goes to work. Gently, and tenderly at first. I start to wank him gently. Then he picks up pace and is lapping and tonguing me like its the first time he's been fed in weeks. He's licking all over the place, around my arse cheeks and even my balls get a little of the action! I bury my head in his balls and begin to suckle on them. His tongue work is seriously making me moan and I know that I'm transfering the vibrations through his balls. I enjoy sucking balls and sometimes I have to remember not to get too carried away. This was one of those occasions where I could have chewed his balls off. He used his hands to pull my arse cheeks further apart and went in for the kill. His firm, tensed tongue moving in and out of my hole like a mini dick. I could have let him do that all night, and I know he would have done that all night. I wet my finger and go to find his ring. Mart is more active at the moment, says that the idea of someone going in to him doesn't appeal at the moment, but occasionally he does like it. I insert just the tip of my finger into his entrance and begin to gently push and pull and roll it around. He's still merrily chomping at my butt. Then he brings his legs together. I get the message, too much finger work. I resume my ball attack.
It was all getting too much for me. I find out later that that was just 'a stoned arse licking' and that when he's sober and really wants to do it he's even better. Maybe we'll do that one day! At the moment we both feel the need for something to break down the barriers before we get into each other. I turn around so that his cock is rubbing between the cheeks of my arse and begin to kiss him. Our positioning makes thing a little difficult but we manage somehow.
'I have got some, you know!' he says, refering to condoms and lube.
'I know, I'm working up to that'.
I'm ready now, though. He can tell that. I have difficulty getting into the packet to get the condoms out. He takes the packet off me and gets one out and hands it to me.
'Go on, then.' He says.
Confused, I say 'It's going on you, right?'
'Yeah' he says as if I should have known that! It's one of those things. With me being poz I always prefer for the 'fucker' to put his own condom on. It's psychological that they know it's on correctly and is comfortable for them. Nevertheless I place it on his cockhead and roll it down. At the time I was hating the fact that we have to use them, I knew I wanted to feel his warm love goo inside me. Alas, that can never happen. Even though we both know that we can be as open and honest with each other as well like I'll probably never ever tell him that thought.
I smear lube on the rubber, on the outside of my ring and a little in the entrance. I notice he's done a damn good job of opening me up. My lips were nicely relaxed in that nice slightly 'puffy' kinda way. I guided him to my entrance and slowly started to slide him in. I took about half and then paused. The last half seemed really thick as it entered. I moaned with satisfaction when it was all in. He started thrusting. We were bouncing on the bed. I leant forward to kiss him while he was pounding me, but he slipped out. This I know was down to the pill, when I'm horny enough and I'm getting nicely fucked I sometimes really need to do something 'useful' with my mouth. Bit of a problem when there's only two of you!
His thrusting became more emphatic and he was really slamming it into me. My mouth was permanently open, moaning and groaning with pleasure. He started talking 'dirty slut' talk to me. That combined with his ferocious fucking was sending me into overload. I knew that I was unlikely to cum (courtesy of my medication) but all the sensations were there in me. The dirty talk became more bitter and the words were almost being spat out. Then he gave me one final shove. He'd filled the rubber with his juices.
Satisfied, I dismounted. He was spent and sweating. My mouth was dry, my throat was hoarse and I really felt like he'd fucked the stuffing out of me. I tried to talk. It wasn't possible and made us both laugh. A drink of water solved that one.
We lay in bed and I cuddled up behind him. We made small talk for a few minutes. We'd learned a lot from each other tonight, and not just sexually. We slept soundly until his alarm went off at 7am.
Thursday, November 25, 2004
Safe On The Roads
I've been driving for a few years now. I consider it a life skill. It's something you can do even if you don't have a car of your own (hireing, borrowing... etc). It cost me a fortune at the time but I don't regret a single penny.
I came across links to an Online Mock Theory Test today. As it's been a while since I even looked at a copy of The Highway Code I thought I'd give it a go.
Basically, the theory test is 35 multiple choice questions and you have 35 minutes to get at least 30 correct. It's a straight pass or fail, you get 30 or better and you're passed.
I believe there's also a Hazard Perception test online somewhere but I've not tried that one.
Pleased to say that I passed. I got 30 out of 35 (worse than my real theory test where I got 34). The online system allows you to review all your answers when you reach the end. Silly thing is that on all but one of the wrongly answered questions I'd changed my mind and made a right answer a wrong one.
I'm sticking with 'virtual driving' for the time being. Probably safer for everyone! My tablets state that they do affect driving response times and advise that I shouldn't drive if I don't feel safe to.
I came across links to an Online Mock Theory Test today. As it's been a while since I even looked at a copy of The Highway Code I thought I'd give it a go.
Basically, the theory test is 35 multiple choice questions and you have 35 minutes to get at least 30 correct. It's a straight pass or fail, you get 30 or better and you're passed.
I believe there's also a Hazard Perception test online somewhere but I've not tried that one.
Pleased to say that I passed. I got 30 out of 35 (worse than my real theory test where I got 34). The online system allows you to review all your answers when you reach the end. Silly thing is that on all but one of the wrongly answered questions I'd changed my mind and made a right answer a wrong one.
I'm sticking with 'virtual driving' for the time being. Probably safer for everyone! My tablets state that they do affect driving response times and advise that I shouldn't drive if I don't feel safe to.
Tuesday, November 23, 2004
And Here's One I Made Earlier
Yes, more anal clap-trap coming up. Only this time it has a purpose. Yes today, I'm going to show you how to make something. Something practical that can be made with items lying around the house (now I know I need help!) Keep with me on this one, you will like it. I promise!
In Anal? Me? Oh, Shove It Up Yer Arse! I mentioned that I'd been thinking about a fix for the 'Chocolate Sauce' issue. Well here it is:
Now you may well be thinking: Eh? But that's ok. The picture's crap and you'll probably find you're emulating your parents when you used to bring home models from nursery. Am I right in thinking that it's the bottle-like think in the middle that is causing confusion? You see that is an integral part of the kit! It is a bottle! What's more, it's a water bottle!! So here is my design for a home-made douche. I'm aware you can buy them but as anyone who does D-I-Y will tell you there's some satisfaction in doing it yourself, aside from the fact that this cost, well, virtually nowt!
Components
You will need:-
A length of hose
I've got garden hose here, but clear hose of about that diameter might be better. (Come on, this was knocked together from thought to product in 20 minutes!)
A small funnel
Metal ones are available but I think you might find that clearish plastic is better.
Half a ball-point pen casing
Make sure it's the 'pointy' end that you write with, you'll want it to be smooth (trust me!) and unbroken. Ignore the white stuff on the picture that is...
Masking tape
soap or liquid detergent, and
a hot water source (kettle or hot running water).
50cl water bottle (those with a squirty top are ideal)
Putting It Together
In Use
You might want to repeat this. I wouldn't do it more than twice and it is important to not do it too often as you are getting rid of not just the crap (sorry!) in there but also some of the good stuff that protects you (call it casualties of war!). Also, wait a few hours if you're doing all this to be clean for sex, you need to let the whole system 'repair' itself and build up the 'good bacteria' that protect you. The 50cl bottle is about 1/2 litre. This is a good amount. It's not recommended to put more than a litre inside you or you run the risk of flushing everything back into your body - not a wise idea.
It's messy. It's fun. It works. And it feels damn good!
In Anal? Me? Oh, Shove It Up Yer Arse! I mentioned that I'd been thinking about a fix for the 'Chocolate Sauce' issue. Well here it is:
Now you may well be thinking: Eh? But that's ok. The picture's crap and you'll probably find you're emulating your parents when you used to bring home models from nursery. Am I right in thinking that it's the bottle-like think in the middle that is causing confusion? You see that is an integral part of the kit! It is a bottle! What's more, it's a water bottle!! So here is my design for a home-made douche. I'm aware you can buy them but as anyone who does D-I-Y will tell you there's some satisfaction in doing it yourself, aside from the fact that this cost, well, virtually nowt!
Components
You will need:-
A length of hose
I've got garden hose here, but clear hose of about that diameter might be better. (Come on, this was knocked together from thought to product in 20 minutes!)
A small funnel
Metal ones are available but I think you might find that clearish plastic is better.
Half a ball-point pen casing
Make sure it's the 'pointy' end that you write with, you'll want it to be smooth (trust me!) and unbroken. Ignore the white stuff on the picture that is...
Masking tape
soap or liquid detergent, and
a hot water source (kettle or hot running water).
50cl water bottle (those with a squirty top are ideal)
Putting It Together
- Wrap layers of the masking tape around the non-pointy end of the pen casing. The amount of tape depends on the inner diameter of the hose. You want it so that the pen case with packing wont quite fit in.
- Use your hot water source to soften and expand one end of the hose.
- Use a little soap or smear a small amount of liquid detergent over the masking tape.
- Insert the masking tape end of the pen case into the expanded end of the hose. If it's too slack, take a layer or two of tape off and put some more on. If it's tight then it's good. You'll want a good seal between the two when the hose cools.
- Now heat the other end of the hose with your hot water source. You'll need to get quite a bit of it soft and pliable (I know, not something most gay men are used to...)
- Smear soap/liquid detergent into the inside of the hose and over the small end of the funnel.
- Offer the end of the funnel to the hose and screw them together. The soap acts as a lubricant and should make things easier. Keep screwing it in until you can't get any more funnel into the hose.
- Allow the contraption to cool
In Use
- Fill the water bottle halfup with hot water and half with cold. Before you put the top on the bottle test the water, it should be 'pleasantly warm'. WARNING: Remember this water is going inside you. If it is too hot you will scald your insides. If it is too cold you will shock your system.
- You will want to remove your clothes and your best location for this is the bathroom (or where your toilet is)
- Use water-based lube and put a little on your ring and inside you, and also some on the end of the pointy pen-end
- Get yourself comfortable and insert pointy end up your arse. Do this s-l-o-w-l-y. It's narrower and pointy-er than a cock so is likely to cause unpleasant damage if you jab it in. How you arrange the hose is your choice but I find it easier to bring the rest of the contraption (or concraption) up backwards.
- Clench onto the inserted pointy end (you'll need both hands in a moment, get the picture?)
- Hold the funnel end (at the hose is likely safer) with one hand and get your water bottle with the other
- Slowly pour water in to the funnel. (don't try and add it all at once, and you may want to put the bottle down but keep it to hand)
- You should still be standing.
- If the water doesn't go down try lifting the funnel end slightly higher - the greater the height difference between nozzle and funner the better 'squirt' you'll get. If the water level still doesn't move ease the nozzle out a little - your insides may be blocking the flow of water.
- Keep adding water until your bottle is empty. Try and get as much water as possible inside you. You'll know when it's in there. You'll probably hear 'glugging' and may feel a warm 'filling' sensation. Above all, relax. This won't hurt! Try stroking your stomach lightly in an anti-clockwise direction.
- When you've got as much water in as you can sit on the loo keeping everything in place. You'll want to sit down gently!
- Carefully remove the nozzle - remember there will still be water in the hose and without the weight of water from inside you to keep it in the hose it will squirt over you.
- It's tempting now to relax and push it all out of you. RESIST. You want to keep that warm water in for as long as possible. Try and relax everything apart from your ring. Stroke your stomach a few times again (again, anti-clockwise). If you have to you probably can walk though I wouldn't advise trying stairs!
- Your body will tell you that it needs to empty. Don't listen to it just yet. Hold out for a little longer.
- When your body tells you that it really does have to empty, allow it BUT DON'T PUSH. Let gravity and your body do the work. You might like the sensation, don't be worried about this
- Listen to your body. It may take a couple of attempts for it to empty itself. You may feel empty, but it knows the reality. Stay there for as long as it needs (and as long as you feel comfortable).
- Now, relax, mop up, and flush the loo - for fucks sake don't look at the water unless that kind of thing really turns you on.
You might want to repeat this. I wouldn't do it more than twice and it is important to not do it too often as you are getting rid of not just the crap (sorry!) in there but also some of the good stuff that protects you (call it casualties of war!). Also, wait a few hours if you're doing all this to be clean for sex, you need to let the whole system 'repair' itself and build up the 'good bacteria' that protect you. The 50cl bottle is about 1/2 litre. This is a good amount. It's not recommended to put more than a litre inside you or you run the risk of flushing everything back into your body - not a wise idea.
It's messy. It's fun. It works. And it feels damn good!
Enjoy The Silence
All I ever wanted
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Enjoy The Silence [Violator : Depeche Mode]
All I ever needed
Is here in my arms
Words are very unnecessary
They can only do harm
Enjoy The Silence [Violator : Depeche Mode]
Chicken Soup Overdose - Bad For Your Health
Micheal came over last night. Got to admit that I spent the day fretting about it. What was he going to say? What was I going to say? Was I going to end up laying into him (verbally)? Was I going to tell him to just fuck off? Was he going to tell me it was over? Spent most of the day mulling all of those and more over in my head. Eventually, the 'chicken soup' started swimming around in my mind.
The 'chicken soup' reference is from my college days. We used to have a drinks machine that did coffee, tea, chocolate, orange, a selection of soups (and something that they said smelt like paint stripper). It didn't matter which button you pressed, whatever you asked for was chicken soup. You might ask for orange, it may have looked like orange, but you could guarantee it would taste like chicken soup. So chicken soup has become the term I use to refer to what comes out when a reasonable thought gets processed and processed and processed. It winds up as chicken soup.
In some ways I'm quite proud of the fact that I was able to fit my new hard drive and not damage my computer. What's more it works. OK, so I dislodged the sound card putting it all back together and got confused by the 'PCI interrupts' warning when I booted back up, but anyone could have done that! Open it up, push the card down. Sorted!
He sent me a text to let me know what train he was catching. I looked up it's arrival in Manchester, and then followed the progress of the train, to see how late it would be using Network Rail's 'Live Departure Boards' site. Small things and small minds, maybe, but I thought it was great. He sent me a message saying the train was just outside the station, not to come out and meet him half way (he was walking down) as there was no point in us both getting cold. I text back: 'ok. but just wanted to do something to stop me pacing the floor. and the exercise would do me good'. But then I thought more, and thought, fuck it, I am going to meet him half way.
We meet at a crossing. It's not that cold but I have a scarf half covering my face. I'd spotted him walking up and was sure it was him. As he got to the crossing it was confirmed. He apparently wasn't sure whether it was me or not, he didn't think it was. I kept looking over the crossing at him. I wasn't sure whether he'd recognised me. After all, I was wearing dark colours and a coat I knew he'd not seen before. Just before the lights changed so he could cross I pulled the scarf down so my face was completely visible. He had recognised me. He said later it was something about my eyes. We walked back making chit-chat.
Back in the house we stripped off our outdoor clothes. I went to put the kettle on - my 'instruction' was to have coffee ready when he arrived. Went back into the living room. 'Come here', he said, 'have a cuddle.' We embraced. 'But no kissy-kissy'. (I'll explain about that later.) He kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him back on the cheek and held him tighter. I'd needed that. I didn't want to let go.
'Love, you've lost weight.' He said with concern, 'why?'
'I've been tearing my hair out, and worried sick.' I could feel myself starting to flare. I stood back and noticed my arms swinging violently. I stopped myself. I went into finish the coffee's. 'Oh, love!' I heard him say as I went into the kitchen his voice with more concern. He sat down and I brought the coffees in.
We started talking. More general chit-chat at first. Probably about an hour of it. It felt like an eternity had passed since we'd last done that. Then he remembered something and went over to his bag. Because he was concerned about me throwing up the other night with these tablets he said he'd bring some that tablets that he doesn't need anymore that are to prevent that. I went straight to the side-effects. Guess what? Another tablet that will affect me sexually. Joy!!
So then we got on to my tablets.
'What they given you?' He asked.
I told him the name.
'Never hear of them. What are they?'
'It's an SSRI. Same family as Prozac. Apparently they're not as bad, but if you read...' I said. He'd started reading the leaflet.
He thought hard about the SSRI bit, and then the penny dropped. The leaflet mentions other drug classes and I could see him thinking 'what the fuck?' as he was reading. The more he read the more concerned he appeared to get. I think he started to understand my flair up on Sunday and that it genuinely wasn't all me, but a lot to do with the Citalopram and my body getting used to it. There were occasional A-ha's, mm', right's and other murmurs that kinda indicated comprehension. He turned back to the front of the leaflet and started reading the 'Do not take this medication if you can answer yes to any of the following questions' section. He read the first question which was about contemplating suicide.
'I know'. I said. His expression was, like, is it wise for this kid to be on these?
'You told the doctor?'
I nodded slowly and deliberately. My expression I'm sure matched his.
His eyes rolled to the ceiling and back.
We then spent 5 minutes trying to fold the info leaflet back so it would fit in the box. He nearly got it. I got him to hand it to me and showed him.
'Isn't it a great sense of achievement when you can fold it so that it goes in the box and you can get the tablets in as well!' I chuckled.
He laughed. A cross between laughing at me, at himself, at us and at 'the sadistic twat that they pay to fold them like this!'
'So why you like this? What's brought all this on?' He started to go on thinking it was centred around my status.
I interrupted him. 'I'm pretty sure it's nothing to do with my status. Well, not all of it.' I didn't tell him that I'd read my early diary entries yesterday or the day before.
'I think I know some of it, based on what I've seen.' He said, noticing some writing on the living room wall. I'd previously explained that to him from one time Pete sent me over the edge.
We got talking about my relationship with Pete, the reasons why we broke up. How Pete was convinced it was 'just a phase I was going through' and how we'd be back together. And how Pete held me responsible for his depression. Micheal observed that if Pete couldn't see what was in front of him then his depression was his own fault. I had to agree. We spoke about the shit with boyf and Mart and how I was happy that things were finally getting back to normal with Mart.
As we were talking Mart sent me a text message asking could he lend a tenner for Friday. 'Sure babe', I began to text back, 'When do you want it? The money, that is!' I got an equally flirty message back also wishing me good luck with Micheal. I giggled as I put my phone down. 'Text-flirting with Mart. Things are back to normal!' I said happily. Micheal smiled. He knows how important Mart is to me.
We spoke about work and how things had been getting out of hand at work. How priorities had changed which meant that some projects had been put on hold. That those projects now had to come back on stream with more new projects popping up quicker than you can say 'jack-rabbit'. Too much work and no where near enough time to do it!
Then I got onto the situation between me and him. I spoke openly and freely as I knew there was no point in hiding anything from him. He had to know how I was feeling and I had to try and make him understand. I hope he already realises that a lot of my character at the moment is being distorted by the depression and that somethings are going to get worse, much worse, before they get better.
'It's been three weeks since I last saw you. And I've missed you so much. Do you know, it's been five, no six weeks since we last had sex!' I said.
He looked puzzled. 'It's not been six weeks since your birthday?'
'I mean, since you last fucked me.'
'Ah. Sex! You mean the full-bang!' he mused.
'Yeah. But it's not just about the sex.'
He'd gathered that I was confused about the relationship we had. I went on to talk about how I was when I first met him. He was surprised that I was able to give him the month. I said March, he thought April, actually May! That at the time going into a relationship was the last thing on my mind. When I met him I did think he was a lovely guy, someone I would like to get to know, very attractive, a great catch for somebody. But not for me. That wasn't what I wanted. He pulled me back on this: 'but what's changed now?' Curiosity was across his face. I explained that as I'd got to know him over Mardi Gras I'd fallen for him. Hook, line, sinker, the whole fucking battleship! Enlightenment dawned. It was the morning after the fracas with Chrissy that reality hit me and I realised that this was the man I wanted. Without realising I had fallen in love.
And then there is this whole syphilis thing. To be clear about this, it's been confirmed that LittleOne (previously known as Twat, but I've mellowed) has had this in his system for over a year and knew nothing about it. There's also been Chlamydia and Scabies. We've all had the latter two. Micheal is still awaiting results on the first. I haven't been tested yet as I needed to talk this through with Micheal first.
Before I got too far into this Micheal stopped me. 'The reasons we've not seen each other so much are money, health and time.' Admittedly, we've both been skint. I mean really skint. That's affected us both. And looking back now I know that he's been as upset and annoyed at not being able to see me as I have. The health thing because he has been worried about LittleOne. Being honest and fair I've also been worried about him. And time, well LittleOne is having the daily doses of penicillin for the syphilis and has not been reacting well to it, but is getting better. He's got eleven more treatments.
Micheal's completely off sex at the moment, both in his head and his crotch. Seeing what they're pumping into LittleOne's buttocks, the way they're doing it, and how he's reacting, has put him right off. I know it's something he'll snap out of. I mean, come on, this is the guy who once said to a doctor 'if that stuff makes that [his dick] not work, either change it for something else or shoot me now!' I know he meant it.
I said that being so far away with all that going on I'd felt completely left out of it. Left outside, alone and in the cold. He pondered this and I could see that he agreed and sympathised with my point of view. I'd done the chlamydia and the scabies all by myself. They'd gone through it together. There was no one there apart from me to deal with it. Micheal mentioned that LittleOne had no one he could turn to, something I already knew, and asked me if I knew what that was like. He understood that I felt that way at the moment, but for me it wasn't the case. 'At the moment I'm picking him up,' (he gestured picking a rabbit up by its ears) 'and making sure he's alright. And it's what I'll do with you if you have to go through this.' I interjected that I knew this but I thought he'd dropped me. I put my hand out and he grabbed it and squeezed. I could feel tears welling in my eyes but I didn't actually cry. 'I need to understand,' he began, 'and you need to understand as well.'
At that moment I felt very small. Stupid even. I told him that I knew everything he'd told me was right and that I already knew it. But that my mind was just distorting everything. But I knew two things. And knew them for sure. That I loved him, dearly, and plain just can't do without him. And that he does love me, even though he doesn't really subscribe to this thing called 'love'. Either way, I'm still in his heart and he's gonna stand by me.
We spent the rest of the evening with him lying between my legs with my arms around him watching films: The Core, and Blade II. He slept in his underwear and he noticed my puzzled expression when I saw this. He'd been told that syphilis is highly contagious and certainly it is on the rise in Manchester. Got to admit that I don't know enough about that one. 'Roll over, and I'll give you a cuddle.' he whispered. I did. He put his arms round me and held me tight. I gripped his hand. I didn't want to let go. 'If you start itching don't you blame me!' He giggled. 'If I start itching, I start itching. I don't care. You're here with me now, and that's all that matters to me at the moment.' And I kissed the back of his hand. We laid like that for a while. Then he had to reclaim his hand. I was gripping it that tightly I was giving him pins and needles! Still behind me he started stroking my shoulder, my neck, the side of my head, my spine. And then small butterfly kisses. The touch and the kiss let me know that I was safely there in the places that matter, the places that count.
I slept the best nights sleep I've had in weeks. Actually slept right through from 1am to 7.30am (barring a few moments when his phone went off at 5.30. he's gonna kill one of his mates). I remembered a salutation he said to me after he'd given me a drink at his home once: Never above you. Never below you. Always by your side. The sentiment was as real and honest then as it would be now.
The 'chicken soup' reference is from my college days. We used to have a drinks machine that did coffee, tea, chocolate, orange, a selection of soups (and something that they said smelt like paint stripper). It didn't matter which button you pressed, whatever you asked for was chicken soup. You might ask for orange, it may have looked like orange, but you could guarantee it would taste like chicken soup. So chicken soup has become the term I use to refer to what comes out when a reasonable thought gets processed and processed and processed. It winds up as chicken soup.
In some ways I'm quite proud of the fact that I was able to fit my new hard drive and not damage my computer. What's more it works. OK, so I dislodged the sound card putting it all back together and got confused by the 'PCI interrupts' warning when I booted back up, but anyone could have done that! Open it up, push the card down. Sorted!
He sent me a text to let me know what train he was catching. I looked up it's arrival in Manchester, and then followed the progress of the train, to see how late it would be using Network Rail's 'Live Departure Boards' site. Small things and small minds, maybe, but I thought it was great. He sent me a message saying the train was just outside the station, not to come out and meet him half way (he was walking down) as there was no point in us both getting cold. I text back: 'ok. but just wanted to do something to stop me pacing the floor. and the exercise would do me good'. But then I thought more, and thought, fuck it, I am going to meet him half way.
We meet at a crossing. It's not that cold but I have a scarf half covering my face. I'd spotted him walking up and was sure it was him. As he got to the crossing it was confirmed. He apparently wasn't sure whether it was me or not, he didn't think it was. I kept looking over the crossing at him. I wasn't sure whether he'd recognised me. After all, I was wearing dark colours and a coat I knew he'd not seen before. Just before the lights changed so he could cross I pulled the scarf down so my face was completely visible. He had recognised me. He said later it was something about my eyes. We walked back making chit-chat.
Back in the house we stripped off our outdoor clothes. I went to put the kettle on - my 'instruction' was to have coffee ready when he arrived. Went back into the living room. 'Come here', he said, 'have a cuddle.' We embraced. 'But no kissy-kissy'. (I'll explain about that later.) He kissed me on the cheek and I kissed him back on the cheek and held him tighter. I'd needed that. I didn't want to let go.
'Love, you've lost weight.' He said with concern, 'why?'
'I've been tearing my hair out, and worried sick.' I could feel myself starting to flare. I stood back and noticed my arms swinging violently. I stopped myself. I went into finish the coffee's. 'Oh, love!' I heard him say as I went into the kitchen his voice with more concern. He sat down and I brought the coffees in.
We started talking. More general chit-chat at first. Probably about an hour of it. It felt like an eternity had passed since we'd last done that. Then he remembered something and went over to his bag. Because he was concerned about me throwing up the other night with these tablets he said he'd bring some that tablets that he doesn't need anymore that are to prevent that. I went straight to the side-effects. Guess what? Another tablet that will affect me sexually. Joy!!
So then we got on to my tablets.
'What they given you?' He asked.
I told him the name.
'Never hear of them. What are they?'
'It's an SSRI. Same family as Prozac. Apparently they're not as bad, but if you read...' I said. He'd started reading the leaflet.
He thought hard about the SSRI bit, and then the penny dropped. The leaflet mentions other drug classes and I could see him thinking 'what the fuck?' as he was reading. The more he read the more concerned he appeared to get. I think he started to understand my flair up on Sunday and that it genuinely wasn't all me, but a lot to do with the Citalopram and my body getting used to it. There were occasional A-ha's, mm', right's and other murmurs that kinda indicated comprehension. He turned back to the front of the leaflet and started reading the 'Do not take this medication if you can answer yes to any of the following questions' section. He read the first question which was about contemplating suicide.
'I know'. I said. His expression was, like, is it wise for this kid to be on these?
'You told the doctor?'
I nodded slowly and deliberately. My expression I'm sure matched his.
His eyes rolled to the ceiling and back.
We then spent 5 minutes trying to fold the info leaflet back so it would fit in the box. He nearly got it. I got him to hand it to me and showed him.
'Isn't it a great sense of achievement when you can fold it so that it goes in the box and you can get the tablets in as well!' I chuckled.
He laughed. A cross between laughing at me, at himself, at us and at 'the sadistic twat that they pay to fold them like this!'
'So why you like this? What's brought all this on?' He started to go on thinking it was centred around my status.
I interrupted him. 'I'm pretty sure it's nothing to do with my status. Well, not all of it.' I didn't tell him that I'd read my early diary entries yesterday or the day before.
'I think I know some of it, based on what I've seen.' He said, noticing some writing on the living room wall. I'd previously explained that to him from one time Pete sent me over the edge.
We got talking about my relationship with Pete, the reasons why we broke up. How Pete was convinced it was 'just a phase I was going through' and how we'd be back together. And how Pete held me responsible for his depression. Micheal observed that if Pete couldn't see what was in front of him then his depression was his own fault. I had to agree. We spoke about the shit with boyf and Mart and how I was happy that things were finally getting back to normal with Mart.
As we were talking Mart sent me a text message asking could he lend a tenner for Friday. 'Sure babe', I began to text back, 'When do you want it? The money, that is!' I got an equally flirty message back also wishing me good luck with Micheal. I giggled as I put my phone down. 'Text-flirting with Mart. Things are back to normal!' I said happily. Micheal smiled. He knows how important Mart is to me.
We spoke about work and how things had been getting out of hand at work. How priorities had changed which meant that some projects had been put on hold. That those projects now had to come back on stream with more new projects popping up quicker than you can say 'jack-rabbit'. Too much work and no where near enough time to do it!
Then I got onto the situation between me and him. I spoke openly and freely as I knew there was no point in hiding anything from him. He had to know how I was feeling and I had to try and make him understand. I hope he already realises that a lot of my character at the moment is being distorted by the depression and that somethings are going to get worse, much worse, before they get better.
'It's been three weeks since I last saw you. And I've missed you so much. Do you know, it's been five, no six weeks since we last had sex!' I said.
He looked puzzled. 'It's not been six weeks since your birthday?'
'I mean, since you last fucked me.'
'Ah. Sex! You mean the full-bang!' he mused.
'Yeah. But it's not just about the sex.'
He'd gathered that I was confused about the relationship we had. I went on to talk about how I was when I first met him. He was surprised that I was able to give him the month. I said March, he thought April, actually May! That at the time going into a relationship was the last thing on my mind. When I met him I did think he was a lovely guy, someone I would like to get to know, very attractive, a great catch for somebody. But not for me. That wasn't what I wanted. He pulled me back on this: 'but what's changed now?' Curiosity was across his face. I explained that as I'd got to know him over Mardi Gras I'd fallen for him. Hook, line, sinker, the whole fucking battleship! Enlightenment dawned. It was the morning after the fracas with Chrissy that reality hit me and I realised that this was the man I wanted. Without realising I had fallen in love.
And then there is this whole syphilis thing. To be clear about this, it's been confirmed that LittleOne (previously known as Twat, but I've mellowed) has had this in his system for over a year and knew nothing about it. There's also been Chlamydia and Scabies. We've all had the latter two. Micheal is still awaiting results on the first. I haven't been tested yet as I needed to talk this through with Micheal first.
Before I got too far into this Micheal stopped me. 'The reasons we've not seen each other so much are money, health and time.' Admittedly, we've both been skint. I mean really skint. That's affected us both. And looking back now I know that he's been as upset and annoyed at not being able to see me as I have. The health thing because he has been worried about LittleOne. Being honest and fair I've also been worried about him. And time, well LittleOne is having the daily doses of penicillin for the syphilis and has not been reacting well to it, but is getting better. He's got eleven more treatments.
Micheal's completely off sex at the moment, both in his head and his crotch. Seeing what they're pumping into LittleOne's buttocks, the way they're doing it, and how he's reacting, has put him right off. I know it's something he'll snap out of. I mean, come on, this is the guy who once said to a doctor 'if that stuff makes that [his dick] not work, either change it for something else or shoot me now!' I know he meant it.
I said that being so far away with all that going on I'd felt completely left out of it. Left outside, alone and in the cold. He pondered this and I could see that he agreed and sympathised with my point of view. I'd done the chlamydia and the scabies all by myself. They'd gone through it together. There was no one there apart from me to deal with it. Micheal mentioned that LittleOne had no one he could turn to, something I already knew, and asked me if I knew what that was like. He understood that I felt that way at the moment, but for me it wasn't the case. 'At the moment I'm picking him up,' (he gestured picking a rabbit up by its ears) 'and making sure he's alright. And it's what I'll do with you if you have to go through this.' I interjected that I knew this but I thought he'd dropped me. I put my hand out and he grabbed it and squeezed. I could feel tears welling in my eyes but I didn't actually cry. 'I need to understand,' he began, 'and you need to understand as well.'
At that moment I felt very small. Stupid even. I told him that I knew everything he'd told me was right and that I already knew it. But that my mind was just distorting everything. But I knew two things. And knew them for sure. That I loved him, dearly, and plain just can't do without him. And that he does love me, even though he doesn't really subscribe to this thing called 'love'. Either way, I'm still in his heart and he's gonna stand by me.
We spent the rest of the evening with him lying between my legs with my arms around him watching films: The Core, and Blade II. He slept in his underwear and he noticed my puzzled expression when I saw this. He'd been told that syphilis is highly contagious and certainly it is on the rise in Manchester. Got to admit that I don't know enough about that one. 'Roll over, and I'll give you a cuddle.' he whispered. I did. He put his arms round me and held me tight. I gripped his hand. I didn't want to let go. 'If you start itching don't you blame me!' He giggled. 'If I start itching, I start itching. I don't care. You're here with me now, and that's all that matters to me at the moment.' And I kissed the back of his hand. We laid like that for a while. Then he had to reclaim his hand. I was gripping it that tightly I was giving him pins and needles! Still behind me he started stroking my shoulder, my neck, the side of my head, my spine. And then small butterfly kisses. The touch and the kiss let me know that I was safely there in the places that matter, the places that count.
I slept the best nights sleep I've had in weeks. Actually slept right through from 1am to 7.30am (barring a few moments when his phone went off at 5.30. he's gonna kill one of his mates). I remembered a salutation he said to me after he'd given me a drink at his home once: Never above you. Never below you. Always by your side. The sentiment was as real and honest then as it would be now.
Monday, November 22, 2004
It Must Be Cold Out There...
...She's Wearin' Knickers!
Nope.
Yes it is cold out there. Well not as cold as the last few days.
Guess who suffered another side effect this morning? Yep. 6.30am, bed is covered in chocolate sauce! And I'm wearing knickers 'cos I just don't trust myself for it not to happen during the day.
Nope.
Yes it is cold out there. Well not as cold as the last few days.
Guess who suffered another side effect this morning? Yep. 6.30am, bed is covered in chocolate sauce! And I'm wearing knickers 'cos I just don't trust myself for it not to happen during the day.
Comments
I've had a comment from GayCanadianXPartyBoy relating to my post on All Is Ok. I Think.... I was going to respond just in the comments, but I thought I'd share it. After all, one of my reasons for this blog was to share what I'm going through.
They put me on something called Citalopram. It's an SSRI (Selective Seretonin Reuptake Inhibitor) and part of the same family as Prozac. I've looked through the first two sets of side effects on the information leaflet that came with them. And yep, I've got about 3/4 of each!! Generally I'm feeling fuzzy. That's the best way to describe it. For me that's pretty strange as I usually react pretty well to most drugs (especially those of the 'recreational' variety). If I'd have known it was from the Prozac family when I was at the docs I probably would have refused it. An ex of mine went on Prozac and it was a serious contributor to the break up of our relationship. It took a strong man and turned him into a cabbage. But if the docs say this is what I need, then I suppose I have to at least try it. There's more about depression here.
Just after I started taking 'e' I did a lot of internet research about it's effects on the body and how to do it safely. My brain doesn't really understand biology but I learnt a lot. I suppose that comes from the part of me that wants to understand how things work. This slide show is excellent. In a nutshell, 'e' causes the brain to over-release Seretonin which is a natural chemical. Seretonin is responsible for the 'happy' mood amongst other things. Over time, the brain tries to clear the excess Seretonin in an attempt to recyle (to produce more Seretonin). It is the reuptake transporters that reclaim the Seretonin that drugs like Citalopram and others try to impede.
Boy mentions about feeling like he was on 'e' when he first started depression meds. Can't say I've felt like that. Even the fuzziness doesn't feel like 'e'. I quite like that fuzziness, it's part of the things that makes me feel 'boing'! Lethargic, apathetic, heavy are more like what this is giving me. I can't say I've ever had an irrational thought on 'e'. True, maybe some wierd or random shit, but there's always been a path, a line of logic to give it some sense. I know I'm thinking irrationally now. And the worst part is that I know! But I can't help it. I can understand what I should be feeling but am trying not to get confused about why I'm not feeling it. Basically, trying not to think about it.
I spent an hour yesterday thinking about ringing Micheal. I'd been out to buy a new hard-drive so this was during the aborted attempt at fitting it (aborted because I need a mounting bracket). At the end of the hour I couldn't work out what I wanted to say, so I decided I'd send him a text message. Two hours later it's a wonder my phone is still in one piece let alone working, I can't remember how many times it flew across the room. The message got sent and eventually we spoke. He tried ringing but I ignored the call, didn't feel like talking. I ended up screaming at him over the phone and hanging up. I sent him a message to say I was sorry and we've kinda patched things, I think. I'm not used to being so hot-headed and I don't like it. He tried to humour me by saying that there's no point in smashing my phone up unless its insured. I was quite impassive in response, 'yeah, but it felt like a good idea'. Haven't told him yet that I nearly put my foot through the kitchen bin because it was there!
He has to go to the hospital himself this morning. The he's coming over later. I told him that all I needed was a day to see him. I think just seeing him, having him with me, having him hear me in person, will help me. I find phones impersonal at the best of time, which is part of the reason why I didn't want to discuss any of this over the phone with him. Plus I need him to see first hand what a state I get myself into. I'm pretty calm at the moment, surprisingly, but I know pretty much for sure that I'll flare up later. We spoke late last night, after I'd calmed down and I was ok. So you can definately say that the mood swings are violent. He's concerned that I'm not sleeping, and thinks I should ask about sleeping tablets. It's worse than my previous bouts of insomnia, the old tricks aren't working this time. Also the nausea and vomiting are of concern to him. I can't really afford to bring food back up, especially as the feeling and my mind are not conducive to eating. And shake!!! My whole body feels like it's in spasm. I had to sign my name to receive the hard drive yesterday. The signature was worse than the one I did when my wrist was in plaster. Thank god the cutie who served me (my height, blond, blue eyes and very sweet face) didn't compare it to what's on my card.
Well, I've achieved one good thing today, at least. The landing light bulb blew yesterday morning. No, Friday night. Oh, I can't remember (another worrying thing, another side effect). And I just couldn't face changing it. Yesterday the bulb in my work room went and I had to change that one or I'd not have been able to fit the new drive (which I will do today after I get the mount). The landing light is right over the banister. I have to get step ladders to change it and I never like doing it. Vertigo and a fear of heights. As I was changing it this morning I was trying to keep myself focussed on my task and not have thoughts about pushing myself over the banister - the top step puts me at calf-height compared to the banister rail. So I'm pleased with myself for that.
And as for sex. Well, let's just say that that one's going to be interesting. The information leaflet contradicts itself: one part says loss of libido another says increased libido. It's not changed that, yet. True I'm not as horny as I have been of late. I can get an erection. Can't fucking keep it! Even tried using some of my best porn on the computer - five guys and a sling (yummy!), big black men (ooh, heaven!) - and still can't stay up for more than five minutes at a stroke. Maybe it will be different with someone else there, that's if we end up having sex tonight. It seems like years since we last did. So it looks like I might have to explore Viagra. I've done it before, I quite like it, and as long as I take my nasal spray for my rhinitus I'm ok. I mean, it's ok being a bottom, but you gotta give the other party something to grab hold of!
They put me on something called Citalopram. It's an SSRI (Selective Seretonin Reuptake Inhibitor) and part of the same family as Prozac. I've looked through the first two sets of side effects on the information leaflet that came with them. And yep, I've got about 3/4 of each!! Generally I'm feeling fuzzy. That's the best way to describe it. For me that's pretty strange as I usually react pretty well to most drugs (especially those of the 'recreational' variety). If I'd have known it was from the Prozac family when I was at the docs I probably would have refused it. An ex of mine went on Prozac and it was a serious contributor to the break up of our relationship. It took a strong man and turned him into a cabbage. But if the docs say this is what I need, then I suppose I have to at least try it. There's more about depression here.
Just after I started taking 'e' I did a lot of internet research about it's effects on the body and how to do it safely. My brain doesn't really understand biology but I learnt a lot. I suppose that comes from the part of me that wants to understand how things work. This slide show is excellent. In a nutshell, 'e' causes the brain to over-release Seretonin which is a natural chemical. Seretonin is responsible for the 'happy' mood amongst other things. Over time, the brain tries to clear the excess Seretonin in an attempt to recyle (to produce more Seretonin). It is the reuptake transporters that reclaim the Seretonin that drugs like Citalopram and others try to impede.
Boy mentions about feeling like he was on 'e' when he first started depression meds. Can't say I've felt like that. Even the fuzziness doesn't feel like 'e'. I quite like that fuzziness, it's part of the things that makes me feel 'boing'! Lethargic, apathetic, heavy are more like what this is giving me. I can't say I've ever had an irrational thought on 'e'. True, maybe some wierd or random shit, but there's always been a path, a line of logic to give it some sense. I know I'm thinking irrationally now. And the worst part is that I know! But I can't help it. I can understand what I should be feeling but am trying not to get confused about why I'm not feeling it. Basically, trying not to think about it.
I spent an hour yesterday thinking about ringing Micheal. I'd been out to buy a new hard-drive so this was during the aborted attempt at fitting it (aborted because I need a mounting bracket). At the end of the hour I couldn't work out what I wanted to say, so I decided I'd send him a text message. Two hours later it's a wonder my phone is still in one piece let alone working, I can't remember how many times it flew across the room. The message got sent and eventually we spoke. He tried ringing but I ignored the call, didn't feel like talking. I ended up screaming at him over the phone and hanging up. I sent him a message to say I was sorry and we've kinda patched things, I think. I'm not used to being so hot-headed and I don't like it. He tried to humour me by saying that there's no point in smashing my phone up unless its insured. I was quite impassive in response, 'yeah, but it felt like a good idea'. Haven't told him yet that I nearly put my foot through the kitchen bin because it was there!
He has to go to the hospital himself this morning. The he's coming over later. I told him that all I needed was a day to see him. I think just seeing him, having him with me, having him hear me in person, will help me. I find phones impersonal at the best of time, which is part of the reason why I didn't want to discuss any of this over the phone with him. Plus I need him to see first hand what a state I get myself into. I'm pretty calm at the moment, surprisingly, but I know pretty much for sure that I'll flare up later. We spoke late last night, after I'd calmed down and I was ok. So you can definately say that the mood swings are violent. He's concerned that I'm not sleeping, and thinks I should ask about sleeping tablets. It's worse than my previous bouts of insomnia, the old tricks aren't working this time. Also the nausea and vomiting are of concern to him. I can't really afford to bring food back up, especially as the feeling and my mind are not conducive to eating. And shake!!! My whole body feels like it's in spasm. I had to sign my name to receive the hard drive yesterday. The signature was worse than the one I did when my wrist was in plaster. Thank god the cutie who served me (my height, blond, blue eyes and very sweet face) didn't compare it to what's on my card.
Well, I've achieved one good thing today, at least. The landing light bulb blew yesterday morning. No, Friday night. Oh, I can't remember (another worrying thing, another side effect). And I just couldn't face changing it. Yesterday the bulb in my work room went and I had to change that one or I'd not have been able to fit the new drive (which I will do today after I get the mount). The landing light is right over the banister. I have to get step ladders to change it and I never like doing it. Vertigo and a fear of heights. As I was changing it this morning I was trying to keep myself focussed on my task and not have thoughts about pushing myself over the banister - the top step puts me at calf-height compared to the banister rail. So I'm pleased with myself for that.
And as for sex. Well, let's just say that that one's going to be interesting. The information leaflet contradicts itself: one part says loss of libido another says increased libido. It's not changed that, yet. True I'm not as horny as I have been of late. I can get an erection. Can't fucking keep it! Even tried using some of my best porn on the computer - five guys and a sling (yummy!), big black men (ooh, heaven!) - and still can't stay up for more than five minutes at a stroke. Maybe it will be different with someone else there, that's if we end up having sex tonight. It seems like years since we last did. So it looks like I might have to explore Viagra. I've done it before, I quite like it, and as long as I take my nasal spray for my rhinitus I'm ok. I mean, it's ok being a bottom, but you gotta give the other party something to grab hold of!
Saturday, November 20, 2004
Anal? Me? Oh, Shove It Up Yer Arse!
I've set myself a bit of a task and I know it may seem strange but I want to find out more about the anatomy of my arse! True, some people in the past have called me 'anal' but I think they're meaning 'retentive' and not 'fixated'. So what if I absorb a lot (an awful lot) of useless information? You just never know when it might come in handy.
Basically my current knowledge kinda stops at the inner sphincter. I know that there's more going on beyond that point and that it gets messy in there. This diagram kinda clears (ahem) things up a little:
The Sex Project
So much is mentioned about the Prostate Gland but this is the first time I've known really seen where it's supposed to be. My best friend at school told me that it was 'an inch in and up to the left'. Of course, I'll need to try and map the image against myself! Another thing that I've learned is that in an average adult the distance between the inner sphincter and the union between the rectum and colon (sigismoid) is approximately 40cms. This union is essentially a third sphincter-type thing that deals with the waste going down. Lovely! Just trying to visualise 40cms against my own body. I'm sure I've remembered that wrong (can't find the link now! bugger!!) as 40cm puts that point about half-way up my back.
With the two sphincters the outer one is one that you can control (your backdoor, if you like!). The inner one is more involuntary reacting to pain, fear, etc.
There were two main reasons for me wanting to know what was beyond the inner ring: a. so I could workout what some people bang into when they go into me, and b. how a lump of shit I found could still be in there!
I'll deal with b first. Sorry for the graphic nature of this, but as I was 'preparing myself' recently at McDonalds I managed to get two fingers up and felt something towards my back. It was squidgy but I couldn't manage to work it out, and I gathered that it was a lump of the brown stuff. I have to be careful with Micheal being to vigorous as sometimes he pulls himself out a bit and there's 'chocolate sauce' (as he puts it) over everything. The smell of which knocks him soft. Now we all know that there's gonna be muck up there. The other thing was that I was amazed at was the apparent size of the cavern I have in there. I was expecting a narrowish tube and not something the size of Westminster Cathedral. So I figure that once I manage to get a thick one in there there shouldn't be that many problems - apart from the chocolate sauce issue, but I think I got a fix for that! I'm already aware that the male sphincters should be able to expand to 10cm diameter (probably with exercise and practice). I mean, 40cm is just under 16 inches and 10cm just under 4 inches.
Ah, a little more research indicates that the rectum is 'the last 8 to 10 inches of the large intestine'. The previous 6 foot (whoa!!) is the colon.
So biologically we could all be bucket-arsed bitches!
And I've worked out an answer to a. There is a twist on all the pictures and diagrams I've seen, sometimes forward, and sometimes to one side, at the top of the rectum. Obviously this is what is being hit: the bend in the rectal cavity. Though I'm led to believe that everything moves around in there. So maybe, if gentle enough, a fucker might be able to 'massage' that kink straight. Just a thought.
This link indicates ways you can attack the prostate gland from different angles. Maybe this has a different effect? I don't know. Websters Online Dictionary comes back with an amazing amount of information about 'rectum'. And just for fun!
Basically my current knowledge kinda stops at the inner sphincter. I know that there's more going on beyond that point and that it gets messy in there. This diagram kinda clears (ahem) things up a little:
The Sex Project
So much is mentioned about the Prostate Gland but this is the first time I've known really seen where it's supposed to be. My best friend at school told me that it was 'an inch in and up to the left'. Of course, I'll need to try and map the image against myself! Another thing that I've learned is that in an average adult the distance between the inner sphincter and the union between the rectum and colon (sigismoid) is approximately 40cms. This union is essentially a third sphincter-type thing that deals with the waste going down. Lovely! Just trying to visualise 40cms against my own body. I'm sure I've remembered that wrong (can't find the link now! bugger!!) as 40cm puts that point about half-way up my back.
With the two sphincters the outer one is one that you can control (your backdoor, if you like!). The inner one is more involuntary reacting to pain, fear, etc.
There were two main reasons for me wanting to know what was beyond the inner ring: a. so I could workout what some people bang into when they go into me, and b. how a lump of shit I found could still be in there!
I'll deal with b first. Sorry for the graphic nature of this, but as I was 'preparing myself' recently at McDonalds I managed to get two fingers up and felt something towards my back. It was squidgy but I couldn't manage to work it out, and I gathered that it was a lump of the brown stuff. I have to be careful with Micheal being to vigorous as sometimes he pulls himself out a bit and there's 'chocolate sauce' (as he puts it) over everything. The smell of which knocks him soft. Now we all know that there's gonna be muck up there. The other thing was that I was amazed at was the apparent size of the cavern I have in there. I was expecting a narrowish tube and not something the size of Westminster Cathedral. So I figure that once I manage to get a thick one in there there shouldn't be that many problems - apart from the chocolate sauce issue, but I think I got a fix for that! I'm already aware that the male sphincters should be able to expand to 10cm diameter (probably with exercise and practice). I mean, 40cm is just under 16 inches and 10cm just under 4 inches.
Ah, a little more research indicates that the rectum is 'the last 8 to 10 inches of the large intestine'. The previous 6 foot (whoa!!) is the colon.
So biologically we could all be bucket-arsed bitches!
And I've worked out an answer to a. There is a twist on all the pictures and diagrams I've seen, sometimes forward, and sometimes to one side, at the top of the rectum. Obviously this is what is being hit: the bend in the rectal cavity. Though I'm led to believe that everything moves around in there. So maybe, if gentle enough, a fucker might be able to 'massage' that kink straight. Just a thought.
This link indicates ways you can attack the prostate gland from different angles. Maybe this has a different effect? I don't know. Websters Online Dictionary comes back with an amazing amount of information about 'rectum'. And just for fun!
Friday, November 19, 2004
Push Me Higher!
Really enjoyed myself last night. Had a great time with Mart, and it was good to see Kath again. The whole friction-thing about boyf is over between me and Mart. Last night saw us both laughing and joking as if 'that' whole sorry affair had never taken place.
We met up in town last night as he was on his way home from work via his boyfriends place. Poor lamb was frozen when he met me. I'd walked into town so knew it was cold but didn't even contemplate that there would be any snow anywhere! It was a bit of a shock later when I heard that.
How do I begin describing last night? Well, we met in Thompsons. While I was waiting for Mart I got talking to a really nice bloke. We had a bit of a laugh taking the piss out of some of the customers and staff and he appeared to be well into me. If I'd have wanted to something more could have happened with him, but I was meeting Mart and, to be honest, even if the option had been broached I think I would have declined on that occasion. Nothing to do with him, he was pretty attractive; good sense of humour; fabulous personality. Just that I'd already set my mind on how my evening would be. Think I needed it to go to plan, as it were.
So Mart turns up, and we have a drink, and pop a pill. Then off licence to get some alcohol (vodka, of course) and a taxi back to Marts. Mart had mentioned earlier about going back to mine, but I wanted a change of scenary. We're talking in the taxi like two old fish wives. Yap, yap, yap! God knows what the taxi driver thought. Though we got onto one conversation where I said I'd have to tell him the rest of it when we got back to his, that it was 'too graphic to talk about in the taxi'. Mart knows I'm pretty graphic when I talk about things, and his eyes widened at this as he kinda guessed about how graphically I was gonna complete this story. He laughingly called me a filthy whore. Yes, it was business as usual.
In Mart's room we broke out the vodka and started the music. We listened to so much that night that it would be hard to recall everything - somethings I know got played more than twice because we'd forgotten about listening to them. Talking, laughing, joking. Explaining to Kath, who joined us for a while, that sometimes we weren't being rude, just that we could understand each other because we were on the same stuff (and same wavelength) and that alcohol alone didn't match up. I likened it to her speaking to us in a mixture of French and English. We'd be able to understand the English bits, but the French would have us in 'what the fuck?' mode. Mart also pointed out to her that music became more important than talk. How very true! So there was Mart and I sat on the floor bopping with Kath on the end of the bed motionless.
About an hour in I decided to get changed into something more comfortable. I'd packed some shorts and a t-shirt for the evening. So I went to the bathroom to get changed while Mart made a phone call to someone he was visiting over the weekend. When I came back he made a comment to his friend that his mother had just walked in 'dressed like she's going to Essential'. 'Not quite,' I said, picking up my baseball cap and drink. 'Now I'm ready!' I picked up my phone to send a message to Micheal to let him know I was at Mart's and the phone number. He rang shortly afterwards. I can't remember much of the conversation with him but I know that he kept trying to talk serious with me, about how I was. I just can't do serious conversations on drugs, sorry, but my brain just ain't wired up for that. It was good to hear his voice though I missed half the conversation. As Mart had said, music overtook the talk. So I said to him that I was gonna go. He wished me a good evening, to be careful, to enjoy myself and that he'd ring me tomorrow. So now we really let our hair down.
The next few hours were louder music, more talk and more pills. 'You want another?' 'Aye, go on then!'. Yes, tonight, we were going for the mong!
Needless to say, it ended up with the pair of us in Mart's bed. The clothes came off and, well, we kissed and held each other, and played around a bit. Apparently I was being a bit random in some of the things I was saying, including me asking Mart to shove a pill up my arse! Well, I got half of one up there. Hmm, interesting, and I will be doing that one again! And I got Mart up there as well. To me, that confirmed once and for all that the situation between us was completely cool.
By about 7am we'd both passed out and were sleeping. We were both a bit restless but got a few hours.
Spent most of today with Kath and Mart. It was a little like living with 'The Return Of The Living Dead'. We went to get cigarettes this morning, and what a mission that was. It was fucking hard work, and bitterly cold. We were both walking very stiffly, and I had huge problems trying to get words to come out of my mouth correctly. Music was on in the background and every so often Mart and I would zing up and then come back down again.
Kyle came round about lunch time. He knew I was going to be there and knew that we'd spent the night with each other. The inevitable question came from his lips 'well, did you fuck?' We both said no, as Kyle doesn't really approve of the sexual side of our relationship. Mart's eyes danced, he'd remembered something from the previous night. He tried to mouth it to me, but I couldn't tell what it was so asked him to whisper. It was me asking him 'do you want to go inside me' and his replying 'yeah, alright'. There's a chance of us going to Amsterdam next March so we were talking about that. Now that could be fun! Then Kyle got a taxi to take him back to work.
I left with Mart when he left for work and I got the bus to take me home. Before I left I thanked Mart for last night and he said that he'd enjoyed it. Really enjoyed it. He's always going to be there, and I love his dearly for that.
We met up in town last night as he was on his way home from work via his boyfriends place. Poor lamb was frozen when he met me. I'd walked into town so knew it was cold but didn't even contemplate that there would be any snow anywhere! It was a bit of a shock later when I heard that.
How do I begin describing last night? Well, we met in Thompsons. While I was waiting for Mart I got talking to a really nice bloke. We had a bit of a laugh taking the piss out of some of the customers and staff and he appeared to be well into me. If I'd have wanted to something more could have happened with him, but I was meeting Mart and, to be honest, even if the option had been broached I think I would have declined on that occasion. Nothing to do with him, he was pretty attractive; good sense of humour; fabulous personality. Just that I'd already set my mind on how my evening would be. Think I needed it to go to plan, as it were.
So Mart turns up, and we have a drink, and pop a pill. Then off licence to get some alcohol (vodka, of course) and a taxi back to Marts. Mart had mentioned earlier about going back to mine, but I wanted a change of scenary. We're talking in the taxi like two old fish wives. Yap, yap, yap! God knows what the taxi driver thought. Though we got onto one conversation where I said I'd have to tell him the rest of it when we got back to his, that it was 'too graphic to talk about in the taxi'. Mart knows I'm pretty graphic when I talk about things, and his eyes widened at this as he kinda guessed about how graphically I was gonna complete this story. He laughingly called me a filthy whore. Yes, it was business as usual.
In Mart's room we broke out the vodka and started the music. We listened to so much that night that it would be hard to recall everything - somethings I know got played more than twice because we'd forgotten about listening to them. Talking, laughing, joking. Explaining to Kath, who joined us for a while, that sometimes we weren't being rude, just that we could understand each other because we were on the same stuff (and same wavelength) and that alcohol alone didn't match up. I likened it to her speaking to us in a mixture of French and English. We'd be able to understand the English bits, but the French would have us in 'what the fuck?' mode. Mart also pointed out to her that music became more important than talk. How very true! So there was Mart and I sat on the floor bopping with Kath on the end of the bed motionless.
About an hour in I decided to get changed into something more comfortable. I'd packed some shorts and a t-shirt for the evening. So I went to the bathroom to get changed while Mart made a phone call to someone he was visiting over the weekend. When I came back he made a comment to his friend that his mother had just walked in 'dressed like she's going to Essential'. 'Not quite,' I said, picking up my baseball cap and drink. 'Now I'm ready!' I picked up my phone to send a message to Micheal to let him know I was at Mart's and the phone number. He rang shortly afterwards. I can't remember much of the conversation with him but I know that he kept trying to talk serious with me, about how I was. I just can't do serious conversations on drugs, sorry, but my brain just ain't wired up for that. It was good to hear his voice though I missed half the conversation. As Mart had said, music overtook the talk. So I said to him that I was gonna go. He wished me a good evening, to be careful, to enjoy myself and that he'd ring me tomorrow. So now we really let our hair down.
The next few hours were louder music, more talk and more pills. 'You want another?' 'Aye, go on then!'. Yes, tonight, we were going for the mong!
Needless to say, it ended up with the pair of us in Mart's bed. The clothes came off and, well, we kissed and held each other, and played around a bit. Apparently I was being a bit random in some of the things I was saying, including me asking Mart to shove a pill up my arse! Well, I got half of one up there. Hmm, interesting, and I will be doing that one again! And I got Mart up there as well. To me, that confirmed once and for all that the situation between us was completely cool.
By about 7am we'd both passed out and were sleeping. We were both a bit restless but got a few hours.
Spent most of today with Kath and Mart. It was a little like living with 'The Return Of The Living Dead'. We went to get cigarettes this morning, and what a mission that was. It was fucking hard work, and bitterly cold. We were both walking very stiffly, and I had huge problems trying to get words to come out of my mouth correctly. Music was on in the background and every so often Mart and I would zing up and then come back down again.
Kyle came round about lunch time. He knew I was going to be there and knew that we'd spent the night with each other. The inevitable question came from his lips 'well, did you fuck?' We both said no, as Kyle doesn't really approve of the sexual side of our relationship. Mart's eyes danced, he'd remembered something from the previous night. He tried to mouth it to me, but I couldn't tell what it was so asked him to whisper. It was me asking him 'do you want to go inside me' and his replying 'yeah, alright'. There's a chance of us going to Amsterdam next March so we were talking about that. Now that could be fun! Then Kyle got a taxi to take him back to work.
I left with Mart when he left for work and I got the bus to take me home. Before I left I thanked Mart for last night and he said that he'd enjoyed it. Really enjoyed it. He's always going to be there, and I love his dearly for that.
Thursday, November 18, 2004
My Charts
Finally remembered today that I needed to sort out appointments for my next set of blood works. So they're now all set up now.
The charts I've got on here are out of date. I had a major hard disk crash during my 'break' period. I lost everything including the original spreadsheet that held all the data. The loss was inconvenient and I lost some important stuff for work (whoops! Back-up? What back-up?) But the thing I was most upset by was losing my charts. Fortunately they can be re-created and I'll make sure there is more than one copy of the spreadsheet!
Can't remember the exact figures, but my last counts were even better than the original baselines!
The charts I've got on here are out of date. I had a major hard disk crash during my 'break' period. I lost everything including the original spreadsheet that held all the data. The loss was inconvenient and I lost some important stuff for work (whoops! Back-up? What back-up?) But the thing I was most upset by was losing my charts. Fortunately they can be re-created and I'll make sure there is more than one copy of the spreadsheet!
Can't remember the exact figures, but my last counts were even better than the original baselines!
Ball Torture. Now I Remember...
For months I've been wracking my brain trying to remember who it was I'd been with that liked 'heavy duty ball play'. Came to me last night while I was recounting Ben's phone conversation with Daddy to Pete: James!
It's been one of those questions you ask yourself, and you know the answer, but it always escapes you. So now I know!
It's been one of those questions you ask yourself, and you know the answer, but it always escapes you. So now I know!
All Is OK. I Think...
You know how I said that I'd missed so much out by bullet-pointing? Well I think this is going to be one of those posts that might end up a bit of a ramble, but will certainly cover some of the 'lost ground'.
It could be said that the relationship between Micheal and me is a 'modern' one. After all, there's a distance component to it - 100's of people are in a similar situation. We both knew from the outset that living with each other permanently was a non-starter, and we both have strong ties to our own localities. Also, we both know that we're no angels when it comes to being faithful! We're both grown up and adult enough to understand these 'complications', accept them as a fact of our lives, but still know that we're there for each other. I've read somewhere that in most relationships where there is a positive status involved that the relationship almost appears to have more than the normal compliment of people. So from the outset it was me, him, my status, and his status. That makes four!
Here's where it gets interesting. The sixteen year old, I'm calling him 'Twat' for the time being, has turned into a shag that didn't go away. Yep, that's right. That makes five in our relationship. Told you my family was dysfunctional! He's got serious hots for Micheal. Micheal originally responded in kind. But the kid has a shitty background and has ended up living with Micheal. He's got problems, some of which I'm not about to talk about here. Micheal originally wanted to help sort him out, but, well, it appears things have gone a little wacko.
Turns out that Twat has got syphilis. There's every chance that he's passed it on to Micheal, and consequently a chance that I've got it as well. Despite having a negative test for it a while back Micheal was describing a 'mark' on the end of his dick and I suggested that they get it looked at as it sounded similar to primary indications of syphilis. Well, I was right! So Twat is having these huge penicillin injections and is not taking very well to them. Micheal, being the caring soul that he is, is being there to nurse him through it. Though Micheal doesn't want the relationship aspect. Or at least that's what he's telling me.
I can cope with the additional body in the relationship. Though, I admit to not being best pleased about it as I have this age thing, and sixteen sets off alarm-bells in my head. If he were eighteen/nineteen I'd have no problems. But this is a young sixteen as well. Micheal has said that he hopes the kid gets bored as he aint going to get it all his own way (he wants Micheal to himself, all to himself) and eventually just fucks off. The strain of looking after the kid is taking it's toll on Micheal, but he doesn't want to just chuck him out as the kid has nothing. I mean, nothing. Myself, I wouldn't like to see anyone in that state. But I learnt long ago that you can only help those who want to be helped, and at the moment, Twat doesn't seem to be playing this game. But he has learned that I ain't going to be giving up easily.
Let's throw another twist into this. I went to the doctors today, made an appointment this morning. I've been away since Sunday, done the equivalent of a full working week by Wednesday. I should be knackered. Mentally and physically I am. But I can't sleep. Not only that, but I'm getting some seriously weird thoughts. The suicidal ones are funny, if you can take them out of context: 'I wonder what it would feel like to let go of the steering wheel [driving down a dark motorway] and the car go into the central reservation?', or 'no, turn the wheel a little more, it's a long drop off that side of the road!', and, 'oh yes, I'm supposed to wait on the pavement before trying to cross a road aren't I!'. Then there's the sudden emotional outbursts, and crying for no apparent reason, and wondering what you've just been crying about. I mean, I spent five minutes crying this morning after I made the doctors appointment. Huh? By 1pm today there had been ten outbursts like that. And I hate the multiple outbursts. Why can't I orgasm instead?
I'm ratty and cranky, which I usual attribute to not sleeping properly. I know I'm over-worked. And I've spent more time today biting my tongue to prevent me from tearing peoples heads off than I can ever remember doing. The doctors receptionist only said to me that 'emergency' appointments were only five minutes long!
Doctor says I'm depressed. Has given me a sick note for a week and prescribed me anti-depressants. Little drops of happiness on prescription? I think not. And it looks like I'm going to be on them for the next 6 months, certainly a minimum of 3. Appears that this has been on the boil for a while but only just come to a head. Interestingly it all appears to be unrelated to me being poz. I'm at odds with everything in the world around me apart from my status. Figure that one out!
Micheal decides last night on the phone that he's coming over tonight and not over the weekend as he has to go with Twat on Saturday for the next round of injections. I send him a text message this morning saying that he's probably better not coming tonight. I'd arranged to meet Mart anyway as we've not spent any decent time with each other in ages. I'm pretty sure he'll buck me up somewhat. I hope so, 'cos I hate feeling like this.
The worst about my current state is that Micheal doesn't know the half of it! This isn't the kind of thing I'm comfortable with talking about over the phone. I've let him know there's a problem, a big problem, and I've let him know that I can only talk about it face to face. The text message I sent on Tuesday night telling him that all was not right with me got a reply that 'he understands'. Whoo hoo! Is he in for a shock or what?!?
So the one person in my life that I want to see the most, that I've been desperate to see for an eternity, I turn away because I'm more likely to verbally dissect him body part by body part than have a rational conversation with. He suggested that I could go over there this weekend. To paraphrase my response: NOT FUCKING LIKELY!! I mean, I've been away all week, the cat's missed me (bless her), I've missed being at home, I've been constantly on the go. Like I'm really going to feel better nurse-maiding Twat? Says he's going to ring me later. He he, now that could be fun!
Oh, and don't get me started on what to expect from these pills over the next fortnight. They know the side effects that I will get already:- more suicidal thoughts. And maybe, just maybe my new works laptop will go through the bedroom window over the next few weeks, not because it's pissing me off just because it seems like a good idea (thank god I bottom in sex, my urges to cause damage could prove fatal otherwise!). And it says that I shouldn't take them if I've been contemplating suicide...
But on a lighter note, I'm looking forward to getting completely and utterly wankered with Mart tonight. We're just starting to get back into talking in the way we used to with each other. I've missed that. And I know he'll be there for me through all of the shit that's in my head. Ahh, I love my little one... he's always going to be there...
It could be said that the relationship between Micheal and me is a 'modern' one. After all, there's a distance component to it - 100's of people are in a similar situation. We both knew from the outset that living with each other permanently was a non-starter, and we both have strong ties to our own localities. Also, we both know that we're no angels when it comes to being faithful! We're both grown up and adult enough to understand these 'complications', accept them as a fact of our lives, but still know that we're there for each other. I've read somewhere that in most relationships where there is a positive status involved that the relationship almost appears to have more than the normal compliment of people. So from the outset it was me, him, my status, and his status. That makes four!
Here's where it gets interesting. The sixteen year old, I'm calling him 'Twat' for the time being, has turned into a shag that didn't go away. Yep, that's right. That makes five in our relationship. Told you my family was dysfunctional! He's got serious hots for Micheal. Micheal originally responded in kind. But the kid has a shitty background and has ended up living with Micheal. He's got problems, some of which I'm not about to talk about here. Micheal originally wanted to help sort him out, but, well, it appears things have gone a little wacko.
Turns out that Twat has got syphilis. There's every chance that he's passed it on to Micheal, and consequently a chance that I've got it as well. Despite having a negative test for it a while back Micheal was describing a 'mark' on the end of his dick and I suggested that they get it looked at as it sounded similar to primary indications of syphilis. Well, I was right! So Twat is having these huge penicillin injections and is not taking very well to them. Micheal, being the caring soul that he is, is being there to nurse him through it. Though Micheal doesn't want the relationship aspect. Or at least that's what he's telling me.
I can cope with the additional body in the relationship. Though, I admit to not being best pleased about it as I have this age thing, and sixteen sets off alarm-bells in my head. If he were eighteen/nineteen I'd have no problems. But this is a young sixteen as well. Micheal has said that he hopes the kid gets bored as he aint going to get it all his own way (he wants Micheal to himself, all to himself) and eventually just fucks off. The strain of looking after the kid is taking it's toll on Micheal, but he doesn't want to just chuck him out as the kid has nothing. I mean, nothing. Myself, I wouldn't like to see anyone in that state. But I learnt long ago that you can only help those who want to be helped, and at the moment, Twat doesn't seem to be playing this game. But he has learned that I ain't going to be giving up easily.
Let's throw another twist into this. I went to the doctors today, made an appointment this morning. I've been away since Sunday, done the equivalent of a full working week by Wednesday. I should be knackered. Mentally and physically I am. But I can't sleep. Not only that, but I'm getting some seriously weird thoughts. The suicidal ones are funny, if you can take them out of context: 'I wonder what it would feel like to let go of the steering wheel [driving down a dark motorway] and the car go into the central reservation?', or 'no, turn the wheel a little more, it's a long drop off that side of the road!', and, 'oh yes, I'm supposed to wait on the pavement before trying to cross a road aren't I!'. Then there's the sudden emotional outbursts, and crying for no apparent reason, and wondering what you've just been crying about. I mean, I spent five minutes crying this morning after I made the doctors appointment. Huh? By 1pm today there had been ten outbursts like that. And I hate the multiple outbursts. Why can't I orgasm instead?
I'm ratty and cranky, which I usual attribute to not sleeping properly. I know I'm over-worked. And I've spent more time today biting my tongue to prevent me from tearing peoples heads off than I can ever remember doing. The doctors receptionist only said to me that 'emergency' appointments were only five minutes long!
Doctor says I'm depressed. Has given me a sick note for a week and prescribed me anti-depressants. Little drops of happiness on prescription? I think not. And it looks like I'm going to be on them for the next 6 months, certainly a minimum of 3. Appears that this has been on the boil for a while but only just come to a head. Interestingly it all appears to be unrelated to me being poz. I'm at odds with everything in the world around me apart from my status. Figure that one out!
Micheal decides last night on the phone that he's coming over tonight and not over the weekend as he has to go with Twat on Saturday for the next round of injections. I send him a text message this morning saying that he's probably better not coming tonight. I'd arranged to meet Mart anyway as we've not spent any decent time with each other in ages. I'm pretty sure he'll buck me up somewhat. I hope so, 'cos I hate feeling like this.
The worst about my current state is that Micheal doesn't know the half of it! This isn't the kind of thing I'm comfortable with talking about over the phone. I've let him know there's a problem, a big problem, and I've let him know that I can only talk about it face to face. The text message I sent on Tuesday night telling him that all was not right with me got a reply that 'he understands'. Whoo hoo! Is he in for a shock or what?!?
So the one person in my life that I want to see the most, that I've been desperate to see for an eternity, I turn away because I'm more likely to verbally dissect him body part by body part than have a rational conversation with. He suggested that I could go over there this weekend. To paraphrase my response: NOT FUCKING LIKELY!! I mean, I've been away all week, the cat's missed me (bless her), I've missed being at home, I've been constantly on the go. Like I'm really going to feel better nurse-maiding Twat? Says he's going to ring me later. He he, now that could be fun!
Oh, and don't get me started on what to expect from these pills over the next fortnight. They know the side effects that I will get already:- more suicidal thoughts. And maybe, just maybe my new works laptop will go through the bedroom window over the next few weeks, not because it's pissing me off just because it seems like a good idea (thank god I bottom in sex, my urges to cause damage could prove fatal otherwise!). And it says that I shouldn't take them if I've been contemplating suicide...
But on a lighter note, I'm looking forward to getting completely and utterly wankered with Mart tonight. We're just starting to get back into talking in the way we used to with each other. I've missed that. And I know he'll be there for me through all of the shit that's in my head. Ahh, I love my little one... he's always going to be there...
Sunday, November 14, 2004
PA Feeling Without The PA?
Micheal has been thinking of getting his cock pierced. Apparently he used to have a frenum piercing, self done once while pissed up. He's still got a mark on the frenum. Because it was a self done jobbie and a hooped earing (with hinge, ouch) was used are probably part of the reason why he says it never felt quite right. He is seriously considering getting a Prince Albert done.
I like the idea of seeing his cock with a PA, but I'm not so sure of whether I'll enjoy it inside me. The thought of it is a bit erotic. But what happens if I catch it with my tongue piercing? I've already heard stories of two lesbians getting stuck when a clit piercing and a tongue piercing became intertwined, and of someone being able to remove (completely) a PA while giving a blow job. Either way, if he does it we'll just have to cross those bridges when we come to them.
In the meantime, I was sent this link for a Glans Ring with Ball. It looks like a bigger version of my nipple ring only it goes round the top of your dick. I like the sound of it and am seriously considering getting one. There is one that it just a ring, but that seems boring to me! I'll share it with Micheal. We'll both get some enjoyment out of it. If nothing else it might give me an idea of what he'll feel like pierced and we'll have some fun along the way.
Available in three sizes: Small (22.5mm), Medium (25mm) and Large (27.5mm). Priced £20 at time of writing.
I'm sure it's something to do with the cold weather setting in - and me not being able to indulge in outdoor sex fetishes - but I'm developing a big thing for sex toys. Think MEO-Team could become a popular mail order website for me. You should see some of the cool (and scary) stuff that they've got in their catalogue.
I like the idea of seeing his cock with a PA, but I'm not so sure of whether I'll enjoy it inside me. The thought of it is a bit erotic. But what happens if I catch it with my tongue piercing? I've already heard stories of two lesbians getting stuck when a clit piercing and a tongue piercing became intertwined, and of someone being able to remove (completely) a PA while giving a blow job. Either way, if he does it we'll just have to cross those bridges when we come to them.
In the meantime, I was sent this link for a Glans Ring with Ball. It looks like a bigger version of my nipple ring only it goes round the top of your dick. I like the sound of it and am seriously considering getting one. There is one that it just a ring, but that seems boring to me! I'll share it with Micheal. We'll both get some enjoyment out of it. If nothing else it might give me an idea of what he'll feel like pierced and we'll have some fun along the way.
Available in three sizes: Small (22.5mm), Medium (25mm) and Large (27.5mm). Priced £20 at time of writing.
I'm sure it's something to do with the cold weather setting in - and me not being able to indulge in outdoor sex fetishes - but I'm developing a big thing for sex toys. Think MEO-Team could become a popular mail order website for me. You should see some of the cool (and scary) stuff that they've got in their catalogue.
Hair Removing Horrors? Try Hair No More!
If you remember from my post And Todays Lesson... I said I wasn't going to use chemicals on my balls to remove hair. Well I got to admit that I like doing it with a razor - sounds dangerous I know - maybe its something to do with the process and rewards for hard work. All psychological, I'm sure. I still can't figure out why I cut myself more when I do my face, but have only once cut myself doing down stairs - and that was 'cos I fell over mid-swipe. Well, I found this on GayUKShop.com. I might give it a try. Just for those times when I'm in a rush and can't be bothered with the contortions I get into when shaving manually - Pete was shocked into silence at the positions I can get myself into in the bath the one time I let him watch!
Slightly unrelated, but I was looking through my NedStat link trails and have found that a couple of my pictures have been indexed by AltaVista. Shockingly, the terrible picture of my first shaving attempt in March was there, and also they've got the pictures from before and after my nipple piercing (AltaVista images search for tit chain).
Slightly unrelated, but I was looking through my NedStat link trails and have found that a couple of my pictures have been indexed by AltaVista. Shockingly, the terrible picture of my first shaving attempt in March was there, and also they've got the pictures from before and after my nipple piercing (AltaVista images search for tit chain).
Love You, Daddy
One of the things I've missed out in my summary was the fact that I now have a gay daddy. Johny is the one who has claimed responsibility for me meeting Micheal and setting the whole thing off. He's right. Had he not known Ben and been in Prague that day when I first met Micheal things would have been very different now. I'd already started to 'Mother' Scott when he and Mart spent the day over at Johns. He referred to himself then as their 'Grandad' - he was yet to meet Kyle at that point. But he likes Mart and Mart likes him. That made me glad. He's so pleased that Micheal and I are so in to each other, he loves seeing us so happy. He's a good friend and will be there for both of us for a very long time to come. One day I'll draw up my dysfunctional family tree. That'll be a laugh.
Kyle met 'Grandad' for the first time when we went out for my birthday. There was a bit of tension at first, but that was just Kyle being protective of me. John can up behind me, put his arms around me and gave me a huge bear hug - he was pilled off his face, by the way! Kyle, I think, was a but alarmed by this (stoned and drunk). I think there were a few cross words said. Now I'm not sure if I get this right, I was in orbit at the time I heard this so I could have the wrong end of the stick. But I'm sure that Kyle said that he fancied him. Kyle does like his older men. But I know that John said later that he hoped he didn't fancy him, meaning Kyle. I kept silent. Probably a good idea.
Anyway, this morning in a fit of motivation Ben decides to ring John. He put him on speaker-phone. I didn't recognise the voice at first. They were arranging meeting up this afternoon and Ben mentioned that he had me there. John eventually twigged that Ben was refering to me.
'Yeah, there's three in the bed..' Ben started,
'... and the little one said shove it in harder!' I shouted.
John knew it was me at that point, and started laughing. James was in the bed at the side of me and looked at me with a huge grin on his face.
He sent Ben a text message a short time later to pass on to me. That he was pleased his daughter had been out and enjoyed himself. Oh, that I did alright!
There were a few more text messages:
Ben: claiming that I was probably pregnant.
John: telling Ben that he hoped his intentions were honorable
Ben: no, that he didn't want to get tied down
John: but I thought you were into bondage
Ben: bondage, yes. Slavery, no!
John and Ben were spending the rest of the day together. God knows what state they'll end up in. If I wasn't going away, and if I'd have had enough money I'd have joined them. Ben did offer. Micheal and I joined them the Saturday after the night we went out for my birthday (on the Friday). We had a great time.
Micheal got some incomprehensible text messages of John this evening so it seems like they're having a good one. Sorry to have missed it. Micheal phoned me. He's had to put his brother to bed - well pissed and stoned. He's had a good weekend and I know he's missing me as much as I'm missing him.
Love you, daddy. Love you, Ben, and James. Love you, Micheal, missing you. Love you all.
Kyle met 'Grandad' for the first time when we went out for my birthday. There was a bit of tension at first, but that was just Kyle being protective of me. John can up behind me, put his arms around me and gave me a huge bear hug - he was pilled off his face, by the way! Kyle, I think, was a but alarmed by this (stoned and drunk). I think there were a few cross words said. Now I'm not sure if I get this right, I was in orbit at the time I heard this so I could have the wrong end of the stick. But I'm sure that Kyle said that he fancied him. Kyle does like his older men. But I know that John said later that he hoped he didn't fancy him, meaning Kyle. I kept silent. Probably a good idea.
Anyway, this morning in a fit of motivation Ben decides to ring John. He put him on speaker-phone. I didn't recognise the voice at first. They were arranging meeting up this afternoon and Ben mentioned that he had me there. John eventually twigged that Ben was refering to me.
'Yeah, there's three in the bed..' Ben started,
'... and the little one said shove it in harder!' I shouted.
John knew it was me at that point, and started laughing. James was in the bed at the side of me and looked at me with a huge grin on his face.
He sent Ben a text message a short time later to pass on to me. That he was pleased his daughter had been out and enjoyed himself. Oh, that I did alright!
There were a few more text messages:
Ben: claiming that I was probably pregnant.
John: telling Ben that he hoped his intentions were honorable
Ben: no, that he didn't want to get tied down
John: but I thought you were into bondage
Ben: bondage, yes. Slavery, no!
John and Ben were spending the rest of the day together. God knows what state they'll end up in. If I wasn't going away, and if I'd have had enough money I'd have joined them. Ben did offer. Micheal and I joined them the Saturday after the night we went out for my birthday (on the Friday). We had a great time.
Micheal got some incomprehensible text messages of John this evening so it seems like they're having a good one. Sorry to have missed it. Micheal phoned me. He's had to put his brother to bed - well pissed and stoned. He's had a good weekend and I know he's missing me as much as I'm missing him.
Love you, daddy. Love you, Ben, and James. Love you, Micheal, missing you. Love you all.
Saturday, November 13, 2004
It Was Alright!
9.45pm last night I gets another text message off Ben. 'You coming out babe. i got some 'lil drops of happiness'. I replied saying that I would have loved to but I was skint, completely skint. 'Aw ill buy you a beer x x x' was his response. I'd been feeling like shit, I'd just wrote that last entry, and realised that the tea I was cooking for one was the same as the last meal I cooked for Scotty. I needed picking up. Ben's good at that! My arm was twisted. 'Aww fanx babe' I text back. And we make arrangements to meet.
Well, Ben and I had a 'play' last night. He wanted me to fuck him, we tried, but I lost it. I actually wanted to as well, which is a strange feeling from me. Then this morning I had Ben and James! It was nice to have James in my mouth (and me in his) again. It's been such a long time. Ben wanted to fuck, and I was the only available 'bottom'. So I got serviced while I ate at James!! It was nice to have Ben back in there - and I let him pile-drive me. I've still got to get James in there. And, oh yes, they've only seen me cum once. I need to stop getting so twatted with them then! But that's half my fun with them...
God. I'm still wankered from last night! Fuck today's chores, they can all wait until tomorrow.
Well, Ben and I had a 'play' last night. He wanted me to fuck him, we tried, but I lost it. I actually wanted to as well, which is a strange feeling from me. Then this morning I had Ben and James! It was nice to have James in my mouth (and me in his) again. It's been such a long time. Ben wanted to fuck, and I was the only available 'bottom'. So I got serviced while I ate at James!! It was nice to have Ben back in there - and I let him pile-drive me. I've still got to get James in there. And, oh yes, they've only seen me cum once. I need to stop getting so twatted with them then! But that's half my fun with them...
God. I'm still wankered from last night! Fuck today's chores, they can all wait until tomorrow.
Friday, November 12, 2004
Missing Things
I've been working from home today. In amongst email, programing and general shit shifting I've had chance to do some much needed housework (and add to my diary).
I'm working away from home early part of next week and so have needed to try and get my head together with what I'm packing. This has entailed doing a lot of laundry. Yes the past few months have seen a number of things slip. Falling in love and the honeymoon period is all well and good, but when reality kicks back in...
I keep stumbling across things that remind me of Scott. He came to me with practically nothing so borrowed some of my clothes. I've always liked seeing my clothes on other people, lets me knida know what they look like on me. I found a tight, dark blue t-shirt. Scott wore it along with my tight blue shorts when we went for that walk in the park. He looked so sexy and cute in them both. No wonder the sex the three of us had later that day was so hot.
Then in writing the second part of my sauna visit story from last week. I've just brought it up from the site. Square in the middle of the window is the phrase 'bring it on'. That was Scott's answer to everything. That and 'it's great, innit?'
Ben sent me a text message this afternoon asking whether I was 'playing out' tonight. Got to admit that I thought long and hard before I replied. I was sorely tempted. I always have a good time with Ben (both in the sack and out). But I seriously can't afford it. Maybe next week..
Oh, ignore me! I'm just on a ramble. I know it's gonna be hard work next week and I'm not looking forward to going (but it pays the bills). I'm missing Micheal like mad. On Sunday it will be a fortnight since I last saw him. Yeah, we've spoken over the phone and all that but I miss holding him, kissing him, cuddling him, sharing the same bed and room as him.
I do miss Ben from time to time. But I know where he is and know he'll always be there. I cared for Scott, I didn't so much fall in love with him as want to look after him. I've got over the initial 'worried fucking sick', to the more realistic 'he'll be back when he wants to'. As for Micheal, well he's helping his brother, and is tied up until Sunday. I'm leaving on Sunday afternoon.
Ah, it'll be alright!
I'm working away from home early part of next week and so have needed to try and get my head together with what I'm packing. This has entailed doing a lot of laundry. Yes the past few months have seen a number of things slip. Falling in love and the honeymoon period is all well and good, but when reality kicks back in...
I keep stumbling across things that remind me of Scott. He came to me with practically nothing so borrowed some of my clothes. I've always liked seeing my clothes on other people, lets me knida know what they look like on me. I found a tight, dark blue t-shirt. Scott wore it along with my tight blue shorts when we went for that walk in the park. He looked so sexy and cute in them both. No wonder the sex the three of us had later that day was so hot.
Then in writing the second part of my sauna visit story from last week. I've just brought it up from the site. Square in the middle of the window is the phrase 'bring it on'. That was Scott's answer to everything. That and 'it's great, innit?'
Ben sent me a text message this afternoon asking whether I was 'playing out' tonight. Got to admit that I thought long and hard before I replied. I was sorely tempted. I always have a good time with Ben (both in the sack and out). But I seriously can't afford it. Maybe next week..
Oh, ignore me! I'm just on a ramble. I know it's gonna be hard work next week and I'm not looking forward to going (but it pays the bills). I'm missing Micheal like mad. On Sunday it will be a fortnight since I last saw him. Yeah, we've spoken over the phone and all that but I miss holding him, kissing him, cuddling him, sharing the same bed and room as him.
I do miss Ben from time to time. But I know where he is and know he'll always be there. I cared for Scott, I didn't so much fall in love with him as want to look after him. I've got over the initial 'worried fucking sick', to the more realistic 'he'll be back when he wants to'. As for Micheal, well he's helping his brother, and is tied up until Sunday. I'm leaving on Sunday afternoon.
Ah, it'll be alright!
You Wanna Shake With That? Pt II
My next visit to McDonalds was on the Thursday evening. I'd felt horny all week. The antics of Wednesday should have calmed me down, but it was becoming apparent that the more cock I got the more cock I wanted. Replaying Wednesday in my head only made me want to go and do it again... I'd been talking with Mart the previous weekend, we'd been talking about drugs and how we'd have to sort out a chemically fueled 'girly night' in or out. He'd mentioned about going to the sauna with one of his ex's when he was pilled off his face. I said I'd never done it and wouldn't like to do it on my own just in case something happened. Well, you can slap my wrists later, but I found half a pill left over from Micheals birthday, and, well, it just happened to fall into my mouth.
So I arrive. The changing room is all full of hustle and bustle of people coming and going (more going, actually) and I wonder whether I've just made a huge mistake. Either way, the kit comes off and I'm in my towel. This rather old large bloke is next to me as I get undressed. He's eyeing my up as the clothes come off. Now I'm not ashamed of my body, and don't mind showing it off, and my cock is something I'm pretty proud of, but this time I made sure that my towel was round my waist before the trackies came off. I could see the look of disappointment in his face through the corner of my eye. I thought to myself that he'll get enough cheap thrills if he's lucky in the main areas. The changing rooms are not really the place for it. Though don't we all check each other out in there?
On my first wander I end up in the darkroom - predictable, I know - and just stand on the side lines. There's a lot of action going on in the middle and far ends. I can just make it out as my eyes adjust. However, when my vision clears I notice that it's all big beefy hairy-types. Not my type. Do I sit it out or go round the block a few times? I decide to sit it out. The moans I'm hearing indicate that someone is having a great time in the middle of that mess but I can't see who's getting what.
A large whale comes in and stands next to me, reaches over and goes to take me cock through the flap of my towel. I take his hand and move it away and move slightly up the wall from him. The action dissipates and people start moving off. Yeah, I notice as half of them leave that it wasn't a good idea for me to join in - none of them did anything for me.
I go for a wander round the block. I go up the sling area. No one there. Hmm, I think to myself, remembering the day before. Later, maybe. I try the glory hole areas and sit myself in one of the cubicles. I'm there for a few minutes but I don't know whether it's my timing or that no one is interesting in it but no one joins an adjoining cubicle. I go over to the larget video lounge. It's empty, but I go in anyway - I need something to 'pick me up' after the darkroom scene. A tall bloke comes in. The video is just of some guy wanking - solo wank stuff never does it for me, I need action if I'm feeling visual. Anyway, I start to massage myself through my towel. The other guy who's sat about a metre and a half away from me opens his towel and proceeds to crank himself up. I'm impressed by his cock. It's thick and long, almost perfectly cylindrical, and cut (what has it been with fucking cut cocks this week? Like bloody mushroom city!) So he's stroking: moaning and gasping and moving his eyes from the screen to me and back. I'm stroking and glancing between him and the screen. I wonder if he's going to slide over. He doesn't. I stand up and make a move off. He's content with the porn so I'll leave him to it. Back to the darkroom.
There's still quite a number of people in there just stood on the perimeter. No one's doing anyone!! A tall slim fella walks in and goes to hide in the larger gloryhole booth. I can just see him round the corner. I'm aware of motion but I can't see cock in the half light. I move towards him to see if I can get a better look. As he passed me I could see that the body was a nice shape so I thought that this was a maybe. Anyway, I ended up just inside the booth. He eases hiself towards me. We reach out to touch each other and my hand falls on a rock hard shaft poking out of the front of his towel. It's a cut one, nice big head I grasp the shaft and give it a little tug. I notice just how hard it is. He separates the flaps of my towel and places mine in his mouth. I stroke his shoulders and back in his bent position. He strokes the inside of my thighs and goes to find me hole. He finds it and gently rubs his finger over the entrance. I know what he wants. Should have no problem accomodating. He releases my meat from his mouth and stands up, leans forward and suggests we find a room. We leave the darkroom and go to the room where I got shafted yesterday!
We start out by sucking and exploring each other's bodies. He's definately one who likes to explore, and sucks a good cock as well. Not to be outdone, I show him that he's not got the monopoly on cock sucking. I look into his eyes as I'm chowing. He's loving this. While we're doing this he leans across and releases the catch on the door. Hey, group stuff invitation!! BRING IT ON!!!! Eventually he has me on all fours and he's behind me with his tongue up my arse. Oh, how I love being in this position. It seems like such a long time since someone's done that to me. He's pulling my arsecheeks wide to get in there and I'm pushing back to get as much tongue as possible. His tongue is so hard and straight that I have to keep reminding myself what it is. Then it's a finger inside me as he nibbles and licks the back of my balls. The finger is nice, but I want tongue, or better still, meat.
I squeeze my sphincter, he know's I'm enjoying this but he gets the hint. He goes back to flicking the tip of his tongue across my opening while he rubbers and lubes up. A lubed finger or two are inserted to get me started but a quickly replaced by his cock. I was expecting the flange of the ridge of his cock to cause difficulty getting in, him being my first for the day as it were. No problems! He gently eases the entire length in, give me a moment to adjust and then starts rapidly thrusting in and out of me. He reaches round behind him, between both our legs and finds my hard cock hanging there he starts to slide his hand up and down its length. I'm fine with this until he tries to pull it back between my legs. I'm so hard and horny that it's a bit painful. I hiss a little between moans and he gets the picture and just resumes a slow stroke on me. So he's there hammering away when the door opens a bit more and I spot a face peering through. I think to myself that a cock to suck now would be quite nice. The face disappears.
My fucker is still pleasuring me and I'm starting to feel vacuum inside me cause by the ridge of his cock head. It's not unpleasant, quite the opposite. I drop to my elbows and push back on him. The change of angle really works with his cock and he starts being more deliberate with his strokes. Just at that moment the door opens again and someone walks in. I know what he wants, and I know I'm gonna do it. He removes his towel. It's a soft cock, but I'm sure I can do something about that! I reach forward and start to pull on its length. It responds, a little. My fucker pushes forward, he wants to see me go down on this guy as he fucks. We slide forward and he edges closer to me. I get his nob in my mouth. It's still soft so I start gently licking and suckling on it. It's soon hard, not too big, but just a nice mouthful. I start to bob on it and flick with my tongue on the lip, paying attention to the underside. I'm just begining to get into this when I sense a change to the taste in my mouth. He's started cumming! I pull him out and move my head out of the way. Seeing this guys spunk makes my fucker cum and I feel him swell inside me as he fills his rubber. He's still fucking though. The guy infront of me apologises to being so quick off the mark! I tell him it's alright and hope that he enjoyed it. He smiles and leaves. My fucker exits me, taps me gently on the bottom and then closes in for a full on kiss. Wooo! Unexpected, he tells me I've got a lovely arse, winks, towels up and leaves. Onwards and upwards!!
After a drink of water I'm back in the darkroom. I'm against the back wall, just away from the corner where there's a gloryhole booth. A few people pop in, check the other side of the booth (which is longer so people can hide in it), then pop out. I'm sure I see movement in the booth near me. I did, but I stay where I am. The silhouette moves forward and touches my chest. It finds my nipple ring and starts to toy with it. I reach back. The body is firm and smooth. I also notice that this guy is very very tall. I slide my hand down. A long fat stalk meets my hand (yep, you guessed right, cut!) I slowly squeeze and pull on it. Would this fit inside me? Nah, not just yet. After not sucking enough cock in my recent escapade I'm still 'hungry' for sausage so I go down on him. I can only just get about half of its length into my mouth but the moans from above me indicate that this is ok - I really need to learn how to do deep-throat. I return to a standing position and he squats down. I stroke the back of his head as he sucks me from tip to root concentrating his efforts on my exposed cock head. He could do that all day. Another guy comes over, hearing my moans and wants to join in. The first guy stands up and starts to twist my nipple. I grasp his cock, the new guy grasps mine and I take his. I go to squat again keeping hold of both tools and drawing them closer together and suck each one of them in turn. I'd like to be able to take them both in my mouth together but their positions wouldn't have allowed it and my mouth just ain't big enough for that - come back Scotty!! Anyway, I make a second guy cum just with my mouth (new guy). He toddles off and I'm left with the first guy. I think we're both bored with each other now. He's no longer as hard as he was. I notice that he has barbells through his nipples (reminds me of Micheal) so I go to tweak one and chew on the other. 'Go on, bite it', he says. So I start going for it, I mean really chewing on it. 'Whoa! Calm down.' Think I gave it a bit much, obviously my pill is about to kick in - strange it didn't before! We separate and I go for a wander.
Now I'm back in the video room - the one with tiered seating either side. Just lying there watching the screen, the music changes, and I feel the rush from the pill and start to giggle to myself. The tingle and fuzziness creeps up my spine. Thank fuck there was no one else in there with me! They'd have thought I was a complete looney. I had to move or I knew that I'd have been there for the rest of the night.
I go back to the darkroom and lean against one of the glory holes. Then an idea pops into my head: what if I lift my towel so my ring is accessible through the hole? I give it a try. It takes a while, but eventually someone realises what I'm doing. Seeing half of the sides of my arse cheeks as they walked past might have given the game away, I would have thought. Initially I'm aware of a finger exploring my crack. Then the finger finds my hole. Then the finger is replaced by a cock head having great difficulty getting in. A tall lad comes in and stands square on in front of me. He can tell what's going on behind me and reaches forward to grasp the back of my neck and pull my mouth onto his cock. I bob him in and out of my mouth, but this isn't enough for him. He keeps one hand on the back of my head and begins to fuck my face. I use one of my hands as a stopper to keep him from choking me! The action at my rear end is beginning to bore me. The guy is still trying - without success I'm pleased to say - to enter me (yes, and he was rubbered). So I pull away and concentrate on getting my face fucked. While this is happening the fella who was trying to mount me goes past: trying to use a glory hole without a flat stomach is not easy! I keep with the face fucking until my jaw starts to ache when I pull off. Then the cock is gone, swallowed by someone else. Greedy cunt!
Wander time again and I discover a part that I'd never seen before. Just rooms and more rooms. Different sizes, layouts, some with lights, some without, some raised, some level, some with matresses, some with just a pillar (kinky) in them. Wandering round them - the corridor goes round in a circle - I began thinking about the people lying in the rooms just waiting. I wanted filling (again) but was bored with walking. So I spots a room, goes in, purposely don't lock it (find out later that the door didn't lock anyway!) takes my towel off, and lies half on my side and commence fingering myself. The door is open ajar so anyone looking in can see what I'm up to. There's a small video screen just above the door showing two pretty twink-types fucking the shit out of each other. Nice.
Through the crack in the door I spot someone go past, a few seconds later he comes back and opens the door. I don't move. He comes in. I still don't move but look at him square on. It's clear what I want, he either gives it me or fucks off out. Plenty more about to fill his space (pardon the pun). He fumbles with the door trying to get it to lock then gives up. He kneals at the end of the matress. Greedily I go straight for the cock. It's already at half-mast but I want to know what it's going to be like before I get it into me. It's cut and dry so I grasp the head and top part of the shaft gently sqeezing it. I could have spat at it to make it slicker, I suppose, but I'm a lousy shot and would probably have got his leg (that's if it hit him at all). Only one thing to do - gobble! So I slick up his shaft with my saliva and am twisting my mouth and my hand around his tool. He's reached over and is slowly tugging at my erection. Something struck me about this guy. I could tell he was a student (intuition?) But something in my head said that this guy was straight and was more used to fucking girls than boys. I didn't care. I'd got a cock in my gob and was gonna get it up my arse whether he liked it or not! I couldn't put my finger on what it was. It could have been something as simple as the gentle way he handled me: I suppose I'm just not used to such a feather light touch.
I release him from my mouth buy continue to slide on his hard tool with my hand. It's normally at this point that the other party go and suck dick. This one was remained where he was still massaging my cock. Ah well! You always get one. Then he pipes up 'You want me to fuck you?'. 'You bet!' I reply. He was young (about my age), cute and his dick was nice. I figured he might be a pretty nice fuck. He looked around, there were no condoms so he popped out to get some - around this section in the corridor are little tubs with all the bits and pieces in. He came back and I assumed my usual doggy-style position. I heard the sound of the rubber as he covered himself up and the rustle as he rolled it down his shaft. He greased himself up and applied a layer to my entrance. The penetration was swift - thank god I'd already been opened up or this would have hurt. He went in balls deep straight off. After a moment he started shafting: tip to root, just the way I like it, nice and rhythmic. I think he liked the feel of it as well. Once or twice he'd speed up and hammer at me. Now I don't mind the occasional brief hammering. We fuck like this for a while with his hands on my hips pushing me forward as he pulls off and pulling me back as he pushes in.
He pulls out of me completely. How I hate that emptiness when the cock falls out or gets removed mid-fuck. 'You wanna lie on your back for me?' He asks. 'Yeah, I'll do that for a while'. I can't always do it this way and a lot depends on who is trying to fuck me. I lie down, get on to my back and raise my legs in the air. He comes in behind me and and I place my ankles on his shoulders. He has difficulty finding my hole so I grasp both my arse cheeks and pull them apart. This helps him get the head of his cock through my ring. He starts sliding in and out of me again. This feels nice. I observe that he's not a touching person. You know, feeling the body of the person you're screwing as you screw them. His position is upright and he's holding me to him by gripping the outside top of my thighs. I'm swinging my head from side to side 'cos he's pushing all the right buttons inside me, not concerned that he's not feeling me up. I'm just happy getting plugged! I have to stop him after a while as my feet become heavy and painful at that elevation. He pulls out and I ask him to let me sit on him. Sometimes it's nice for a 'bottom' to be in the driving seat(!)
He lies down and I position myself over him and line his cock head up with my ring. I gently lower myself onto him. I always find I get deeper penetration this way as well as being in control of how deep they go. I wrap my ankles behind his thighs. I was expecting him to let me do the work, no, he starts bucking up into me. Mmm, nice. He's using fast thrusts now, and really hammering away. I'm rubbing his sides and his nipples as he bangs at me, pushing myself full onto him every so often to I get a really deep bang. It's at this point that I notice he's has his eyes closed the entire time he's been screwing me. The speed of this thrusts start to increase and become more deliberate. I know he's about to cum so I gently squeeze around his cock with my arse. The added resistance helps push him forward and I feel his body trembling between my legs. With a whimper and a gasp he gives one final thrust, more like a lunge and I know for sure that he's blown his load. He's still got his eyes closed. It was good for him as well! I lean forward as is to kiss him a thank you, but then realise that he might not be up for that, so I just kiss his neck and thank him. I dismount and we do the usual 'see you around' things and then both go our separate ways.
I take a break from the cruising for a fag and some water. I'm sat in the rest area and some of the staff are near the serving counter. There's a tall slim guy, short dark hair with tatoos in a vest top. He keeps looking over at me. Fuck me is he fit! But I know he's working so he's not out to play!
Fag break over. Time to get cock! As part of my wanderings I notice that there is someone in one of the slings. He's occupied. On closer observation I see that someone has their fist up him and is in the process of swapping hands! The thought of someone fisting me is a complete turn off. Sometimes I have difficulty getting dick up there! But seeing someone else in that situation was very very horny. The fistee looked really relaxed and seemed to be enjoying the anal intrusion, the fister appeared to be quite professional and competent at what he was doing. I hung around for a while and watched. Then horniness got the better of me. Back to the darkroom.
It wasn't long before I saw action in there. A young guy, slim build, nice cock came over. I found it really strange though when I went down on him and took him in my mouth. He opened his towel but held it round him like what we were doing was private. Hello?!?!? This is a darkroom!! Never the less I continued for a while. He wasn't huge but had a nicely shaped cock. Then we swapped roles. Ooooh. Good cock sucker. Very nearly brought me off, but just kept me hanging. He came up for air and I asked him would he fuck me. 'I don't fuck!' he quipped and flounced off, almost as if he was insulted by my request. Ah well, takes all sorts. I hung around for a while. Nothing much special came in. But I needed to cum now. God knows what time it was, but I knew it was late.
I took a trip over to the slings. The fisters were still at it and the other sling was empty. If nothing else I knew I could get into the other sling and watch what was going on. If I happened to get a fuck at the same time... So I climb in and wait. There must be a trick to getting into those things easily and I know that I haven't got it! From the reclined position I was able to get a good look at the fisting by my side. This close it did look very horny, but not that horny that I was tempted to try it. Next that I know is that the guy who tried to fuck me through the darkroom glory hole is between my legs. Oh, go on then! Let's see if you have more success this way. He fumbles at me but I'm trying to pay more attention to the fisting action. He eventually manages to get inside me - I have to hold myself open for him. Honestly, I could only just feel it! A tall muscled guy walks round to my side of the sling frame, removes his towel and hangs it up. His dick is huge. My mouth starts to water. He feels my nipple then goes back to his cock. He gives me a grope and I reach out to touch his cock. It's warm, juicy and heavy. I'm now completely bored with the guy up my arse. He's doing nothing for me. Even him hanging on to my dick while he shafts me isn't doing it. So I tell him to let 'him' have a go, meaning the well tooled fella to my side. He exits me but stands close by. I indicate to the huge tool that I want him by pulling his meat and trying to guide him round the corner of the frame. He gets the picture. We start with him touching my arse and he fingers me. Yes, I'm open enough for him to get in. He goes for penetration, he's not quite hard enough so stands between my legs wanking himself rubbing his hand across my entrance. I reach around me to have a feel of his meat but he won't release it from his grasp. I start to stroke at my own dick. He has another attempt at penetration. This time successful and he goes all the way in. I'm filled to capacity and loving it! He gives a couple of thrusts and then pulls out. I'm disappointed as his departure from my arse, but pleased that he doesn't go away. He wanks a bit more and then penetrates me again. Same routine. I wonder what's going on. He does this a few more times then pulls out leaving the head just outside my ring, wanking furiously. Then he cums. I feel a wonderful warm sensation over my ring and my balls. With it all being shaved down there the warm liquid on my skin is like heaven and this sets me off. My fucker is gone, no where to be seen. His predecessor looks to be gearing himself up for another try, but I exit the sling before he gets chance.
I pass a clock on my way to clean up. It's well past midnight and I've got work in the morning. Home time. But I'm still horny and I know I'm walking home. At least I'll sleep tonight! Satisfied, but still wanting more. Greedy slut!!
Why the title of this post? Well I got a phone call from Kyle early the next morning. He and Mart had been out the night before and were still pissed up. They asked me what I'd been up to, so I told them. 'Oh, what you like?' chirrups Kyle, then mocking the SlimFast adverts: 'a big cock for breakfast, a big cock for lunch, then a shake before bed time! Oo very nice!'
So I arrive. The changing room is all full of hustle and bustle of people coming and going (more going, actually) and I wonder whether I've just made a huge mistake. Either way, the kit comes off and I'm in my towel. This rather old large bloke is next to me as I get undressed. He's eyeing my up as the clothes come off. Now I'm not ashamed of my body, and don't mind showing it off, and my cock is something I'm pretty proud of, but this time I made sure that my towel was round my waist before the trackies came off. I could see the look of disappointment in his face through the corner of my eye. I thought to myself that he'll get enough cheap thrills if he's lucky in the main areas. The changing rooms are not really the place for it. Though don't we all check each other out in there?
On my first wander I end up in the darkroom - predictable, I know - and just stand on the side lines. There's a lot of action going on in the middle and far ends. I can just make it out as my eyes adjust. However, when my vision clears I notice that it's all big beefy hairy-types. Not my type. Do I sit it out or go round the block a few times? I decide to sit it out. The moans I'm hearing indicate that someone is having a great time in the middle of that mess but I can't see who's getting what.
A large whale comes in and stands next to me, reaches over and goes to take me cock through the flap of my towel. I take his hand and move it away and move slightly up the wall from him. The action dissipates and people start moving off. Yeah, I notice as half of them leave that it wasn't a good idea for me to join in - none of them did anything for me.
I go for a wander round the block. I go up the sling area. No one there. Hmm, I think to myself, remembering the day before. Later, maybe. I try the glory hole areas and sit myself in one of the cubicles. I'm there for a few minutes but I don't know whether it's my timing or that no one is interesting in it but no one joins an adjoining cubicle. I go over to the larget video lounge. It's empty, but I go in anyway - I need something to 'pick me up' after the darkroom scene. A tall bloke comes in. The video is just of some guy wanking - solo wank stuff never does it for me, I need action if I'm feeling visual. Anyway, I start to massage myself through my towel. The other guy who's sat about a metre and a half away from me opens his towel and proceeds to crank himself up. I'm impressed by his cock. It's thick and long, almost perfectly cylindrical, and cut (what has it been with fucking cut cocks this week? Like bloody mushroom city!) So he's stroking: moaning and gasping and moving his eyes from the screen to me and back. I'm stroking and glancing between him and the screen. I wonder if he's going to slide over. He doesn't. I stand up and make a move off. He's content with the porn so I'll leave him to it. Back to the darkroom.
There's still quite a number of people in there just stood on the perimeter. No one's doing anyone!! A tall slim fella walks in and goes to hide in the larger gloryhole booth. I can just see him round the corner. I'm aware of motion but I can't see cock in the half light. I move towards him to see if I can get a better look. As he passed me I could see that the body was a nice shape so I thought that this was a maybe. Anyway, I ended up just inside the booth. He eases hiself towards me. We reach out to touch each other and my hand falls on a rock hard shaft poking out of the front of his towel. It's a cut one, nice big head I grasp the shaft and give it a little tug. I notice just how hard it is. He separates the flaps of my towel and places mine in his mouth. I stroke his shoulders and back in his bent position. He strokes the inside of my thighs and goes to find me hole. He finds it and gently rubs his finger over the entrance. I know what he wants. Should have no problem accomodating. He releases my meat from his mouth and stands up, leans forward and suggests we find a room. We leave the darkroom and go to the room where I got shafted yesterday!
We start out by sucking and exploring each other's bodies. He's definately one who likes to explore, and sucks a good cock as well. Not to be outdone, I show him that he's not got the monopoly on cock sucking. I look into his eyes as I'm chowing. He's loving this. While we're doing this he leans across and releases the catch on the door. Hey, group stuff invitation!! BRING IT ON!!!! Eventually he has me on all fours and he's behind me with his tongue up my arse. Oh, how I love being in this position. It seems like such a long time since someone's done that to me. He's pulling my arsecheeks wide to get in there and I'm pushing back to get as much tongue as possible. His tongue is so hard and straight that I have to keep reminding myself what it is. Then it's a finger inside me as he nibbles and licks the back of my balls. The finger is nice, but I want tongue, or better still, meat.
I squeeze my sphincter, he know's I'm enjoying this but he gets the hint. He goes back to flicking the tip of his tongue across my opening while he rubbers and lubes up. A lubed finger or two are inserted to get me started but a quickly replaced by his cock. I was expecting the flange of the ridge of his cock to cause difficulty getting in, him being my first for the day as it were. No problems! He gently eases the entire length in, give me a moment to adjust and then starts rapidly thrusting in and out of me. He reaches round behind him, between both our legs and finds my hard cock hanging there he starts to slide his hand up and down its length. I'm fine with this until he tries to pull it back between my legs. I'm so hard and horny that it's a bit painful. I hiss a little between moans and he gets the picture and just resumes a slow stroke on me. So he's there hammering away when the door opens a bit more and I spot a face peering through. I think to myself that a cock to suck now would be quite nice. The face disappears.
My fucker is still pleasuring me and I'm starting to feel vacuum inside me cause by the ridge of his cock head. It's not unpleasant, quite the opposite. I drop to my elbows and push back on him. The change of angle really works with his cock and he starts being more deliberate with his strokes. Just at that moment the door opens again and someone walks in. I know what he wants, and I know I'm gonna do it. He removes his towel. It's a soft cock, but I'm sure I can do something about that! I reach forward and start to pull on its length. It responds, a little. My fucker pushes forward, he wants to see me go down on this guy as he fucks. We slide forward and he edges closer to me. I get his nob in my mouth. It's still soft so I start gently licking and suckling on it. It's soon hard, not too big, but just a nice mouthful. I start to bob on it and flick with my tongue on the lip, paying attention to the underside. I'm just begining to get into this when I sense a change to the taste in my mouth. He's started cumming! I pull him out and move my head out of the way. Seeing this guys spunk makes my fucker cum and I feel him swell inside me as he fills his rubber. He's still fucking though. The guy infront of me apologises to being so quick off the mark! I tell him it's alright and hope that he enjoyed it. He smiles and leaves. My fucker exits me, taps me gently on the bottom and then closes in for a full on kiss. Wooo! Unexpected, he tells me I've got a lovely arse, winks, towels up and leaves. Onwards and upwards!!
After a drink of water I'm back in the darkroom. I'm against the back wall, just away from the corner where there's a gloryhole booth. A few people pop in, check the other side of the booth (which is longer so people can hide in it), then pop out. I'm sure I see movement in the booth near me. I did, but I stay where I am. The silhouette moves forward and touches my chest. It finds my nipple ring and starts to toy with it. I reach back. The body is firm and smooth. I also notice that this guy is very very tall. I slide my hand down. A long fat stalk meets my hand (yep, you guessed right, cut!) I slowly squeeze and pull on it. Would this fit inside me? Nah, not just yet. After not sucking enough cock in my recent escapade I'm still 'hungry' for sausage so I go down on him. I can only just get about half of its length into my mouth but the moans from above me indicate that this is ok - I really need to learn how to do deep-throat. I return to a standing position and he squats down. I stroke the back of his head as he sucks me from tip to root concentrating his efforts on my exposed cock head. He could do that all day. Another guy comes over, hearing my moans and wants to join in. The first guy stands up and starts to twist my nipple. I grasp his cock, the new guy grasps mine and I take his. I go to squat again keeping hold of both tools and drawing them closer together and suck each one of them in turn. I'd like to be able to take them both in my mouth together but their positions wouldn't have allowed it and my mouth just ain't big enough for that - come back Scotty!! Anyway, I make a second guy cum just with my mouth (new guy). He toddles off and I'm left with the first guy. I think we're both bored with each other now. He's no longer as hard as he was. I notice that he has barbells through his nipples (reminds me of Micheal) so I go to tweak one and chew on the other. 'Go on, bite it', he says. So I start going for it, I mean really chewing on it. 'Whoa! Calm down.' Think I gave it a bit much, obviously my pill is about to kick in - strange it didn't before! We separate and I go for a wander.
Now I'm back in the video room - the one with tiered seating either side. Just lying there watching the screen, the music changes, and I feel the rush from the pill and start to giggle to myself. The tingle and fuzziness creeps up my spine. Thank fuck there was no one else in there with me! They'd have thought I was a complete looney. I had to move or I knew that I'd have been there for the rest of the night.
I go back to the darkroom and lean against one of the glory holes. Then an idea pops into my head: what if I lift my towel so my ring is accessible through the hole? I give it a try. It takes a while, but eventually someone realises what I'm doing. Seeing half of the sides of my arse cheeks as they walked past might have given the game away, I would have thought. Initially I'm aware of a finger exploring my crack. Then the finger finds my hole. Then the finger is replaced by a cock head having great difficulty getting in. A tall lad comes in and stands square on in front of me. He can tell what's going on behind me and reaches forward to grasp the back of my neck and pull my mouth onto his cock. I bob him in and out of my mouth, but this isn't enough for him. He keeps one hand on the back of my head and begins to fuck my face. I use one of my hands as a stopper to keep him from choking me! The action at my rear end is beginning to bore me. The guy is still trying - without success I'm pleased to say - to enter me (yes, and he was rubbered). So I pull away and concentrate on getting my face fucked. While this is happening the fella who was trying to mount me goes past: trying to use a glory hole without a flat stomach is not easy! I keep with the face fucking until my jaw starts to ache when I pull off. Then the cock is gone, swallowed by someone else. Greedy cunt!
Wander time again and I discover a part that I'd never seen before. Just rooms and more rooms. Different sizes, layouts, some with lights, some without, some raised, some level, some with matresses, some with just a pillar (kinky) in them. Wandering round them - the corridor goes round in a circle - I began thinking about the people lying in the rooms just waiting. I wanted filling (again) but was bored with walking. So I spots a room, goes in, purposely don't lock it (find out later that the door didn't lock anyway!) takes my towel off, and lies half on my side and commence fingering myself. The door is open ajar so anyone looking in can see what I'm up to. There's a small video screen just above the door showing two pretty twink-types fucking the shit out of each other. Nice.
Through the crack in the door I spot someone go past, a few seconds later he comes back and opens the door. I don't move. He comes in. I still don't move but look at him square on. It's clear what I want, he either gives it me or fucks off out. Plenty more about to fill his space (pardon the pun). He fumbles with the door trying to get it to lock then gives up. He kneals at the end of the matress. Greedily I go straight for the cock. It's already at half-mast but I want to know what it's going to be like before I get it into me. It's cut and dry so I grasp the head and top part of the shaft gently sqeezing it. I could have spat at it to make it slicker, I suppose, but I'm a lousy shot and would probably have got his leg (that's if it hit him at all). Only one thing to do - gobble! So I slick up his shaft with my saliva and am twisting my mouth and my hand around his tool. He's reached over and is slowly tugging at my erection. Something struck me about this guy. I could tell he was a student (intuition?) But something in my head said that this guy was straight and was more used to fucking girls than boys. I didn't care. I'd got a cock in my gob and was gonna get it up my arse whether he liked it or not! I couldn't put my finger on what it was. It could have been something as simple as the gentle way he handled me: I suppose I'm just not used to such a feather light touch.
I release him from my mouth buy continue to slide on his hard tool with my hand. It's normally at this point that the other party go and suck dick. This one was remained where he was still massaging my cock. Ah well! You always get one. Then he pipes up 'You want me to fuck you?'. 'You bet!' I reply. He was young (about my age), cute and his dick was nice. I figured he might be a pretty nice fuck. He looked around, there were no condoms so he popped out to get some - around this section in the corridor are little tubs with all the bits and pieces in. He came back and I assumed my usual doggy-style position. I heard the sound of the rubber as he covered himself up and the rustle as he rolled it down his shaft. He greased himself up and applied a layer to my entrance. The penetration was swift - thank god I'd already been opened up or this would have hurt. He went in balls deep straight off. After a moment he started shafting: tip to root, just the way I like it, nice and rhythmic. I think he liked the feel of it as well. Once or twice he'd speed up and hammer at me. Now I don't mind the occasional brief hammering. We fuck like this for a while with his hands on my hips pushing me forward as he pulls off and pulling me back as he pushes in.
He pulls out of me completely. How I hate that emptiness when the cock falls out or gets removed mid-fuck. 'You wanna lie on your back for me?' He asks. 'Yeah, I'll do that for a while'. I can't always do it this way and a lot depends on who is trying to fuck me. I lie down, get on to my back and raise my legs in the air. He comes in behind me and and I place my ankles on his shoulders. He has difficulty finding my hole so I grasp both my arse cheeks and pull them apart. This helps him get the head of his cock through my ring. He starts sliding in and out of me again. This feels nice. I observe that he's not a touching person. You know, feeling the body of the person you're screwing as you screw them. His position is upright and he's holding me to him by gripping the outside top of my thighs. I'm swinging my head from side to side 'cos he's pushing all the right buttons inside me, not concerned that he's not feeling me up. I'm just happy getting plugged! I have to stop him after a while as my feet become heavy and painful at that elevation. He pulls out and I ask him to let me sit on him. Sometimes it's nice for a 'bottom' to be in the driving seat(!)
He lies down and I position myself over him and line his cock head up with my ring. I gently lower myself onto him. I always find I get deeper penetration this way as well as being in control of how deep they go. I wrap my ankles behind his thighs. I was expecting him to let me do the work, no, he starts bucking up into me. Mmm, nice. He's using fast thrusts now, and really hammering away. I'm rubbing his sides and his nipples as he bangs at me, pushing myself full onto him every so often to I get a really deep bang. It's at this point that I notice he's has his eyes closed the entire time he's been screwing me. The speed of this thrusts start to increase and become more deliberate. I know he's about to cum so I gently squeeze around his cock with my arse. The added resistance helps push him forward and I feel his body trembling between my legs. With a whimper and a gasp he gives one final thrust, more like a lunge and I know for sure that he's blown his load. He's still got his eyes closed. It was good for him as well! I lean forward as is to kiss him a thank you, but then realise that he might not be up for that, so I just kiss his neck and thank him. I dismount and we do the usual 'see you around' things and then both go our separate ways.
I take a break from the cruising for a fag and some water. I'm sat in the rest area and some of the staff are near the serving counter. There's a tall slim guy, short dark hair with tatoos in a vest top. He keeps looking over at me. Fuck me is he fit! But I know he's working so he's not out to play!
Fag break over. Time to get cock! As part of my wanderings I notice that there is someone in one of the slings. He's occupied. On closer observation I see that someone has their fist up him and is in the process of swapping hands! The thought of someone fisting me is a complete turn off. Sometimes I have difficulty getting dick up there! But seeing someone else in that situation was very very horny. The fistee looked really relaxed and seemed to be enjoying the anal intrusion, the fister appeared to be quite professional and competent at what he was doing. I hung around for a while and watched. Then horniness got the better of me. Back to the darkroom.
It wasn't long before I saw action in there. A young guy, slim build, nice cock came over. I found it really strange though when I went down on him and took him in my mouth. He opened his towel but held it round him like what we were doing was private. Hello?!?!? This is a darkroom!! Never the less I continued for a while. He wasn't huge but had a nicely shaped cock. Then we swapped roles. Ooooh. Good cock sucker. Very nearly brought me off, but just kept me hanging. He came up for air and I asked him would he fuck me. 'I don't fuck!' he quipped and flounced off, almost as if he was insulted by my request. Ah well, takes all sorts. I hung around for a while. Nothing much special came in. But I needed to cum now. God knows what time it was, but I knew it was late.
I took a trip over to the slings. The fisters were still at it and the other sling was empty. If nothing else I knew I could get into the other sling and watch what was going on. If I happened to get a fuck at the same time... So I climb in and wait. There must be a trick to getting into those things easily and I know that I haven't got it! From the reclined position I was able to get a good look at the fisting by my side. This close it did look very horny, but not that horny that I was tempted to try it. Next that I know is that the guy who tried to fuck me through the darkroom glory hole is between my legs. Oh, go on then! Let's see if you have more success this way. He fumbles at me but I'm trying to pay more attention to the fisting action. He eventually manages to get inside me - I have to hold myself open for him. Honestly, I could only just feel it! A tall muscled guy walks round to my side of the sling frame, removes his towel and hangs it up. His dick is huge. My mouth starts to water. He feels my nipple then goes back to his cock. He gives me a grope and I reach out to touch his cock. It's warm, juicy and heavy. I'm now completely bored with the guy up my arse. He's doing nothing for me. Even him hanging on to my dick while he shafts me isn't doing it. So I tell him to let 'him' have a go, meaning the well tooled fella to my side. He exits me but stands close by. I indicate to the huge tool that I want him by pulling his meat and trying to guide him round the corner of the frame. He gets the picture. We start with him touching my arse and he fingers me. Yes, I'm open enough for him to get in. He goes for penetration, he's not quite hard enough so stands between my legs wanking himself rubbing his hand across my entrance. I reach around me to have a feel of his meat but he won't release it from his grasp. I start to stroke at my own dick. He has another attempt at penetration. This time successful and he goes all the way in. I'm filled to capacity and loving it! He gives a couple of thrusts and then pulls out. I'm disappointed as his departure from my arse, but pleased that he doesn't go away. He wanks a bit more and then penetrates me again. Same routine. I wonder what's going on. He does this a few more times then pulls out leaving the head just outside my ring, wanking furiously. Then he cums. I feel a wonderful warm sensation over my ring and my balls. With it all being shaved down there the warm liquid on my skin is like heaven and this sets me off. My fucker is gone, no where to be seen. His predecessor looks to be gearing himself up for another try, but I exit the sling before he gets chance.
I pass a clock on my way to clean up. It's well past midnight and I've got work in the morning. Home time. But I'm still horny and I know I'm walking home. At least I'll sleep tonight! Satisfied, but still wanting more. Greedy slut!!
Why the title of this post? Well I got a phone call from Kyle early the next morning. He and Mart had been out the night before and were still pissed up. They asked me what I'd been up to, so I told them. 'Oh, what you like?' chirrups Kyle, then mocking the SlimFast adverts: 'a big cock for breakfast, a big cock for lunch, then a shake before bed time! Oo very nice!'
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Sex Tips for the Boys
Got accosted by this 16 year old a few nights ago. There I was, at the computer, minding my own business when I get a message asking could he talk to me as he'd got some questions. Fine, I thought. I'll answer questions. I thought it was just going to be a message kinda thing. No he wanted to talk on MSN.
He'd seen one of my pictures with my latest instrument of torture (!) and wanted to know about cock and ball games. I became fascinated by cock rings some years ago and have a few simple ones: rubber and metal rings. I went out to do some 'shopping' a few weeks back when Michael was down and spotted this one, thought it was 'interesting' and decided to get it.
Took me about 15 minutes to get into it sat in the car before I came home. Blame it on the exhibitionist side of me. Didn't help that I had it on the wrong way round. Though it's not easy to work out which is the right and wrong way round! The body side is at the bottom of the picture (it's the biggest hole), balls go through the hole on the left and the cock through the hole on the right. Michael likes it, but refuses to have sex with me in it. He says it's alright to show off in - it looks pretty cool in a jock strap - but isn't sure about how practical it is for intercourse. It's sexy as hell to wear with an erection when it's seated right but it's a bitch to get on and off!
This is what is looks like after being put on
This one from fettered pleasures and costs £34.95 at the time of writing
Anyway. This lad obviously thinks I'm into kinky shit like ball torture. Sorry, but my balls are very sensitive and don't take too kindly to torture of any description. So we starts talking about things he could do because 'all i eva done is maturbate and jus wankin is boring.' He wants me to put a camera on so he can see what I'm trying to explain. I think this is a bad idea and decline the invitation.
So I'm explaining about teasing the ball sac down as he's cranking his meat. Seems he's into pain so I mentally visualise this 16 year old trying to pull his ball sac down round his knees. I'm half stoned so get a fit of the giggles. I didn't realise at the time that he's actually gonna be doing this shit as I explain it to him! It was only when I suggested that with the free fingers near his balls that he tries tickling and juggling them and he pipes up 'Mmm. I like that' that I realise this. Bearing in mind he's 16 and trying something new I'm trying to get him to go slowly with it so his body learns how to deal with it. I tell him that he should start pulling gently and then get rougher with it later - pulling really hard just before he cums. If you're into that sort of thing I believe it's very nice and makes the sensation even more intense, but I wouldn't know that. Even explain about tying boot laces or stacking small thick elastic bands around his balls. Couldn't do that sort of thing myself (ouch!) but visually it's nice to look at. I'm sure I once saw pictures of a guy who would dress his balls like that - really stretch them out, slip a condom over them and then shove it up his arse! The conversation lasts for about 45 minutes. It goes quiet near the end so I ask if he's still there. He is. He's doing alright says but his cock is red raw and 'needs my saliva to cool it off'. I appear to have done the trick with him and got him off big time.
He'd seen one of my pictures with my latest instrument of torture (!) and wanted to know about cock and ball games. I became fascinated by cock rings some years ago and have a few simple ones: rubber and metal rings. I went out to do some 'shopping' a few weeks back when Michael was down and spotted this one, thought it was 'interesting' and decided to get it.
Took me about 15 minutes to get into it sat in the car before I came home. Blame it on the exhibitionist side of me. Didn't help that I had it on the wrong way round. Though it's not easy to work out which is the right and wrong way round! The body side is at the bottom of the picture (it's the biggest hole), balls go through the hole on the left and the cock through the hole on the right. Michael likes it, but refuses to have sex with me in it. He says it's alright to show off in - it looks pretty cool in a jock strap - but isn't sure about how practical it is for intercourse. It's sexy as hell to wear with an erection when it's seated right but it's a bitch to get on and off!
This is what is looks like after being put on
This one from fettered pleasures and costs £34.95 at the time of writing
Anyway. This lad obviously thinks I'm into kinky shit like ball torture. Sorry, but my balls are very sensitive and don't take too kindly to torture of any description. So we starts talking about things he could do because 'all i eva done is maturbate and jus wankin is boring.' He wants me to put a camera on so he can see what I'm trying to explain. I think this is a bad idea and decline the invitation.
So I'm explaining about teasing the ball sac down as he's cranking his meat. Seems he's into pain so I mentally visualise this 16 year old trying to pull his ball sac down round his knees. I'm half stoned so get a fit of the giggles. I didn't realise at the time that he's actually gonna be doing this shit as I explain it to him! It was only when I suggested that with the free fingers near his balls that he tries tickling and juggling them and he pipes up 'Mmm. I like that' that I realise this. Bearing in mind he's 16 and trying something new I'm trying to get him to go slowly with it so his body learns how to deal with it. I tell him that he should start pulling gently and then get rougher with it later - pulling really hard just before he cums. If you're into that sort of thing I believe it's very nice and makes the sensation even more intense, but I wouldn't know that. Even explain about tying boot laces or stacking small thick elastic bands around his balls. Couldn't do that sort of thing myself (ouch!) but visually it's nice to look at. I'm sure I once saw pictures of a guy who would dress his balls like that - really stretch them out, slip a condom over them and then shove it up his arse! The conversation lasts for about 45 minutes. It goes quiet near the end so I ask if he's still there. He is. He's doing alright says but his cock is red raw and 'needs my saliva to cool it off'. I appear to have done the trick with him and got him off big time.
You Wanna Shake With That? Pt I
Think I'm feeling very sex starved! I didn't see Michael this weekend - we're both skint, completely skint. However, I did pay a visit to my local McDonalds last week (Wednesday and Thursday. Slut!!) Don't ever recall a time in my life when I've had a boyfriend and felt so horny.
I've been working on a major programming project this last fortnight. Don't want to be boring, but... we get packages of information which are bundled up in a .zip archive, but there is an xml file that says what is in the package and how it should be classified. We did have a tool that is supposed to read this xml file and present us with an index. However, the tool is, well, crap and can't work with the volume of data. After spending 5 hours trying to persuade this tool to work I gave up, very very pissed off and decided that the only solution was to write my own program. I'd not dealt with xml much before but decided to use vb.net to write the app as it's much more friendly with xml. Anyway, I'd had a good few days of programming - you know those days when everything just flows. So I decide I'm going to treat myself - a visit to McDonalds.
I'd never been during the day on in the week but thought I'd give it a shot anyway. I wasn't disappointed. Walked in, paid me money and got me kit off. As I always do I went for a wander to see what the talent was like. The place wasn't exactly busy, but it wasn't dead. Being honest there weren't many men in that I'd have chosen myself but there were a couple. The end of my wander always ends up in the darkroom. Pitch black and I had great difficulty seeing anything! It seemed to take ages for my eyes to adjust. Just as I was about able to focus two older men set up on me. One decided to go down on me while the other started touching me up and trying to pull my tit-ring - don't mind a little play with that but be too rough and I'll punch ya!! At one point it seemed like they were fighting between themselves as to who got control of me. Then they realised that it was better to work together. I had both their cocks in either hand and realised that they were both cut, average girth and average size. I'm not a size queen by any description but I like to have something to grab hold of. The one who had been mauling my tit tried to shove a finger up my arse. I let go of his cock and tapped his hand to let him know that I didn't want that. I don't have a problem with being fingered - I actually like it - but, you know, at least wet it or lube it up. But when it feels like a dry traffic cone on a summers day being forced up your shute it's not pleasant. He then asks me if I want to go to a room. Policy of mine: never go to a room too early, you never know what you're gonna miss coming in. I declined the invitation and decided to go for a wander.
I ended up in one of the video rooms just round from the darkroom. It's only a small room with a large flatscreen and raised seating on two levels either side. I was sat on the top level on one side and a nicely built guy, mid 30's was sat on the lower level opposite me. Because the seating is like a padded bench I stretch out. The porn that was on was crap, I watched a bit, but I wasn't there for the movie. The other guy kept looking across at me, his cock on show. Every so often he'd rearrange himself. I'd look through the corner of my eye. He was cute and fit, that kind of ex-military type body that does turn me on: defined and not overly hairy. I started to stroke slowly. He noticed and I observed that he started to rearrange himself more frequently. Looks like he had a nice cock as well. Another bloke came in, seriously not my type, he was more obvious about playing with himself and sat down the bench from my army guy. Think I missed my cue when my army guy got up, smiled and said 'see you later'. I just said 'hope so' and smiled back. He left. The other guy slid to where army guy had been sat. I stopped playing, but his stoking became more obvious so a few moment later I get up making sure I rearrange my towel in such a way that he sees nothing as I do it. Yeah, I can do the cheap thrill thing but why when they don't stand a chance? Why lead 'em on just to cruch em?
Another wander. I keep going over to where the slings are. Hmm, I think to myself. Maybe. Maybe today I will. Reverse and wander some more. Then I spot that there's a room with a sling in it. Years ago someone I know who loves sex in a sling told me that it's great fun but getting in and out can be a bitch. I wondered whether I should use this room to practice. Nah, fuck it. If I make a tit of myself trying to get in as long as I don't fall and hurt myself someone might take pity on me.
Back to the darkroom. There's about three other people in there. I always try and stand where I can see who's coming in and going out. A tall man comes in, walks round the perimeter and then stands in front of me. I always find this very confrontational and it can freak me a bit. A lot depends on what they do next. He put his left hand out against the wall, just to the side of my neck: barring my exit. His right he used to feel my chest and wander down my body. I reached out and found his tool, felt it through his towel. He was only semi-hard and I could tell that this was gonna be a thick one. He went under my towel and started to play with me, I reciprocated. He was taller than me and leant in to kiss me. Unless the guy turns me on completely I won't kiss. I turned my head and his kiss landed on my neck. I felt his body - it was solid - and then went to find the flesh of his meat. I wasn't disappointed. He slid his hand to gently play with my tit-ring, then he leant in to suckle on it. I like that! Very much!! I considered that my towel was getting in the way so I took it off and placed it over my shoulders. He took the cue, and proceeded to go down on me. Mmm he gave a nice blow job. I eased him off and he took the hint to suck my balls and lick the space between balls and legs. He stops and stands back up in front of me and grabs my cock. Now it's my time to squat and eat his pork sword.
I slide down the wall to a squat position. I've got his cocks full attention now. I was right, it was thick and massive - bigger than Michaels (sorry hun!). I start by licking the head. It's gonna take a bit to get this in my mouth. I coat the end in saliva just to make it a bit more manageable and then start to slowly swallow it in bit by bit. I'll bob for a bit, ease off and flick the tip, bob a bit more and then rub the top ball of my tongue bar on the underside. He's really getting off on it. He removes his towel and hangs it over his shoulder. Turning him on is really turning me on. I start sliding a hand over the remainder saliva coated shaft as I nosh him and start to knead his bollocks. I'm in heaven doing this and he's loving it. I then pull off, giving the very tip a kiss as I stand up. I let him kiss me now, just a little one and he whispers in my ear 'You wanna go find a room?' I let out a quiet laugh and say 'I'd love to mate, but you're too big for me!' He giggles back, hugs me, then licks his way down the middle of my chest and goes back to work on my cock. It was plain to see that he knew what he was doing with a cock. If someone is giving my cock a nice time I always like to return the favour so we swap roles. We've got a bit of a crowd growing round us by now and just as he enters my mouth there's another cock at the side waiting for attention. Sorry mate, you got to get in earlier to play that game with me! My tongue and mouth went to work on his organ, intensely working the flesh and sucking hard. I didn't want his juices but I wanted him to enjoy this. Then I let him do something I rarely do, I let him face fuck me. I always have to keep a hand at the base of the cock as I don't want to gag, fondling his balls and exploring the parts of his body I can reach with my other hand. Then it happened, I felt the first drops of cum on my tongue. Quickly I pulled him out and quietly spat the juice out of my mouth. His juice hit the wall behind me. He cleans himself off with his towel, picks me up, and hugs me. He says he'll see me later, I know I want to. I enjoyed that. He disappears.
I'm really turned on now. Disappointed that I wouldn't have been able to get that monster inside me, but completely horny and I want filling! Time to go for a wander, find some lube and a quiet place to 'open myself up'. As I wander I look into the rooms I pass. Some guys wanking, some (look like they're) asleep, some just face down with arses in the air waiting for an eager cock. Now I'd never do that! Would I? All the rooms are taken but I find some lube and make my way to the toilets. Always strikes me as strange that no cottaging takes place in this joint, but maybe that's just the sleazy side of me. Into a lock up, lube open, fingers in, fingers up, mmm. Wipe myself off, don't want to seem too eager. Now I'm ready!
So now I'm on a cock hunt. Back to the darkroom. In there I end up with this tall well build skinhead type. Skinheads remind me of scallies which is probably why I like them. He goes down on me and is expertly working me over, his fingers exploring my butt crack and a finger tip goes in. I've already got my hands on his head - I love the stubbly feel, always have - so I slide them to his neck and shoulders. Then my fingers catch his back. Eugh!! Stubble. This guy is supposed to have a hairy back and it's been shaved. Don't like hairy backs, a real turn off for me. I take my hands off and my dick goes limp. He realises and moves off.
There's another to take his place though. Slimmer and more my height. I prefer smooth skinned people and don't like body hair, but this lad has just enough on his chest not to set me off. We rub against each other. He's got a nice rock hard cock and it feels nice rubbing against mine. I go down on him. This is more of a manageable size and I decided that this is the cock I want to be the first inside me today. We swap roles. He's not very experienced with a cock in his mouth but he does ok. After getting me slicked up with his spit he turns round and backs towards me and guides my cock between his thighs. I get the impression that he wants me to fuck him. Don't think so. I thrust a little anyway, feeling his balls slide on the ridge of my cock. He reaches under to tickle the underside of my cock head. I ease him forward and move so he can get behind me. He slides behind me and starts rubbing against me. I rotate my hips so that my arse cheeks are stroking his cock. He's not getting the message, tell me I don't have to tell him! I reach behind me and guide his cock to my entrance and rub it there. I'm just about thinking he's getting the idea, he's got a condom and I hear him open the packet. But no, he tries to put the condom on me!! He's not experienced at doing this. Think he realises that I'm going soft with him attempting that and I become aware that he's also going soft.
He's still behind me and touching me up, but I know that this is as far as we're going to get with each other. I reach out and touch cock. This feels familiar. Guess what? It's the guy I've just blown off! He's rock hard again and ready for action. Condom-guy moves away and monster-nob moves into his place. He's obviously been watching and guides his tool to my entrance. I rub the head against my opening. I know it's not going to go in. I raise a leg and put my foot against the wall in the corner of the darkroom. He thrusts and I realise that it will fit, but not here, not without a condom and definately not without lube. He puts his arms around me, bangs his cock against me and licks the back of my neck. I want him and I want it now. 'Come on, let's get a room.' he says. I put my towel on and follow him out to find a room.
The room has only enough space to get in and is filled with a single matress. I go in first and get on the raised matress removing my towel as I go. He stands on the floor, closes the door and locks it. I watch as he reaches into the pot just inside the door and drops two packets of lube and two condoms onto the bed. He removes his towel and frees his manhood. Nice. No, 'nice' is not the word I'm looking for. Terrifying is more like it, but I'm hungry and horny and I want it. This could hurt I tell myself. He takes one condom out of the packet and I watch as he attempts to put it on. He gets it over his cock head and as he pulls it down it snaps. 'Oops!' I go. I sniggers and responds, 'erm, yes, it's big!!' I snigger back. If there had been any tension in the air this would have cut right through it. I realised that he was a really nice guy and that he was gonna make sure I enjoyed this and that he wouldn't hurt me.
He succeeded on the second attempt to rubber up and passed me a packet of lube. I opened it, squeezed some out and rubbed it over my entrance. Put a but more in my hand and rubbed it over the protective skin of his knob. I think my eyes widened as I did this, I now felt just how thick it was, and I'm sure my arsehole gasped. On all fours I turned round and offered my arse to him. He pressed my back down a bit and pressed his cock head to my entrance. This wasn't going to work in this position. So he pushed me further into the bed, climbed on the end and knelt behind me. Perfect. He lined himself up again and pushed. I relaxed and he managed to get the very end in. Neither of us were about to give up here, he smeared more lube over the rubber and against my ring and we attempted again. Success! He slowly guided himself into me
About half way in he stopped and asked me whether I was OK. I was in ecstacy. Yeah, he was stretching me wide, but I was loving it. I nodded and gasped to the affirmative. He pushed more in and I pushed back. I'm sure we got it all in. Then he started bucking. Oh my god!! This guy was good. He grasped my hips and pulled and pushed me in contrary motion to his fucking. With his length I knew he wasn't going to come out and I didn't want him to come out. I'd just started getting used to his rhythm and was contracting and relaxing in time with him when he changed pace. He eased my feet and knees further apart, bringing me lower towards the bed and getting more of him inside me. Then he started slamming into me. I seriously thought he was going to push my insides out through my mouth. Instinctively I reached for some lube and for my cock and started to stroke. I was enjoying this and didn't want to cum but knew that I would if I wanked too much. I relaxed my arms and pushed them forward so that my chest was practically against the matress. A thought went through my mind: I need to suck on something. But the only thing in front of me was black wall.
I gasped. Something inside moved. I felt a little discomfort but not enough to detract from the nice feelings I was getting. He stopped. 'You ok?' he asked, 'Yeah,' I replied, 'just full!'. He recommenced sliding into me. This time a bit slower and using the full length of his mammoth manhood. Now that kind of thing I like. I like to be able to feel every millimetre of the cock going in and out of me, if the thrusts are too fast sometimes it gets too intense for me and it can take my breath away. I raised my body up so my back was against his chest. I put my hands out to touch the side walls of the room. He slid his hands up from my hips to explore my chest, my nipples my neck. He kissed and started to nibble at my neck, put one arm around me to draw me close and used the other to grasp my bobbing cock. He started to slam into me again. I seized again, that discomfort again. He slowed. I knew he was near cumming and I wanted him to fill the rubber that separated us. He seemed concerned, but I assured him that I was alright. He continued and proceeded to fill me. I felt him expand in the rubber in my arse. I thought I was going to burst.
Slowly he withdrew and I turned to be side on to him. Out of instinct I put my hand behind me and felt my hole. I drew a finger over what used to be the tight entrance. Now it was a gash, but it felt nice, if a little raw. I looked at my finger, half expecting to see blood. There was non. I was pleased at that. I noticed then that we were both sweaty. I put my arms round him and gave him a peck on the cheek. 'You alright fella?' he enquired. 'Oh, yeah, fuckin excellent mate!' I giggled back. We hugged again. As he left the room he said 'see you around'. Too right mate, I think I said. Know that was what I thought.
It took a few moments to regain my composure before I left the room. I put the towel on as I left. Still trying to get control over my legs I nearly fell into two people who were milling around outside. Don't know what kind of noise we were making but the looks on the people around gave me the impressed that they knew I'd just had a right royal rogering, and that I'd enjoyed it. Remembering the discomfort I decided I better go to the toilet to investigate. I sat on the seat and felt around. Still no blood. My ring was raw, relaxed and ready for another pounding! I rubbed over my stomach and the intestine area - something Michael showed me - to try and move anything that was in there. A little fart came out. My discomfort was wind!!
Time for another wander and I ended up at the slings. The place has two and one was already occupied with a guy waiting for action. I clambered into the other. It thought to myself that I either give this a go now or I'll chicken out. He seemed a nice guy and spotted me climbing in. Think he could tell I was new to it. We started talking and he asked me whether I was into fisting or fucking. I told him fucking at that it was my first time in a sling, just wanted to see what it was like. 'I'll fuck you, if you want' he offered. I looked him over. He had a nice cock, it was semi (waiting for action) and his body was nice. 'Yeah, go on' I winked back. The chains rattled as he clambered out of his sling and he walked round. The slings are placed so that the two occupants are side by side facing in opposite directions. He rubbered up and applied lube to his cock. He put lube on my arse and commented on the fact that I was completely shaved. He liked that. I'll do you, and then my mate can do you if you want. I grinned. 'You want any poppers?' he asked. I declined. 'Fuck, you're a brave lad!' he exclaimed. No, I thought to myself, after what I've just had go through me... He lined himself up and went to penetrate me. He had difficulty finding my hole so I reached round and took his cock in my hand. I felt a PA through the condom. Hmm, I thought, I'm going to enjoy this one. So this was going to be two firsts: first time in a sling and first time having a pierced cock inside me. What and experience. Weightless and impailed I was definately going to enjoy this. He started moving. With each of his motions the chains of the sling rattled and swung away and then back towards him. He had hold of me so I couldn't swing away. He increased his pace and I could feel him sliding from tip to base inside me. Oh, it was fantastic. He started stroking my body as he fucked. His mate - the one who was intended to be my next 'ride' came behind him. I think he started fucking him as he was fucking me. There was an occasional slap as my fuckers mate slapped my fuckers arse. I was getting well horned up with this. The slaps got more intense and louder and my fucker started pushing deeper and faster into me. He gave my cock a few strokes and then released it to hold onto my thighs. I had to wank!! Again, we got a small audience round us. I could feel my orgasm building. 'Oh, I'm gonna cum' I screamed. 'Yeah' my fucker and his mate chorused. 'Yeah, go on, cum for me.' my fucker cried. A few more pounds from him and a few more strokes from me and I exploded. It went everywhere. I know my arse contracted as I came but I don't think he came. I let him continue for a while before 'cactus time' began and then said I had to get off. He exited me, and said I was good and gave me a huge hug. It was only then, close up in the half light that I noticed he was a really attractive lad. I'd definately let him do that to me again.
Time for me to go. Legs like jelly and head in a spin I cleaned myself off and went to go and join the real world. That was a nice couple of hours whiled away for Wednesday. But then there was Thursday...
I've been working on a major programming project this last fortnight. Don't want to be boring, but... we get packages of information which are bundled up in a .zip archive, but there is an xml file that says what is in the package and how it should be classified. We did have a tool that is supposed to read this xml file and present us with an index. However, the tool is, well, crap and can't work with the volume of data. After spending 5 hours trying to persuade this tool to work I gave up, very very pissed off and decided that the only solution was to write my own program. I'd not dealt with xml much before but decided to use vb.net to write the app as it's much more friendly with xml. Anyway, I'd had a good few days of programming - you know those days when everything just flows. So I decide I'm going to treat myself - a visit to McDonalds.
I'd never been during the day on in the week but thought I'd give it a shot anyway. I wasn't disappointed. Walked in, paid me money and got me kit off. As I always do I went for a wander to see what the talent was like. The place wasn't exactly busy, but it wasn't dead. Being honest there weren't many men in that I'd have chosen myself but there were a couple. The end of my wander always ends up in the darkroom. Pitch black and I had great difficulty seeing anything! It seemed to take ages for my eyes to adjust. Just as I was about able to focus two older men set up on me. One decided to go down on me while the other started touching me up and trying to pull my tit-ring - don't mind a little play with that but be too rough and I'll punch ya!! At one point it seemed like they were fighting between themselves as to who got control of me. Then they realised that it was better to work together. I had both their cocks in either hand and realised that they were both cut, average girth and average size. I'm not a size queen by any description but I like to have something to grab hold of. The one who had been mauling my tit tried to shove a finger up my arse. I let go of his cock and tapped his hand to let him know that I didn't want that. I don't have a problem with being fingered - I actually like it - but, you know, at least wet it or lube it up. But when it feels like a dry traffic cone on a summers day being forced up your shute it's not pleasant. He then asks me if I want to go to a room. Policy of mine: never go to a room too early, you never know what you're gonna miss coming in. I declined the invitation and decided to go for a wander.
I ended up in one of the video rooms just round from the darkroom. It's only a small room with a large flatscreen and raised seating on two levels either side. I was sat on the top level on one side and a nicely built guy, mid 30's was sat on the lower level opposite me. Because the seating is like a padded bench I stretch out. The porn that was on was crap, I watched a bit, but I wasn't there for the movie. The other guy kept looking across at me, his cock on show. Every so often he'd rearrange himself. I'd look through the corner of my eye. He was cute and fit, that kind of ex-military type body that does turn me on: defined and not overly hairy. I started to stroke slowly. He noticed and I observed that he started to rearrange himself more frequently. Looks like he had a nice cock as well. Another bloke came in, seriously not my type, he was more obvious about playing with himself and sat down the bench from my army guy. Think I missed my cue when my army guy got up, smiled and said 'see you later'. I just said 'hope so' and smiled back. He left. The other guy slid to where army guy had been sat. I stopped playing, but his stoking became more obvious so a few moment later I get up making sure I rearrange my towel in such a way that he sees nothing as I do it. Yeah, I can do the cheap thrill thing but why when they don't stand a chance? Why lead 'em on just to cruch em?
Another wander. I keep going over to where the slings are. Hmm, I think to myself. Maybe. Maybe today I will. Reverse and wander some more. Then I spot that there's a room with a sling in it. Years ago someone I know who loves sex in a sling told me that it's great fun but getting in and out can be a bitch. I wondered whether I should use this room to practice. Nah, fuck it. If I make a tit of myself trying to get in as long as I don't fall and hurt myself someone might take pity on me.
Back to the darkroom. There's about three other people in there. I always try and stand where I can see who's coming in and going out. A tall man comes in, walks round the perimeter and then stands in front of me. I always find this very confrontational and it can freak me a bit. A lot depends on what they do next. He put his left hand out against the wall, just to the side of my neck: barring my exit. His right he used to feel my chest and wander down my body. I reached out and found his tool, felt it through his towel. He was only semi-hard and I could tell that this was gonna be a thick one. He went under my towel and started to play with me, I reciprocated. He was taller than me and leant in to kiss me. Unless the guy turns me on completely I won't kiss. I turned my head and his kiss landed on my neck. I felt his body - it was solid - and then went to find the flesh of his meat. I wasn't disappointed. He slid his hand to gently play with my tit-ring, then he leant in to suckle on it. I like that! Very much!! I considered that my towel was getting in the way so I took it off and placed it over my shoulders. He took the cue, and proceeded to go down on me. Mmm he gave a nice blow job. I eased him off and he took the hint to suck my balls and lick the space between balls and legs. He stops and stands back up in front of me and grabs my cock. Now it's my time to squat and eat his pork sword.
I slide down the wall to a squat position. I've got his cocks full attention now. I was right, it was thick and massive - bigger than Michaels (sorry hun!). I start by licking the head. It's gonna take a bit to get this in my mouth. I coat the end in saliva just to make it a bit more manageable and then start to slowly swallow it in bit by bit. I'll bob for a bit, ease off and flick the tip, bob a bit more and then rub the top ball of my tongue bar on the underside. He's really getting off on it. He removes his towel and hangs it over his shoulder. Turning him on is really turning me on. I start sliding a hand over the remainder saliva coated shaft as I nosh him and start to knead his bollocks. I'm in heaven doing this and he's loving it. I then pull off, giving the very tip a kiss as I stand up. I let him kiss me now, just a little one and he whispers in my ear 'You wanna go find a room?' I let out a quiet laugh and say 'I'd love to mate, but you're too big for me!' He giggles back, hugs me, then licks his way down the middle of my chest and goes back to work on my cock. It was plain to see that he knew what he was doing with a cock. If someone is giving my cock a nice time I always like to return the favour so we swap roles. We've got a bit of a crowd growing round us by now and just as he enters my mouth there's another cock at the side waiting for attention. Sorry mate, you got to get in earlier to play that game with me! My tongue and mouth went to work on his organ, intensely working the flesh and sucking hard. I didn't want his juices but I wanted him to enjoy this. Then I let him do something I rarely do, I let him face fuck me. I always have to keep a hand at the base of the cock as I don't want to gag, fondling his balls and exploring the parts of his body I can reach with my other hand. Then it happened, I felt the first drops of cum on my tongue. Quickly I pulled him out and quietly spat the juice out of my mouth. His juice hit the wall behind me. He cleans himself off with his towel, picks me up, and hugs me. He says he'll see me later, I know I want to. I enjoyed that. He disappears.
I'm really turned on now. Disappointed that I wouldn't have been able to get that monster inside me, but completely horny and I want filling! Time to go for a wander, find some lube and a quiet place to 'open myself up'. As I wander I look into the rooms I pass. Some guys wanking, some (look like they're) asleep, some just face down with arses in the air waiting for an eager cock. Now I'd never do that! Would I? All the rooms are taken but I find some lube and make my way to the toilets. Always strikes me as strange that no cottaging takes place in this joint, but maybe that's just the sleazy side of me. Into a lock up, lube open, fingers in, fingers up, mmm. Wipe myself off, don't want to seem too eager. Now I'm ready!
So now I'm on a cock hunt. Back to the darkroom. In there I end up with this tall well build skinhead type. Skinheads remind me of scallies which is probably why I like them. He goes down on me and is expertly working me over, his fingers exploring my butt crack and a finger tip goes in. I've already got my hands on his head - I love the stubbly feel, always have - so I slide them to his neck and shoulders. Then my fingers catch his back. Eugh!! Stubble. This guy is supposed to have a hairy back and it's been shaved. Don't like hairy backs, a real turn off for me. I take my hands off and my dick goes limp. He realises and moves off.
There's another to take his place though. Slimmer and more my height. I prefer smooth skinned people and don't like body hair, but this lad has just enough on his chest not to set me off. We rub against each other. He's got a nice rock hard cock and it feels nice rubbing against mine. I go down on him. This is more of a manageable size and I decided that this is the cock I want to be the first inside me today. We swap roles. He's not very experienced with a cock in his mouth but he does ok. After getting me slicked up with his spit he turns round and backs towards me and guides my cock between his thighs. I get the impression that he wants me to fuck him. Don't think so. I thrust a little anyway, feeling his balls slide on the ridge of my cock. He reaches under to tickle the underside of my cock head. I ease him forward and move so he can get behind me. He slides behind me and starts rubbing against me. I rotate my hips so that my arse cheeks are stroking his cock. He's not getting the message, tell me I don't have to tell him! I reach behind me and guide his cock to my entrance and rub it there. I'm just about thinking he's getting the idea, he's got a condom and I hear him open the packet. But no, he tries to put the condom on me!! He's not experienced at doing this. Think he realises that I'm going soft with him attempting that and I become aware that he's also going soft.
He's still behind me and touching me up, but I know that this is as far as we're going to get with each other. I reach out and touch cock. This feels familiar. Guess what? It's the guy I've just blown off! He's rock hard again and ready for action. Condom-guy moves away and monster-nob moves into his place. He's obviously been watching and guides his tool to my entrance. I rub the head against my opening. I know it's not going to go in. I raise a leg and put my foot against the wall in the corner of the darkroom. He thrusts and I realise that it will fit, but not here, not without a condom and definately not without lube. He puts his arms around me, bangs his cock against me and licks the back of my neck. I want him and I want it now. 'Come on, let's get a room.' he says. I put my towel on and follow him out to find a room.
The room has only enough space to get in and is filled with a single matress. I go in first and get on the raised matress removing my towel as I go. He stands on the floor, closes the door and locks it. I watch as he reaches into the pot just inside the door and drops two packets of lube and two condoms onto the bed. He removes his towel and frees his manhood. Nice. No, 'nice' is not the word I'm looking for. Terrifying is more like it, but I'm hungry and horny and I want it. This could hurt I tell myself. He takes one condom out of the packet and I watch as he attempts to put it on. He gets it over his cock head and as he pulls it down it snaps. 'Oops!' I go. I sniggers and responds, 'erm, yes, it's big!!' I snigger back. If there had been any tension in the air this would have cut right through it. I realised that he was a really nice guy and that he was gonna make sure I enjoyed this and that he wouldn't hurt me.
He succeeded on the second attempt to rubber up and passed me a packet of lube. I opened it, squeezed some out and rubbed it over my entrance. Put a but more in my hand and rubbed it over the protective skin of his knob. I think my eyes widened as I did this, I now felt just how thick it was, and I'm sure my arsehole gasped. On all fours I turned round and offered my arse to him. He pressed my back down a bit and pressed his cock head to my entrance. This wasn't going to work in this position. So he pushed me further into the bed, climbed on the end and knelt behind me. Perfect. He lined himself up again and pushed. I relaxed and he managed to get the very end in. Neither of us were about to give up here, he smeared more lube over the rubber and against my ring and we attempted again. Success! He slowly guided himself into me
About half way in he stopped and asked me whether I was OK. I was in ecstacy. Yeah, he was stretching me wide, but I was loving it. I nodded and gasped to the affirmative. He pushed more in and I pushed back. I'm sure we got it all in. Then he started bucking. Oh my god!! This guy was good. He grasped my hips and pulled and pushed me in contrary motion to his fucking. With his length I knew he wasn't going to come out and I didn't want him to come out. I'd just started getting used to his rhythm and was contracting and relaxing in time with him when he changed pace. He eased my feet and knees further apart, bringing me lower towards the bed and getting more of him inside me. Then he started slamming into me. I seriously thought he was going to push my insides out through my mouth. Instinctively I reached for some lube and for my cock and started to stroke. I was enjoying this and didn't want to cum but knew that I would if I wanked too much. I relaxed my arms and pushed them forward so that my chest was practically against the matress. A thought went through my mind: I need to suck on something. But the only thing in front of me was black wall.
I gasped. Something inside moved. I felt a little discomfort but not enough to detract from the nice feelings I was getting. He stopped. 'You ok?' he asked, 'Yeah,' I replied, 'just full!'. He recommenced sliding into me. This time a bit slower and using the full length of his mammoth manhood. Now that kind of thing I like. I like to be able to feel every millimetre of the cock going in and out of me, if the thrusts are too fast sometimes it gets too intense for me and it can take my breath away. I raised my body up so my back was against his chest. I put my hands out to touch the side walls of the room. He slid his hands up from my hips to explore my chest, my nipples my neck. He kissed and started to nibble at my neck, put one arm around me to draw me close and used the other to grasp my bobbing cock. He started to slam into me again. I seized again, that discomfort again. He slowed. I knew he was near cumming and I wanted him to fill the rubber that separated us. He seemed concerned, but I assured him that I was alright. He continued and proceeded to fill me. I felt him expand in the rubber in my arse. I thought I was going to burst.
Slowly he withdrew and I turned to be side on to him. Out of instinct I put my hand behind me and felt my hole. I drew a finger over what used to be the tight entrance. Now it was a gash, but it felt nice, if a little raw. I looked at my finger, half expecting to see blood. There was non. I was pleased at that. I noticed then that we were both sweaty. I put my arms round him and gave him a peck on the cheek. 'You alright fella?' he enquired. 'Oh, yeah, fuckin excellent mate!' I giggled back. We hugged again. As he left the room he said 'see you around'. Too right mate, I think I said. Know that was what I thought.
It took a few moments to regain my composure before I left the room. I put the towel on as I left. Still trying to get control over my legs I nearly fell into two people who were milling around outside. Don't know what kind of noise we were making but the looks on the people around gave me the impressed that they knew I'd just had a right royal rogering, and that I'd enjoyed it. Remembering the discomfort I decided I better go to the toilet to investigate. I sat on the seat and felt around. Still no blood. My ring was raw, relaxed and ready for another pounding! I rubbed over my stomach and the intestine area - something Michael showed me - to try and move anything that was in there. A little fart came out. My discomfort was wind!!
Time for another wander and I ended up at the slings. The place has two and one was already occupied with a guy waiting for action. I clambered into the other. It thought to myself that I either give this a go now or I'll chicken out. He seemed a nice guy and spotted me climbing in. Think he could tell I was new to it. We started talking and he asked me whether I was into fisting or fucking. I told him fucking at that it was my first time in a sling, just wanted to see what it was like. 'I'll fuck you, if you want' he offered. I looked him over. He had a nice cock, it was semi (waiting for action) and his body was nice. 'Yeah, go on' I winked back. The chains rattled as he clambered out of his sling and he walked round. The slings are placed so that the two occupants are side by side facing in opposite directions. He rubbered up and applied lube to his cock. He put lube on my arse and commented on the fact that I was completely shaved. He liked that. I'll do you, and then my mate can do you if you want. I grinned. 'You want any poppers?' he asked. I declined. 'Fuck, you're a brave lad!' he exclaimed. No, I thought to myself, after what I've just had go through me... He lined himself up and went to penetrate me. He had difficulty finding my hole so I reached round and took his cock in my hand. I felt a PA through the condom. Hmm, I thought, I'm going to enjoy this one. So this was going to be two firsts: first time in a sling and first time having a pierced cock inside me. What and experience. Weightless and impailed I was definately going to enjoy this. He started moving. With each of his motions the chains of the sling rattled and swung away and then back towards him. He had hold of me so I couldn't swing away. He increased his pace and I could feel him sliding from tip to base inside me. Oh, it was fantastic. He started stroking my body as he fucked. His mate - the one who was intended to be my next 'ride' came behind him. I think he started fucking him as he was fucking me. There was an occasional slap as my fuckers mate slapped my fuckers arse. I was getting well horned up with this. The slaps got more intense and louder and my fucker started pushing deeper and faster into me. He gave my cock a few strokes and then released it to hold onto my thighs. I had to wank!! Again, we got a small audience round us. I could feel my orgasm building. 'Oh, I'm gonna cum' I screamed. 'Yeah' my fucker and his mate chorused. 'Yeah, go on, cum for me.' my fucker cried. A few more pounds from him and a few more strokes from me and I exploded. It went everywhere. I know my arse contracted as I came but I don't think he came. I let him continue for a while before 'cactus time' began and then said I had to get off. He exited me, and said I was good and gave me a huge hug. It was only then, close up in the half light that I noticed he was a really attractive lad. I'd definately let him do that to me again.
Time for me to go. Legs like jelly and head in a spin I cleaned myself off and went to go and join the real world. That was a nice couple of hours whiled away for Wednesday. But then there was Thursday...
Monday, November 08, 2004
So Call Me A 'Net Slut Then
It's no secret that there's a strange link between gay men, sex, and the Internet. If it weren't for this link - that's been around for as long as I've been connected - sites like Gaydar wouldn't be as popular as they are.
There is a reason for where my head is going with this, but I'm not about to disclose it just yet. I've found myself almost obsessed with trying to score on the Internet. A couple of posts back saw me ranting about some pet hates with Gaydar. I know I have issues with it and know it can be compulsive. Used to have a friend that was completely computer illiterate (I mean completely) until he discovered Easy Everything, the Internet cafe, and Gaydar. He got the nickname 'fuckme.com' 'cos all he did was log into gaydar and see how many shags he could get every day. If I remember rightly his record was five but he lost most of his 'real' friends in the process. And he had the cheek to say that I was 'boring' because I wouldn't play his game despite being in an IT-based job.
Anyway, I decided to update my profile on Gaydar. The text was ok, but needed improving even though I hate having to write about myself to sell myself. I looked at the pictures and remembered taking them with a crappy webcam from work. I had a lot of fun at the time, but now they look old, cheap and, well, crap! So I gets hold of the newer webcam that I'm trialling for work and decide to update the picture stock. The new pics work. I got over 200 visits to the profile on the first day so I'm very pleased with myself. Haven't got any sex from it yet, but I've had more than a few offers. Most I've actually said I will take up in the future but circumstances have been a bit prohibitive.
I've found another site that offers a similar service to Gaydar: fitlads.net. Now the build quality ain't as professional as Gaydar but it doesn't need to be. The whole idea of both sites is to connect (pardon the pun) one gay man to one or more other gay men. It has a nice 'home grown' feel to it that appeals to me - and doesn't blow it's own trumpet in the way that gaydar does. Also I've noticed that people appear to be much more honest in their profiles, but then the guys who use the site appear to be much more realistic than the multicoloured shower of fairies you'll find inhabiting Gaydar. It's no secret that I like my scallies and this site is full of them. Heaven **sigh** Fitlads.net is full of, well, it's in the name: fit lads! Ok, you do get the odd dog and wierdo but that's what makes it like real life.
Have I scored yet? Not quite. But I got a bloke in Scotland who is keen to get with me, and a very nice Essex lad (with a very interesting kinky streak) who I get a feeling I'll probably meet up with one day. They're both down to earth but that could even be the culture differences in our surroundings.
Nearly scored on Saturday with a bloke on the outskirts of Manchester - who was prepared to come and pick me up - who I blew out for a guy who lived closer, who in turn blew me out. Hmm. I hate being this horny!!
One thing I have discovered is that I enjoy playing around with my identity and visual appearance. The old Gaydar pics never used to turn me on at all. The new ones I've done even I think are pretty fucking hot and all the comments I've had back tend to agree. One fella said I was hot but too thin for him. I was tempted to tell him that I don't break easily but didn't want to seem desperate.
I've never been lucky at online dating. Prior to this I'd only ever had one concrete arrangement to meet a lad from Gaydar. He emailed me a very nice picture - gorgeous body and chest in dark tracky-bottoms - and we arranged to meet the following night. He never showed. So maybe this time I'll strike lucky.
One question, and maybe a word of warning. I'm getting numerous messages asking whether I'm interested in fucking bareback. Aparently having the response 'sometimes' to the safe sex question is what's generating this. I've already told one user (and blocked him) to fuck right off after asking me whether I wanted to do bareback rent for him. Cheeky twat!!
Anyway. Teaser time. Been a long time since I put a picture of me on here - been a long time since I've done anything on here! So here's one that I like:
There is another one that I thought of putting on here, but then most people tell me that I spend too much time talking out of my arse to make such a big point of it.
There is a reason for where my head is going with this, but I'm not about to disclose it just yet. I've found myself almost obsessed with trying to score on the Internet. A couple of posts back saw me ranting about some pet hates with Gaydar. I know I have issues with it and know it can be compulsive. Used to have a friend that was completely computer illiterate (I mean completely) until he discovered Easy Everything, the Internet cafe, and Gaydar. He got the nickname 'fuckme.com' 'cos all he did was log into gaydar and see how many shags he could get every day. If I remember rightly his record was five but he lost most of his 'real' friends in the process. And he had the cheek to say that I was 'boring' because I wouldn't play his game despite being in an IT-based job.
Anyway, I decided to update my profile on Gaydar. The text was ok, but needed improving even though I hate having to write about myself to sell myself. I looked at the pictures and remembered taking them with a crappy webcam from work. I had a lot of fun at the time, but now they look old, cheap and, well, crap! So I gets hold of the newer webcam that I'm trialling for work and decide to update the picture stock. The new pics work. I got over 200 visits to the profile on the first day so I'm very pleased with myself. Haven't got any sex from it yet, but I've had more than a few offers. Most I've actually said I will take up in the future but circumstances have been a bit prohibitive.
I've found another site that offers a similar service to Gaydar: fitlads.net. Now the build quality ain't as professional as Gaydar but it doesn't need to be. The whole idea of both sites is to connect (pardon the pun) one gay man to one or more other gay men. It has a nice 'home grown' feel to it that appeals to me - and doesn't blow it's own trumpet in the way that gaydar does. Also I've noticed that people appear to be much more honest in their profiles, but then the guys who use the site appear to be much more realistic than the multicoloured shower of fairies you'll find inhabiting Gaydar. It's no secret that I like my scallies and this site is full of them. Heaven **sigh** Fitlads.net is full of, well, it's in the name: fit lads! Ok, you do get the odd dog and wierdo but that's what makes it like real life.
Have I scored yet? Not quite. But I got a bloke in Scotland who is keen to get with me, and a very nice Essex lad (with a very interesting kinky streak) who I get a feeling I'll probably meet up with one day. They're both down to earth but that could even be the culture differences in our surroundings.
Nearly scored on Saturday with a bloke on the outskirts of Manchester - who was prepared to come and pick me up - who I blew out for a guy who lived closer, who in turn blew me out. Hmm. I hate being this horny!!
One thing I have discovered is that I enjoy playing around with my identity and visual appearance. The old Gaydar pics never used to turn me on at all. The new ones I've done even I think are pretty fucking hot and all the comments I've had back tend to agree. One fella said I was hot but too thin for him. I was tempted to tell him that I don't break easily but didn't want to seem desperate.
I've never been lucky at online dating. Prior to this I'd only ever had one concrete arrangement to meet a lad from Gaydar. He emailed me a very nice picture - gorgeous body and chest in dark tracky-bottoms - and we arranged to meet the following night. He never showed. So maybe this time I'll strike lucky.
One question, and maybe a word of warning. I'm getting numerous messages asking whether I'm interested in fucking bareback. Aparently having the response 'sometimes' to the safe sex question is what's generating this. I've already told one user (and blocked him) to fuck right off after asking me whether I wanted to do bareback rent for him. Cheeky twat!!
Anyway. Teaser time. Been a long time since I put a picture of me on here - been a long time since I've done anything on here! So here's one that I like:
There is another one that I thought of putting on here, but then most people tell me that I spend too much time talking out of my arse to make such a big point of it.
Alright Alright I Give Up!!
OK. Pressure of work and very hectic personal and social life are my key reasons for being away for so long. Sorry guys. I've been having a lot of fun living and just not giving myself chance to write about it all. Naughty Homeboi, naughty!!
So I've given up on trying to complete the Mardi Gras story. You ain't gonna wait until Christmas just to find out what happens at the end and what's happened between then and now. Suppose I was fooling myself thinking that I'd be able to catch up with myself. But, hey, we can all dream can't we?
In a nutshell, then:
So I've given up on trying to complete the Mardi Gras story. You ain't gonna wait until Christmas just to find out what happens at the end and what's happened between then and now. Suppose I was fooling myself thinking that I'd be able to catch up with myself. But, hey, we can all dream can't we?
In a nutshell, then:
- Yes, me and Michael got together on the last day of Mardi Gras. We're very happy and I really do love him to pieces. With me being in Manchester and him not living up here it's a bit of a long-distance thing but it's working alright. Apart from the times when I miss him like hell (such as now). He has his life, I have my life, we come together and it's great. I know he's not gonna be an angel and he sure as shit knows that I wont but that's cool for both of us. I even got a ring (for my finger, purlease!!) from him. Think he knew that it was this weekend or never.
- That Monday, Michael gives boyf a massage before we go out. boyf is terrified of Michael, it's his 'full on' nature. I find this hillarious. We get back later, Michael completes the massage asking whether he can lick boys arse. boyf says 'no' but is in no position to argue if Michael had wanted to. We send boyf to bed.
- Me, Mart and Michael are still awake. Mart gets a massage and loves it. I don't want on, I'm feeling pretty good anyway, but we're all naked by this point in time. I'm in the middle of having a conversation with Mart when Michael decides he's gonna suck my cock. It takes a moment for all of our respective senses to realise what is going on. Mart stares wide-eyed, I'm only just capable of speech but I don't want the conversation or the blow job to stop. Filthy slut, I iknow!! (boyf ends up being convinced that something happened between the three of us)
- John and Chrissy are still not together. They speak sometimes but it always causes friction between them. Chrissy got a new fella (and Chrissy cheated on him within the first week). Michael tried mediating things between John and Chrissy to try and get Chrissy's problems sorted out. He gave up!
- We went out a week after getting together and picked up a lad, Scott. It wasn't intentional it just kinda happened but we're both cool with the group sex thing anyway.
- The three of us ended up having sex in the local park near me. We decided that because we were all feeling a bit rough that a bit of air would do us some good. So out we go in shorts and t-shirts for a walk. I'd already found out that Scott liked outdoor sex and I've done it, ahem, a few times before. And with the three of us perving over each others arses, and the remnants of the previous night's drugs we all got to being very very horny. Into the bushes, I end up getting stripped off (surprise, surprise) and we have a very horny time. Only we're disturbed by some local scally's taking a short cut from one path to another through our bushes. Fortunately they don't see us - I mean, how would you explain one naked guy and two others with their shorts round their ankles all with throbbing hard-ons? So we dress, get out, go home, and spend the next three hours having rampant sex.
- I fuck Michael that night - just had the urge (probably due to the one remaining pill that we crushed and shared between us). He knows about my problem with all that, but said that next time I felt that urge he wouldn't be inclined to stop me! I tried fucking Scotty but I was a bit too big for him. Also got to see Michael fucking Scott. Man that was well horny. Seeing my fella bone another lad. Seeing on someone else how he makes me feel. Seeing his huge cock sliding up someone else. Oh, I never thought that would be such a turn on. Now I know why Michael got off on seeing me screw Ben. Michael ends up with a picture on his phone of me eating Scotts arse out. Not something I do very often at all, never been keen on doing it, but it just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.
- We introduce Scotty to Mart. The two of them become very attracted to each other. So much so that Mart decides he's had enough of boyf - they'd been arguing pretty much constantly for a while anyway. Mart ditches boyf and chooses Scotty. But there's a whole lot of subtefuge because it can't be seen that Mart has ditched boyf for Scott.
- Pete finds out that I'm seeing Michael. He'd kinda guessed that would happen and took it pretty well. He's happy that I've got someone who makes me happy. The two of them haven't met 'formally'. That may take some time to work out. Pete wasn't keen about them meeting as it 'would be difficult' and Michael would like to meet him if only to smash his face in! As Michael says 'I don't know why you won't let us meet each other!!'
- Pete brings boyf over to mine so we can have a drink and try and buck his spirits up. Scotty is there and boyf makes a pass at him. Big mistake as this gets back to Mart. You know the story about fuel and the fire? Sure you can guess the rest... boyf gets taken to the spare room, Pete ends up sleeping downstairs (alcohol confusing the reasons to him why Scott is sleeping in my bed). None of us have sex that night - far too pissed.
- Mart throws boyf out. Scott moves in. Scott finds he can't go home - some shit with his Mother.
- A plan is formed for Scott, Mart and Me to spend the weekend at Michaels. We get some of the loverly pills we got for Mardi Gras for the weekend. During the hand over Michael (and John, who's with us) pick up a young lad, Steven. He ends up joining us for the weekend.
- Michael and I go out one night for a 'quiet one'. HEEEELLLLLOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!! We get rather pissed - he's force feeding me vodka - and share a very loaded spliff. After terrorising bar staff in most of the places in the village we decide to have one more drink and go home for a good fucking. On the way into Thompsons we bump into boyf on his way out. He ends up joining us for a drink (or three).
- boyf comes back home with us. Back at home the three of us end up naked and playing around. To be honest, all three of us are two pissed to do anything serious. Also, we'd been tidying my bedroom and broke one of the supports under my bed so there was no way that three of us were gonna be able to have sex in my bed. Sleeping was fine - we all slept together - but fucking was out.
- Three of us go to the station so Michael could get his train home. boyf and I go back to mine - we're still wasted from the previous night. Half way through a cup of coffee he puts his head on my lap. The horniness from the previous night kicks in - we didn't have sex when we woke up - and I spring a right boner. boyf ends up getting jiggy with it. Then we're both naked: kissing, stroking, sucking and touching each other. I really wanted fucking, but just the thought of it with boyf seemed strange - he later revealed the same feelings. I end up eating his arse out for a while (don't ask me why, it's not in my bag of tricks) while we both wank. Then I finger fuck him to orgasm.
- boyf leaves to meet Kyle. I get ready for work. I'm still dazed from what happened. During the day, boyf tells Kyle what we've been up to. The message gets to Mart.
- Mart and I have a falling out. Not specifically because of what I've done, but because he heard it from someone else. Remember, Mart and I have kept practically nothing from each other for many many many months. He felt a bit cheated. I ended up feeling very bad about the whole affair. I felt cheated as well as boyf had made me promise that what happened would go no further. I stuck to my end of the bargain.
- Mart and Scott have a row - Mart had a bad day and the thing with me and boyf was just the icing on the cake. It all comes out in the open that Mart and I have slept with each other as well as me going with boyf. This causes mega shit with me and Pete.
- Things just start getting better when boyf starts shit stiring about things I've supposed to have said. I hit the roof. I'd nearly had enough. Almost lost the one person in my life who knew how my life was going, the one person I trusted with so many private thoughts and who I cared for very deeply (Mart). Very nearly said 'fuck' to the lot of it and got out of Manchester for good.
- Mart and I have this 'Mother - Daughter'-type relationship that we'd cultivated over the time we'd known each other. It was strong between us and a bond I didn't know how much I relied on until I almost lost it. I know it was my dick that nearly shattered that completely. I finally got it through that I regretted what I'd done. Mart and I are back on speaking terms and things are slowly coming back to normal. Don't know how Mart feels, but I always feel that something is missing now and I can't put my finger on it.
- Word has got around that I'd much sooner separate boyf's breath and head from his body than have any contact with him. Mart and he are only just on speaking terms. And I don't think that is gonna change.
- Scotty ends up living with me for a while - he had no where else to go and I'd bonded with him like I did with Mart. You could say I ended up with another daughter! It was funny. I'd said for so long that I didn't want to live with anyone. I couldn't be doing with anyone sharing the house with me, and then I open up my heart and my home to Scott.
- Something went wrong, really not sure what, but Scott ends up disappearing. He went out to do some errands (for himself) and never came back. Maybe he wasn't happy with the arse, cock and ball shaving I did for him the previous night, or maybe it was because I rode his cock that night as a way of saying 'thank you'. Either way, I really miss him. Suppose it's the closest I'll get to having your own kid leave home. I know he was screwed up at the time - he'd been diagnosed HIV+ while he was living with me (nothing at all to do with either Michael or myself). I knew I wanted to help him understand. Maybe that's why I felt so protective with him, perhaps over protective. I only wanted to help, give him a smoother ride than I thought I'd had. Probably didn't help that Pete was well into him!!
So that's where we all are now. I know I've missed so much out in that quick overview. I'll just have to fill in the blanks as and when they arise.
God, it's good to be back!