Homeboi's Diary

It's been a funny old week. Lots of mixed messages about me and having a car. Let's go through them:-
Tuesday: Chris couldn't get the bonnet of the car open to try and fit the battery.
Wednesday: A van reverses into the back side of the bus that I'm on going to work. Later a fight breaks out on the bus that's taking me home from work.
Thursday: I try and fit the battery but am halted by rusty nuts.
Friday: Another near bus accident as someone tries to drive into the side of it on the way to work. Then my journey home (on the bus back from Halfords) is hampered by an accident on the route. Fortunately it was further up from me. Still took me the usual three hours to get back from the office, and that included getting a lift from the office to Halfords.

But. At last. Socket set in hand, I manage to fit the battery. Job was a piece of piss, actually. Open the door and the interior light comes on. The radio is flashing like fuck, but that was only cos it didn't know what time it was.

So the final test. Does the engine start? Too right does!!

Gloria's Back in Business!!!

It can't be that hard to change a car battery. Can it?

I mean, I know that Chris had no joy getting the bonnet open, but once that's done it's plain sailing. Isn't it?

Heh heh! Wrong!!

Well I managed to get the bonnet open. Little help from the car jack under the release lever while I tugged at the front of the car. Sorted.

Managed to remove the battery contacts, in the correct order (yea I know the thing is flat, but still best to follow instructions).



That was the easy part. But you see that black strap over the top of the battery? Well that's anchored on the left hand side with a bolt. The bolt goes through a metal plate, which helps to keep the battery secured, and also through a hole on the lower lip of the battery. No problem, I thought. I've got a socket set. Heh heh. No such luck. The important parts of my socket set are missing. Ok, I'll call off at the local garage, they're sure to have a cheapish socket set, I thought. I looked, and I asked, and if a question mark could be expressed facially, then that was my response. But it is a change from me asking where the Coke is!

So I'm stumped by a bloody rusty bolt. And I was doing so well.



So tomorrow I've got to have a think of where I can obtain a socket set. Halfords is an option, but that means taking the 3-hour journey home so I wont feel like pissing around with it when I get home. And to be honest I'd much rather get the thing sorted out tomorrow and spend the weekend doing something more constructive. Like cleaning it (it hasn't been washed since last October). She's very very grubby.

Though for a 9 year old car, the engine itself is relatively clean.



But what the fuck do I know about car engines? I know the red thing at the front is the dip-stick (he he, now that sounds like a sexual reference if ever there was one), and I put oil in under the black cap on top of that silver bit. Other than that '?????????????'

Somehow this morning I managed to lose an hour of my life. I was on my way to work, but I arrived an hour later than I thought I would. Really don't know what happened.

But it made me think about some of the things I've lost through depression:-
I lost my confidence,
my sex drive (and sex life for a while),
my boyfriend,
my memory,
my mind,
my ability to drive without fear of causing harm,
the capability to juggle multiple tasks at once,
the desire to plan ahead,
the ability to recognise the difference between rational and irrational thoughts.

There's probably more that I could add to that list. It's nine months on from the very worst of it all, and I know it's always there. Like the bogyman who hides in the cupboard under the stairs, you never see him but you know damn well he's there and watching you.

Life is better now. There's good days and bad days. And days when I realise too late that I should have stayed in bed after all.

Bless him. Got a text message off Chris to tell me that he was sorry for not getting the new battery into the car. He tried, but couldn't manage to get the bonnet open.

I'd forgotten that it takes two people to open the bonnet on that thing. Ah well. Something to do another day.

Well Saturday was fun. A lot of fun. Kyle and I planned that I'd go over to his, smoke a few joints, get ready and then go out. But I had a problem. Nothing to wear. And I mean nothing. Kyle rang me up to tell me to get my little white ass over there. So I explained to him that I'd got nothing to wear so on my way over I'd call into town and try and sort a top out for myself.

'You bitch!' he screamed, 'That's not fair.'
'What?' I asked.
'You going out in new clothes and me in me old tat.'

So we changed my plan slightly, if while looking for a top for myself I found something that Kyle would like, for no more that £15, that I'd get it and we'd sort out the money later on. It was a deal.

I was slightly stoned going into town surpriseesurprisee) so it was a bit of a mission, but an enjoyable one. Finding my stuff wasn't that much of a problem. I got quite a nice blue top, lovely silky material. I looked around for Kyle but was clueless as to what he wanted. So then the fun really started. Numerous phone calls so I could get an idea and going from shop to shop to shop. Originally he wanted a polo shirt, but I couldn't find anything that even I'd wear for going out so we sacked that idea. In the end the hunt was for a black t-shirt with white in it. The result was actually black with grey in it, but Kyle loves it. And it makes him look damn good.

Jay was also supposed to be popping over to Kyle's to drop off some money that he'd leant Mart. We were expecting him about 5pm. It was closer to 7pm when he arrived. He wasn't exactly sober, but he certainly wasn't drunk. He'd been on coke all day (and we're not talking the brown liquid stuff here) so was a little wasted but ok really.

Kyle and I got ready. We looked stunning. And so we made our way into town. We brought Jay along to have a few drinks before he went back home. Mart was working until 5pm on Sunday so there was no rush for him to get home. And it was about 10pm by the time we were set for going out.

At some point in the night, probably cos we were having such a good time Kyle and I had the same idea. We'd been thinking of going to Legends that night. Why not take Jay with us? Kyle and I were pissed, we'd done the sexy dancing thing, and I went over to Jay, giggling and told him that we'd been thinking and that he wasn't going home he was coming to Legends with us. Suppose he didn't have much choice. But, I told him he had to behave himself or it would be me and Kyle who would get the bollocking off Mart. The official line was that he went home when we went to Legends.

We had a great time in Legends. Time just appeared to fly by. Plus it felt really strange going out and just drinking. It would have been nice to have been pilling in there, the atmosphere and our heads were just right for it, but the change was refreshing. I had a dance, spent a lot of time with my top off, and generally looked fantastic (modesty? what's that?), but spent most of my time with Jay. Maybe that was the Mothering thing with me, he was my keep for the night.

It was funny when I took Jay to the loo. He didn't know where he was going so I took him. Inside it was full of men. Bless him, he didn't know where to look. We did what we had to do and then went back to Kyle.

At the end of the night I came up with an idea. From where we were it would be easier to go back to mine, there's also more space, and I had weed. So it was settled. We carried Kyle to get some food to mop up the alcohol, got a taxi, then Kyle collapsed at mine. Jay and I stayed up for a while talking and smoking and listening to music.

The following day we decided to go for a drink in town, just a small one to round off the weekend. I still had to go over to Kyle's to collect my bag, and Jay still had to get home for Mart. However, it was then planned that Jay would go home, meet Mart and then the two of them would come to town for a quick drink. That was the plan. Mart was on the phone to Jay a few times while we were all still at mine. Then all of a sudden Jay announced a change of plan. Mart would be meeting us in town. We didn't think anything of it at the time. In fact, Kyle's response to me was 'Oh, that's good. Means I can spend a bit longer on this Gaydarr].'

We got the bus into town and started drinking. It got to about 5pm and Kyle asked Jay what time we were to expect Mart. Jay didn't know and asked to borrow my phone so he could ring Mart's works to find out where he was. He couldn't talk to Mart, apparently because he was busy with something, and there might be a chance that Mart might have to stay on a little longer, but he wasdefinitelyy coming.

At 6pm, still no sign of Mart. Jay borrowed my phone again to find out where he was. 'He won't be long, he's on his way now.' By 6.30 he still wasn't there.

Then the truth started to make itself known. Mart rang me to pass on a message to Jay that he better get home quickly or Mart wont be there when he gets back. I couldn't hear all of the conversation as the line was bad. But I heard enough to know that something wasn't right. I went back to the others, handed Jay my phone and stated 'I think you better ring your boyfriend and find out what's going on.' So Jay disappears with my phone again. I tell Kyle that Jay is in deep shit. Seems that Mart hasn't got any money at all, so there's no chance of him making his own way into town.

Jay must have been gone about 10 minutes or so. He comes back, hands me my phone and says that everything is ok, he'll be here in a bit. So we wait. And we wait, and then we wait some more. Jay goes off to have a dance and Kyle and I sit with someone Kyle knows from a long time ago. My phone goes off again, it's Mart. I can hear him a bit better this time and realise that Kyle and I have been lied to. The arrangement that Jay was to meet Mart and for them to come back to town together had never changed. Mart was livid. That was the end of their relationship. I was given instructions to let Jay know about this. Not a job I was looking forward to.

So I return to Kyle and let him know that I've got to find Jay and do something that I don't really want to have to do. I look all around where we are. No sign of him. I try his phone. Straight on to the answering service. My instant thought was 'he's turned it off cos he knows he's been rumbled'. I start to get a bit upset, frustration more than anything else. Mart's furious and on the warpath, all set to leave him, and no one knows where Mart is gonna go.

Mart told me some time back that he might 'just disappear' for a while, he wouldn't tell me where he was as he didn't want me to have to lie for him, but he'd let me know he was safe and when he was coming back. We started one of those moments that night. I was frustrated and in tears when I got home because I wanted to make sure he was ok but I had no clue where he was or how to get hold of him. He did ring me eventually, to let me know he was ok. It was such a relief to hear his voice.

So that's the current state of play around here.

Mart's just rung me, he's doing ok and sticking to his guns. He can be so much like me when he gets an idea into his head. This time I know he's gonna stick with it, even though he's said that Jay is being 'extra nice'. Of course he will be, wont he. He doesn't want to lose a boyfriend that's done him so much good. But Mart knows that the previous chances he's given out have only been thrown back in his face. His patience is worn through, he's got no intention of going back on his promises. It's the end.

Ohmygod! Ohmygod! Ohmygod!!!

You would not believe the weekend that's just happened. There's so much to tell about it. Some things have gone from bad to worse. I'm at work at the moment so I can't put too much down. But another Emergency Night Out is called for.

Chris came over to mine last night with Mart. I showed Chris the pictures of my tattoo. He loved it, then was shocked when Mart told him that the body in the pictures really was me. But Mart said something really sweet about it, and we've come up with a deal. He's thinking of either getting the same, or something similar, but the plan is that I'll pay for his and he'll pay for mine. So in essence they become a gift to each other. It gives the whole thing a completely different meaning.

It's the first time that Chris has been over to mine. I tried so hard not to, but ended up coming out with the line 'Does that mean I've got a virgin in my house at last?' Mart collapsed with laughter. Then it got worse. I bought tea for us all. Mart and I had pizza, Chris had kebab meat and chips and ended up sharing some of this kebab meat with the cat. We were all very stoned. I asked Mart if he thought that she [the cat] was trying to get one better than me, after all 'I've had my hands on Chris's sword, but she's ended up with his meat in her mouth!' Chris was speechless.

And sweetheart that he is, Chris said that he'd have a go at putting the new battery in the car while I was at work. Aint that nice?

Kyle's preparing for the ENO. He's seeking solace in the big black cock of a good friend of his. And it's likely to turn in to a three-some.

Jammy bastard! But I'm only jealous 'cos the closest I've been to another mans genitals since Mardi Gras was when Mart sat next to me on Wednesday night. Kyle thinks I'm sickening for something. I'm inclined to agree...

Kyle rang me last night to ask what my plans were for today.

'I'm planning nothing.' I say. Matter-of-factly.
'Oh?' Kyle replies.
'Yea. I'm setting one goal for tomorrow, and not thinking of anything else. I need to get a battery for the car.'
'I see. So you're not going out?'
'All I'm concentrating on is getting the battery, once I've done that I cant think about other things.'
'Ok'
'Cos if I don't get the battery today it's gonna be next week, and I know it just wont happen next week.'
'So when you getting the car fixed?'
'He he. Dunno yet. One step at a time.'

So today's goal has been achieved.



Now I'm knackered. And £40 lighter. I forgot how heavy those things are. But at least I now have the rest of the day to do whatever I feel like doing. And I've taken the first step to getting the bloody thing back on the road.

Well, what can I say. Seems like last night we had an episode of 'Kyle - the TV Mini Series' guest directed by someone from 'Dynasty'. And I missed it!

Kyle was out on a good old fashioned date, really enjoying himself, when his ex from the weekend decided to get heavy and punch him. Kyle's still shocked by it all. We had a bit of tears on the phone this morning, he's a bit sore, but he always bounces back. I've told Kyle that that kind of behaviour is not acceptible, especially as Kyle had done nothing wrong. He'd not even spoken to the bloke before it happened. A completely unprovoked attack.

The bloke had been harassing him last weekend, and I nearly told Kyle to get the police involved. Anyhow I never did say that, thought now I wish I had. He sent Kyle an email basically saying that if Kyle wanted them to break up then so be it. WTF?? They'd already split. He'd seen to that before Mardi Gras. The guy is a fucking nutter. And I know that Kyle is scared of the fallout but I did tell him that he needs to report this. Kyle's early history is as checkered as mine, if not more so, so I know that Kyle is looking for someone to 'sort this mess out'.

'... so I think we need an emergency night out.' he says. It sounds like he's wired, but its just that he's so annoyed.

The 'Emergency Night Out' thing isn't a new concept to us. If something happens, anything unexpected, that's not good or not right, and grounds for at least one of us needing to let off steam in some way or other we call for an Emergency Night Out. They're never planned, we never know what's gonna happen, but we always feel so much better afterwards. Strangely I had a feeling during the week that an ENO would be happening soon.

More news as it happens.

I'm in the office this afternoon when the phone gets handed to me announced with the line '...and you're in luck! I've got just the man you need to speak to.' I take the call:

'I'm trying to pull some users off the system. I've put the ticks in the boxes. Then it says please type quote yes quote. Well I've tried that and then it comes up saying you must type quote yes quote in the space provided.'

'Ah.' I go. 'You need to type yes with a capital Y' I tell her. 'It's a security feature to make sure you really do wanna kill these users.'

'Ok'. Click click click in the background over the phone. 'Tried that. Still saying you must type quote yes quote in the space provided.'

'Hmm.' I'm now thinking 'what the fuck?' Then the penny drops

'You don't type the quotes in the box. Just the yes.

'Hang on.'

'The quotes are there to tell you what to type.'

'Ha haa! It's worked. Oh thank you. Oh, you must think I'm a right dim-wit? Can't believe I've done that.'

'No, not at all.' And I hoped that didn't come across as sickly as it did in my head.

I guess some people take instructions too literally. But then I've done software training sessions where a screen says on one side to 'click submit', with submit written in quotes, and the button labelled as submit on the otherside. The embarrasment when they're calling out 'it's not doing anything.' and I casually remind them of the difference between text and buttons. I hate to make a show of people, but with that one I can never resist.

Pete rang me this morning. It was a bit of a shock, and a bit out of the blue. I'd been thinking about ringing him sometime this week. He beats me to it.

After Mardi Gras and how twatted he was I do have to admit getting a little concerned that something had happened. He's ok. He says he saw me with Ben later in the night (we couldn't quite pin down where and when) and says that I looked a bit of a state, and he couldn't tell who was holding who up. Must've been just after we were leaving Falcon.

We were on the phone to each other over an hour and a half. We never spent that long on the phone to each other when we were going out with each other.

I told him about the tattoo. Seems he'd also been thinking about it. But then he got his tongue pierced mainly because me and Mart had had it done. Not that he could stop me or have much influence over the matter, but he didn't think it was a bad idea.

In other news, I get informed that Ant and boyf are sort of an item. They started seeing each other around Mardi Gras. So strange that Kyle and I should bump into Ant in Essential the other weekend and him try and get me back to his for a fuck. Hmm. I'm still proud of myself for turning Ant down that night, even though he did throw a bit of a strop. I'm sorry, but there are only three people in my life who can ask 'Are you coming back for a fuck?' and I'll go without question, and he ain't one of them.

Don't want to cause anyone any undue alarm. But...

Sitting happily (sort of) on the bus to work this morning and someone's mobile phone goes off. Now I'm used to the wide variety of ring tones that are available at the moment. But 'Silent Night'??

What the fuck?????????????????

BTW. It's only 14 weeks away from Christmas. Just thought you wouldn't want to know that. lol

Ok. So I've never been a morning person. All the people that need to know this at work know this. But then I suppose over the last 18 months or so I have got a bit lazy.

The corporation I work for has four sites across Manchester. In the four years I've worked for them I've been based at three of them. I've dismantled and set-up offices (and co-ordinated office moves) four times now. They moved me into the City, to move me out of the City (for eight weeks while they 'renovated' the building, losing my slave PC which didn't need to be moved in the process. Grr!), to move me back in again. Now they've transferred all my department's operations to the other side of the City. We're talking an hour of travelling in each direction. Or three hours if I take the alternative route. When I get round to getting the car sorted it's 20-30 minutes to get there and 20 minutes dead to get back (not figured that one out yet). Definately need to get the car sorted.

It only takes me 15 minutes to get into the City. Sometimes not even that!

Moving has its benefits. We're closer to other departments that we work closely with. But my servers are staying in the City. It's a bigger office, and a nicer office, and we've got a couple of temporary staff working with us at the moment so we need the space. I'm looking forward to 'running' an office, it's been a long time, and its something I'm damn good at.

The downside is that I'm still supposed to start at 9am (erm, when's that?). I'm waiting for the moment when I'm quizzed about my punctuality. I know my working day is supposed to start before 11.30, but my brain doesn't engage until at least an hour after fully waking up and 2 cups of coffee. So expecting anything of value out of me before 11am is a long shot.

But the best bit is this. Operations transferred on the September 2nd. My computer arrived yesterday. All my paperwork and filing is still in transit. Lose that and heads will roll!

An interesting night last night at Mart's. Seems I was supposed to go round the previous night, but never mind! That said, Mart having to get up early this morning to go to work also meant that I could get up early as well. I've been up since 6.15am so now I'm knackered. Just can't seem to get morning's sussed at the moment.

So I arrives last night and their house is in darkness. Oops! I think they may have been up to something but they seemed ok with my arrival. In my bag I showed Mart the picture of the tattoo design. He did remember the conversation and on seeing the paper claimed 'That's what I want!' Then I showed him the 'simulations'.

'Who's that?' Mart enquired over the one with me stood upright.
'It's me, of course!' I answered.
'Oh, yeah. Fuck I didn't recognise you.'
'Ok then, how about this one then?' I said showing him the other picture.
Mart giggled.
'And that's my more usual position. See. You recognise me now.'

So it looks like it's a go. I'm actually really excited about it.

Just been looking at the pictures again. I've gotta say, have I got a sexy arse or what?!?

You know how its a part of your body you rarely see unless you can turn your head right round. And I know I've been told in the past that its a nice one, but its still nice to see it myself.

I'm taking the pictures for Mart to see tonight. I know he's gonna like them too.

For a while now I've been contemplating getting a tattoo across my back at the base of my spine. Not sure where this came from. Actually, that's not strictly true. For a long time I've been dead set against tattooing. I guess you could say that the old argument that 'you have it for life' settled within me.

Some people who know my views on it have also questioned about me getting pierced. 'Ah,' I say, 'but at least with a piercing I can remove the metal and it will heal over.' So I might be left with a scar, a small scar, but to me that would just serve to remind me of something I've enjoyed and liked.

On my very first visit to a gay sauna I ended up shagging a lad (yes, I fucked him, believe it or not) who had a tattoo on his back between his shoulder blades. I've always referred to him as 'Angel', partly because his skin (amongst other things) was perfect and there was this 'Inca Sun' on his back. Maybe the memory of him, that design, that moment softened me somewhat. I don't know. But I'll always remember that moment. And the tattoo. Probably the first one I'd ever seen that I liked the look of and didn't think was tacky or cheap.



Then Jay in London had something a little like barbed wire but not barbed wire on one side of his groin. He showed me a picture of it a few days after it had been done. It looked really good. He said it hurt like a motherfucker but was worth it. He was supposed to be getting the other side done (a mirror of the design) but I've not spoken to him in ages (oops!!)

And in a 'stoned' moment, Kyle mentioned that he was thinking about thinking about it, but didn't know what or where. He seemed interested when I told him about my own contemplation. But then he was supposed to be getting his eyebrow done when I got my nipple done and that didn't happen!

So why now? It's not that I've exhausted places to pierce. But I'm happy with the quantity of piercings I have. It's also not because piercing appears to be becoming 'popular' again. Maybe it's experimentation. I was brought up to believe that you can't say you don't like something unless you've tried it, and also that if you should be able to express why you don't like something.

I like my piercings. I like the look and the feel of them. I don't like mushrooms, they make me sick. Very sick.

But of course, I'm not going to go into this with my eyes closed. Maybe 'cos I'm used to doing research its something that's ingrained on me. The fore-warned is fore-armed idea. I don't get into anything unless I've got a pretty good idea of what the outcome is. So I've started my internet research. I've got to say that I'm not impressed with what I've found.

Lots and lots of stuff saying that there might be an infection path (nothing conclusive either way), and that in Missouri it is illegal to tattoo someone if you have Hepatitis or HIV along with pre- and post- care instructions. But what about things to be aware of if you are already HIV+ and thinking about tattooing? All I've found so far is a (recent) comment on the uk.gay.com message board advising that there shouldn't be a problem provided the studio is reputable and sanitary, and a Canadian report of tattoo ink causing reactions with HAART here. Other than that, nada.

Though there are also more sociological 'observations' available that indicate that a number of poz people are getting tattooed in such away to disclose their status. Commonly the symbol representing 'Biohazard' or the mark 'HIV+' in large letters. These observatory comments kind of allude to the bearer of the tattoo trying to take the whole issue of disclosure out of the darkness, maybe also attempting to make HIV be more socially acceptable. And you know what, I've seen pictures of people branded with the biohazard symbol and never took it as a statement of disclosure. That's coming from someone who sees the symbol every time they go to the clinic so I wonder about the validity of that mark in terms of disclosure. I actually quite like the symbol, but then you've probably guessed that I'm wierd like that.



I've also come across a history of the symbol here.

I don't have a reason for doing it other than its something that I want to try. It's not a group initiation thing. I know it's going to be there for life, but then so is my HIV. As I said to Mart the other week being HIV+ is like having another qualification, but like my BA its not something I shout about.

But the big question is what do I want? So I've mocked up an idea:



Kyle's seen it, and likes it. I said to him that I knew it was going to hurt but that it would be worth it. He agrees, thinks it looks great and he's promised to hold my hands with it.

But, of course, is that what I want? Or do I have to try a couple and see which fits best?

Anyone know where I can obtain a replacement 1978 brain. Preferably localised for Northern UK, but this isn't essential.

Decided to try and get a notice board for the kitchen after I'd finished work. Some attempt at getting me to be organised. What do I arrive home with? Pair of boxer shorts and a new pair of trainers. Both very nice, I have to admit, but not what I actually wanted to get.

Hang on. Boxer shorts? When do I wear boxer shorts? When have I ever worn boxer shorts?

I'd just got back in from work yesterday, about 6.15pm when I get a text message from Mum. She's asking whether I'm in 'cos she's got a surprise for me. Oooo!

It wasn't too much of a surprise, to be fair. I'd called over on the Sunday afternoon and while I was there she was showing me some flyer she'd received that had some TV's on it. She gave it to me to look at. Central Manchester had a power failure the previous Wednesday, everything went off at work around 4.30pm. When I got home, I could see that other houses had lights on but when I went upstairs my flashing clock radio told me that the power had also gone down at home as well.

It was the following day when I turned my TV on and noticed a strange hue to the colours. It had done that before, ages ago, when a local sub-station blew up, but after a day or so it had righted itself. This time, however, I was left with a disc in the middle where the colours were ok, and the rest was all tinted. Blues became red and people turned into the Incredible Hulk as they went to either side of the screen. Makes for interesting viewing if nothing else. Curiously, when watching porn I never noticed the colour shifts.

Mum pointed out a huge LCD TV which was far too expensive, but also one that had an integrated digital decoder. The latter was a nice unit, but seen as I've already got a box for Sky TV the digital decoded would be a bit redundant. There was another, silver, and wide-screen at a fairly decent price and I decided that would fit the bill. Mum said she'd have a look later in the week and if they had any she'd get it for me.

So I gets the message, send a reply that I've just got back but will be going out later for a while. I already knew what the surprise was. She'd got the TV for me. Dad spills the beans by phoning me telling me that they're outside my drive with a huge box. It's a combined birthday and christmas present. Aww, fanx.

We get the TV in, wire it all up and plug it in. Don't you just love setting the channels on new TV's? Well, this one has a nice feature. It will scan the entire frequency range, then allow you to go through all the channels its found and either keep them or delete them. However, it could only find one channel. Strange. I took a look. No aerial in the back of the Sky box so the only signal it found was the Sky box. Dad asks about the DVD player. I tell him that's no problem because it's connected by a Scart cable. And turn it on. Thank god I remembered to take the disc out. Mum might have found two lads humping mildly amusing, but I don't think the same could have been said about Dad. Eventually they left so I could carry on with my plans for the night.

During the day I'd sent Mart a text message to see whether he could get me any weed and I was supposed to be going up for the collection. I made it there, late, but at least I was there. Mart was at work but Jay was there with one of his neighbours. I recounted the tale of the TV. They laughed, then I remembered that I couldn't remember what was in the video. Thank god we didn't try to tune that in to the TV. Aside from the fact that the video is knackered (well, it is Pete's video if its anyones) I really had no clue about what tape was in it. Later I found out...

I told Kyle something the other night. A couple of things, actually. Friday night, cos we went out with the remainder of the Mardi Gras drugs stash.

I was going to complete the Mardi Gras story on the Thursday but I was feeling low. Very low. Suicidally low. Scary. Not been there in ages. Part of me puts it down to the strong swing from being super-high over Mardi Gras then crashing back into reality on Wednesday.

I told Kyle. He put his arms out and hugged me strongly. 'I'm glad we're out tonight.' I said. He nodded.

'And I don't know whether it's related,' I said, 'but I'm feeling like I want to fall in love. Don't ask me where this had come from, I don't know.'
'You wanna feel...' He put his palms flat on his stomach to finish the sentence.
'Yeah. I do. That's it.' I said. 'I don't want it serious, more than a bit of fun, I just wanna feel in love.'

This was before the night properly got started!

Then tonight I get home from work, I'm in the kitchen and I suddenly burst into song: 'When I fall in love, it will be for ever... And the moment that you feel like you feel the same too, Is when I fall in love with you.'

Bah!! Soppy old cow!!

For the first time in a long while I'm aware that something's missing...

Sorry for the delay. Life has an annoying habit of coming up behind and chucking an un lubed traffic cone up you! More on current annoyances at another time though.

Ok, so we're still in Essential. Chris is long gone, it's just me and Mart and we're completely off our boxes. I've recieved a text message from Chris. He's arrived back at Mart and Jay's. No sign of Jay. Sorry, but like we're that interested at that moment in time. We can do serious later in time.

Mart and I are stood somewhere, talking, I think. Or as close to talking as we can manage at the time. This bloke passes behind us. Not bad looking, kinda like a slightly older version of 'my ideal man.' A bit older, perhaps, but he catches my eye. He's not so much walking as bouncing. Can't really describe it any better than that. He smiles as me. I smile back, and apparently I start talking to him. I get to know his name's Simon. He tells me later that it was my bright smile that captivated him when he smiled at me, seems its a very nice smile. God knows what the conversation was about. I know I introduce him to Mart, well point to Mart and inform this guy that he's Mart! Mart kinda rejoins the living for a moment, they guy goes '... and you're Mart. Nice to meet you.' Mart's wondering whether he missed anything, the look on his face shows he's trying to work this out. Hee he, not gonna happen! Mart realises and gives up.

The guy hangs around with us. We move about the place a bit, we dance, talk, go for a sit down. I'm getting a bit flirty with him and there's hugging, petting and kissing. Eventually, we all seem to decide at the same time that its time to make a move off. I invite Simon back to mine. He agrees to come. Mart's obviously welcome, goes without saying. 'I've got vodka at home, but no coke. And there's still pills left.' Mart grins. 'And what you doing with vodka at home?' Mart knows it's very rare for me to keep alcohol in the house. 'When did you get that?' he adds. 'You don't remember me telling you about Len?' I say, pushing two fingers back and forth in front of me. He glared at me. I still don't know whether I'd told him.

We get a black cab from right outside. Don't think I've ever caught a black cab home after a club. No, tell a lie, once, the trade of a friend to get us away from my arsehole boyfriend of the time. We were going back to his, and he paid. I just wanted to get away from Shawn. Back to now. We get coke from the garage on the way home. The bright lights of the forecourt make us all turn our heads sharply like startled bunnies. No one would ever guess we were on drugs, would they?

Back at mine the house is roasting. Think it's about 3.30am now. I bring them in and get them settled. I go to the kitchen to get glasses and the vodka. 'Get ya hoop around that, honey,' I say to Mart handing him the bottle, 'I'm goin for a piss!' Simon smiles and I wink back at him before going off.

While I'm upstairs I decide I should take my PVC pants off. We're going to need music so I just grab what CD's I can find to take down. So when I come down stairs all I'm wearing is the leather and my black hot pants, with an armful of CD's. 'Get her!!' Mart coughs as I walk in and sit on the floor. 'That's a good idea, actually.' He adds, taking his tshirt off. Simon follows suit.

Somewhere along the line the topic of conversation turns to drugs and we discover that Simon has been on ketamin during the night 'do you want some?' he asks. I look at Mart, he grins at me. I'd told Mart about Friday and Ben. We didn't say no. Mart tells Simon he's never done it before, and I tell him about my escapades on Friday, or more particularly about the bit I had to be told about. He slides off the armchair on to the floor at the side of me, puts an arm over my shoulders, kisses me on the forehead. 'What are you like?' he exclaims.

I'm not good on ketamin. It's a control issue, I think. I know that with 'e' and weed I've got a degree of control in that I know what's going on around me. If you think of 'e' as a journey, for me its a journey whose direction I can alter as it goes along. No such luck with 'k'. I'm on the bus, I'm strapped in and I can't get off until it's my stop. I go where it wants to take me. No questions asked.

We find out that Simon's a writer living in London, visiting friends up in Manchester. He's going to Scotland later on that day, before going properly home a few days after that. I'm really starting to like this guy. I find out that he's actually some years older that the 38 that Mart and I had thought. 'That's not a problem, is it?' he ask me. I tell him that it doesn't, and honestly I didn't mind at all. I was hooked. I could feel me telling myself 'it's ok to fall in love with him, he's alright.' Wierd!

The duvet it brought down from upstairs. I'm sure I must've done it, but I don't remember when, or know how. All three of us are on the floor on top of it. There's change falling out of Simon's back pocket. I assist in collecting it for him. I've already managed to get his fly open (again, don't know when, but something tells me that it was me that done it!). He trys to put it in his front pocket, its a struggle. 'Why don't you take them off?' I ask. 'Go on, take em off for me.' Brazen hussy. Anyway, I help extract him from his jeans and am impressed by the size of the bulge in the front of his white briefs. I give it a squeeze.

Mart's not exactly uncomfortable but he's still wearing his jeans. 'I can't take mine off,' he states, 'I'll end up showing you my teeny willy 'cos I'm wearin no knickers.' I tell him I'll find him some shorts in a minute. Mart looks me square in the face, he's asking me a question, only it's not coming from his mouth. He's asking whether it's a big one. I nod, slowly and grin. 'He's got a big one as well,' he quips to Simon, 'and it's got a ring in it!' The last part of the statement seems to disarm a very twatted Simon, and he starts to smile. I feel compelled to get it out and show them. After all, it's now got the 4mm ring in so I have to show it off!! He reaches across and touches me. I'm still yattering on about the piercing. Think we talk about it for a while and point to my nipple and say that that was the one that hurt most of all. Then I remember that I was going to get some shorts for Mart. Off I go. Something in the back of my mind tells me that this could get interesting. So I start rummaging for a pair of shorts that Mart will find flattering to wear. All I can come up with is a pair of football shorts. I return and hand them to Mart. They'll do. A glint in Mart's eye tells me they will be fine.

Ketamin does funny things with your arms and legs. My very first experience made wooden flooring seem like thick bouncy carpet to walk over, I felt like a space man! It's a lasting memory and one that I've told Mart about. He was about to discover it for himself as he got up to go to the toilet and change into the shorts. We watched him stagger to his feet and wobble out of the living room. The three of us were laughing. Simon lay back down on the floor, I move so I'm on my hands and knees over him. 'How you doing?' I ask, and bend down to kiss him. 'I'm twatted. Alsolutely fuckin twatted.' he giggles. It starts me off and I semi-collapse on him and we begin to kiss. Mart returns. 'Oh my god!' as he stumbles back towards us. I look up as he slumps to the floor at the side of me. We both snigger. 'You were right about it all...' he fumbles mentally for the word. 'Squidgy?' I offer. 'Yea. That.'

Simon takes that as a cue to also go to the loo, or make the attempt. It's equally funny watching him make the excursion, but he gets his own back because I've got to get up and give him directions. When I sit back down again Mart turns to me. 'I asked him whether he fancied me. I asked him whether he fancied you, and he went "well, yeah!" so I asked him again about me. He say's "I'm nice"!' I smile. Mart can be very forward, but he does it in such an endearing way. 'Yeah, I really like him too. I wanna see him again. There's something about him.' Mart gives me that knowing look. 'I could sleep with him. Don't fancy him, but I could have sex with him.' That was a bit shocking to hear. Mart doesn't do group sex, not that he hasn't, he just doesn't like the idea of someone being left out. Simon returns and we're all sat back on the floor.

The music and the drugs are in full effect now. None of us are talking. We're all pretty much dazed. We're all in our own worlds and its not a problem. I'm aware of slipping into somewhere, but it wasn't as bad as the experience at Ben's. Talking about it later Mart knew the point in time and said it was a wierd experience. I get some control back and feel like kissing Simon. I crawl forward and kiss him passionately. As I sit back I notice Mart just staring into space. Don't know why but I start kissing up his arm all the way to his cheek. When I get to the top his head turns to look at me. I start to laugh, cos neither of us know what that was for.

We'd all been kissing with each other earlier on. Mart said later that Simon appeared to like that. 'Oooo!' I start, 'Mother and daughter lezzin'it up! Oooo the dirty bugger!'

Later on we were all laid out. I was lying on top of one of Simon's legs. I think we were all somewhere in space, but I came back to reality just for a moment. I looked up and noticed Simon's white briefs and more importantly the bulge inside. I slid myself up and began to gently chew at the fabric. Everything around me might have seemed squidgy, but something between my teeth was far from squashy. I had to see it, and I had to taste it. I pulled forward the front of his briefs (I didn't check to see whether I had permission or whether he even knew I was doing it) and started to lick, nibble and chew on the lump of meat inside. Didn't take long for it to uncoil to full hardness. I began to give him a blowjob. I was just about to start getting lost inside what I was doing when I remembered that Mart was right at the side of me. I stopped, and took the lovely thick cut cock out of my mouth. I looked over at Mart. His eyes were closed and I knew he wasn't with us. I looked back to the throbbing flesh in front of me. Ok, just a little bit longer I was enjoying it.

I was incredibly horny. I seriously needed a good dicking. And here was an amazing pipe right before me. I kept thinking to myself 'I'll bet I'd enjoy that. Mmmm mmm mmmmm.'

Simon woke me up. 'What we doing about sleeping?'
I heard the words. I knew what they meant. But it took time for their meaning to register. I attempted a response. Damn Ket had stolen my lips again! I tried again, with not much success to explain that the duvet we were on was from my bed, the other bed was working as a wardrobe, so we're all sleeping together. It appeared to make some kind of sense because shortly afterwards we roused Mart and ended up trouping upstairs to bed.

Mart went to sleep very quickly. In my head I was still horny, but my body was saying 'sleep'. Simon and I ended up cuddling. Somewhere along the line I'd figured out that sex was not going to happen then so I may as well experience a different kind of pleasure. The problem was that our combined body heats were making me sweat a lot. I was dripping, and in the middle of the bed. I clambered out to get on top of the covers. It was combinations of dozing, kissing, rubbing against each other and just cuddling.

I woke to go to the loo and disturbed Simon as I got out of bed. 'Just going to the loo' I slurred. He was outside the bathroom when I finished and we went downstairs. He lay on the couch and I lay on top of him. We were kissing and talking. I get a feeling I was talking a load of shite. My brain wasn't firing so I could have been saying anything. We got onto sex and he discovered that I only bottom. 'And you're always safe?' he questioned. 'Always.' I said with authority. 'And I do want you to fuck me.' I slurred and kissed him again. 'Well, I'm not gonna fuck you then.' he said. 'Aww. But why?' I whined. 'Cos you don't want me to.' He said. He'd misheard me. I corrected him. 'Well we can try.' He said. 'You got condoms?' he asked. 'Yeah' I said as I got up to get them.

He was still lay back and his cock was as stiff as a board. With difficulty I opened the condom packet - they really need to design the packaging so that any twatted person can open them, it might stop the 'o fuck if, just shag me'-thing. You hear what I'm saying??

I opened the lube packet and smeared that over the condom.
'Can't believe we're doing this.' He said.
'What?'
'Me making a mess of your couch when I've only just met you.'
'Ah don't worry about it. It wont be the first time.'

I stroked his cock and imagined what this was gonna feel like. 'Better not forget myself,' I said standing up, 'I am pretty tight. Though after fuck-knows how many pills and ketamin I'm probably very relaxed.' Simon smiled. I reached behind me and inserted a finger. I wasn't as tight as I could have been. I went to climb over him so that I was astride him. Lowered myself into position and tried to move myself so he could penetrate me. First attempt failed, bad positioning. I reached down and took hold of his cock and tried to guide it into me. 'Don't think this is going to work.' He said. I got off and his cock was shrivelled inside the condom. 'That's what happens when I put condoms on.' He said matter of factly. The comment about always going safe came back to me now. 'It's ok, that kinda thing happens to me. That's why I don't top.'

He went to play with my cock, but it was fast asleep and I don't think anything would have woken it. He'd seen it hard earlier on, in fact he'd sucked it I remembered. It was a bit uncomfortable because of the new ring. Strangely that became thought of as a bad idea at the moment. So it ended up with my being sat down with him stood in front of me with his cock in my mouth. Hard again. A bizarre combination of face-fuck and blow job. I thought I was about to make him cum. Then he pushed a little too hard and his cock went down into my throat. I had to stop. 'Bed. Need to sleep.' and I guided him back upstairs to the bedroom.

Simon woke me again. 'I need to make a move.' he said, standing beside me at the side of the bed.
'ok' I said, and started the process of forcing myself to come to.

I got up and wandered to the loo. I sat down. My legs had got me there but that's all they were doing. He came in with me and started to wash his face and rinse his mouth. I really did want to wee, but couldn't with an audience. He stood in front of me to get a towel to wipe his face. The cock was there. He turned to face me. It pointed right to my lips. He's going, I thought to myself, if he goes without cumming he'll never come back again. I had to blow him off and make it good. My own cock was still unconscious even though I really enjoyed what I was doing. I started to sense Simon's orgasm approaching. It started somewhere around his knees and slowly crept up to his crotch. I gulped much of his juice as it shot into my mouth. Some I purposely let drip out onto me. But I kept playing until the cock was completely clean. I looked up with a shit-eating grin and he smiled back at me. I'd done a good job.

Simon goes back to the bedroom to find what clothing of his is in there, just his briefs. Then heads off downstairs. Mart wakes as I get to the bedroom door. 'It's ok honey, Simon's leaving.' 'I'm getting up anyway.' Mart states. I go into the bedroom to find some clothes.

Simon's full dressed apart from his shoes when I get downstairs. 'You didn't need to get dressed just cos I did.' He said to me, looking for his shoes. I spot them and hand them to him. 'I do if I'm walking you to the bus stop.' I answer. 'You don't have to.' 'I want to'. I say looking deeply at him. It's 1.05pm. 'Shit. Is that the time. I've gotta drive later!' he exclaims about his journey later on. 'Oh, love.' I say, and go over to him. We hug and kiss.

Mart comes in and sits dows as we're about to leave. 'Just taking him to the bus stop.' I announce.
Mart nods, and bids his farewell to Simon.
As we're walking to the bus stop Simon remembers about exchanging phone numbers. I'd completely forgotten and not picked up my phone. I try desperately to remember my phone number. All I can remember is my old phone number, which is absolutely no use. 'Oh god, thick bitch!' I say aloud. 'You're not gonna believe this, but I can't remember my mobile number. I'll give you the home number. I can remember that.' So I told him the number, and I saw him type it in. It sounded right when he read it back.

We parted not far from the bus stop when he had to cross the road. 'I'll call you later.' he said. He put his arm out and squeezed my upper arm. I smiled. I wanted to kiss him, but knew that wasn't a good idea. I hoped he would ring.

I'm still waiting for his call...